Starting over...

Maybe some of you remember me - I was here almost a year ago for some months doing the SEP, writing, taking part in discussions about my and others' TMS. Wondering what could be the cause of my severe pain and completely missing it even if it was right before my eyes... I guess that's my core problem - that I don't want to face frightening feelings. In January this year my fiancé suddenly told me that he didn't see a future for us. It came as a complete chock to me (even if he had mentioned it before!) and the separation that followed was very hard for both body and soul.

In that turbulence I stopped "going here" and exploring my TMS and subconsious mind. I have suffered from more and less pain since that, but I haven't been thinking as much psychologically as I should. Now I've had a week of really severe pain, extremely bad slepp, heart palpitations and so on. And now, half an hour ago I realized that I've been very emotionally stressed this time too. I'm afraid of the future, being 33 and single again, living with my parents since I don't know where I want to be (I moved out from the appartment me and my fiance had bought). I'm often worried about the pain, if it will restrict me from living the life I want. I'm resentful to people that have families, that are happily married, that have children. (It's not my proudest emotion, but it's true.) And I have romantic and hopeful feelings about a guy that I feel so close to, but who has suddenly dumped me some years ago. I'm afraid to trust him and life in general when I have recently experienced the chock when nothing was like it seemed (with my fiance). Living in Europe the refugee crisis here also has affected me deeply, and the racism in our societies that shows its face now. Last week I was personally helping refugees with clothes and so on. I'm a person that easily takes in other people's suffering.

I just wanted to tell this to let it out, to confess my emotions to myself and an "audience". And I think my feelings that I try to run away from, that I feel I couldn't handle, would be enough reason for TMS. I'm seeing a psychoterapist (next time tomorrow) so I hope that will help me. I'm HSP, perfectionistic, an idealist and can relate a lot to the personal traits described as being common among TMS:ers.

So, I'm back here and look forward to exchange thoughts about our processes with you. Deep inside I believe in TMS, I just have a bit of a hard time staying disciplined enough to journal (because I want to escape the feelings).

(My mother tongue isn't English, so please excuse spelling mistakes and so on... )

 

Lina, I'm so sorry about the disappointment that you have experienced - and gosh, my young neighbor is going through the exact same thing! What is it with these guys, anyway? (sorry to the guys here, sometimes we just have to bitch a bit, eh?)

I'm also sorry about your symptoms, and yes, I remember you from last year, so I'm glad you thought to come back and join the conversation again. I also come and go, and I've had a stressful and over-booked summer and didn't realize how wound up I was until I got back on the forum after some months away. I've already picked up and been reminded of so many great things which are helping me to calm down and feel better.

Heh, welcome to our world I know exactly what you mean. Maybe the structure of the SEP could help?

The most helpful things I've been able to do lately, and which I'd forgotten about, are: 1) stop the constant conversation inside my head, 2) take a moment to breathe deeply without any thought other than my breath, 3) center myself and be "in the moment" instead of in the past or the future, and 4) find a positive way to change my negative thoughts.

Welcome back, Lina, and keep posting!

~Jan