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Day 1 Starting Over

Discussion in 'Structured Educational Program' started by luketbrown, Mar 28, 2016.

  1. luketbrown

    luketbrown New Member

    I have suffered from on and off back pain for close to 20 years, beginning first when I was 17. I was athletic and would bulldoze through sporting challenges with ease. I played baseball at a high level and studied Japanese martial arts.

    What began as pain that I could ignore or knew would go away in a day or two, very slowly got worse and lasted longer with each new acute episode. By my mid twenties, I was slowing down and becoming less active as pain hung around for weeks or months. Acute attacks became more common. Into my 30s, the attacks came even more often and lasted for weeks. At 36, I hit rock bottom and had crippling pain for 6 weeks and contemplated suicide. This was only 4 months ago.

    After passing through the proverbial medical system and trying every known treatment, I finally was told about the mindbody connection. I am now on board and have accepted the diagnosis of TMS straight from Dr. Rashbaum, Dr. Sarno's successor.

    My childhood...it was not great. Dysfunction was the norm and it's shaped the man I have become. Short of sharing my entire story, I can merely relay that things were not so rosy and I learned how to cope at world record levels. I've powered through and reached a certain station in life, but it came at great cost - crippling pain.

    Since accepting the diagnosis, I am doing better. I can honestly say that. I have had ups and downs as the pains come and go, but the overall trend line is an upward one. When I do have pain, it causes doubts and the doubts lead to fear. The fear leads to more pain and a negative cycle. I've entered myself in psychotherapy as a result. I am also one that looks for a flow chart to follow that will lead me out of pain permanently despite knowing that no such thing exists. Again, when my mind wonders, it causes doubts, fears and pain. Fortunately, I can talk myself out of it and recover again. I know that I am on the right path, but admit that I need further help from fellow sufferers. Knowing that one is not alone is a tremendous reassurance.
    tgirl likes this.
  2. tgirl

    tgirl Well known member

    Hi Luke. Welcome to the TMS forum. There are many understanding and compassionate people on this site, as you will find. It might be a good idea if you repost what you have written on the general or support section at the top of the page. People tend to reply to those more. Where you have posted is the SEP program. It is advisable to work through this program (free) in order to deal with your TMS. I am in he process of doing that myself. Best of luck!
  3. luketbrown

    luketbrown New Member

    Thank you, I will copy/paste to the support section and will also work through the entire SEP.
  4. fbcoach

    fbcoach Peer Supporter

    Hey Luke,
    I am restarting the SEP again, as well. Your story sounds similar to mine. Although I have always considered my childhood good, it was very bizarre at times. We were the All-American family on the outside, and the Adams Family on the inside. Sounds like you are headed in the right direction. I don't care if it takes me going thru the SEP 10 times or more to get better. As long as there is progress, that's all I care about. It can only get better.
  5. luketbrown

    luketbrown New Member

    I have noticed progress for certain but I have a lot of homework to do. My family was and remains a mess to this day. I've managed to build a successful and loving marriage of my own and we have a darling 2 year old, but my nuclear family is non-existent. All of us ran to our corners and there's no communication. How this dynamic impacted me was not clear until I began therapy. Interestingly, therapy has not only aided in managing pain but also to better understand how abnormal my normal was. In fact, it was down right terrible and borderline abuse if not abusive. Here's to recovery!

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