Starting again

Hello

I found this amazing site nearly a year ago, and after some early success, my migraines returned with a vengeance. My initial belief in TMS gradually waned, and sadly I didn’t even feel strong enough to reach out for support on this forum, right at the time I needed it the most! The migraines returned to 3 or 4 a week, sometimes lasting 2 or 3 days at a time. I felt like I was drowning, and I couldn’t stick my head above water for long enough to help myself or get help. I also had so little time in between migraines, that I begrudged any time spent on the SEP, so I didn’t get very far with it.

But I’m back, and believing again! I hit rock bottom, and decided this was my only hope. And again, I’ve just gone a whole week with no migraine. It can’t be a coincidence. This is the first migraine free week I’ve had for months.

One of the dangers for me though is counting the days, and expecting/fearing a migraine any time now, I know this is a common pitfall but so hard to avoid.

I do feel I’ve managed to stave off a couple of migraines recently, by trying to really ‘feel’ whatever emotion I might have at the time, and reminding myself I know its TMS. And by just really focussing on the present moment. But as soon as I get another migraine, I feel like I’ve ‘failed’, and begin to lose a bit of belief.

Also, I decided not to post much, as I worry too much about what I’ve written and what people will think of me (typical TMS trait I guess). But I do want to join in a bit now, as I do think it will help me, and hopefully others who might be struggling to believe that this is the answer.

I’m certain there is something to this. And I’m determined not to give up this time. I’m now on day 8 of the SEP, so early days. I continue to find this forum incredibly helpful and supportive, even though I rarely post anything. Big thank you to everyone involved.


Butterfly

 

Hi, Butterfly. Congrats on getting over the migraines with TMS thinking.
If you feel another one coming on, try laughing it away. If there's nothing to laugh at or about,
pretend there is. Just start with a smile and let it get bigger and wider into a laugh.
Then keep the laugh going.

Distract your fears about a migraine recurring by doing things that make you happy.

 

Hi Butterfly,
As anecdontal evidence on migraines being tms:
My mom has had migraines for as long as I can remember. She also began to be unable to handle riding or driving on the freeway. She and my dad had been married 46 years when she left him, filed for divorce and for the first time admited he was abusive. She drove 2 hours on the freeway to her new home, no problem. Made many trips back and forth visiting friends and family. For 5 and a half months she had no migraines. Like many victims of abuse she went back. And she can't be on the freeway, and her migraines are back.

I am not suggesting your migraines are from current stress, just that there is an emotional cause to my mom's. The minds a powerful thing, and "thinks" it is doing you a protective favor!

Here's to healing again!

 

Thank you Walt, I love the idea of laughing away fear. It reminds me of a scene in the film Totoro where the kids have just moved house and are afraid of ‘sprites’ – their Dad gets them really laughing and their fear disappears. I’ve even tried this trick with my children, but forget the obvious idea of using it for myself!

As for doing things that make me happy, I really think this is key for me. One of the things I read about recently on the SEP really struck me – about self-worth. The migraines leave me so little time to do all the important stuff, childcare, housework etc that I feel extremely guilty about spending time for myself. And even when I’ve tried to have a little time out, my justification has been ‘I need to look after myself so that I can do a better job of caring for my family’ While this is true, I’ve now realised an even more important reason to look after myself – because ‘I’m worth it!’ It feels odd to write that, I’m still trying to convince myself its true, but I think I’m making progress

 

Thanks you Lizzy, I’m pretty certain that the cause of my migraines is emotional, and the example of your mom is really convincing. I realise I haven’t opened up at all about any of my emotional stuff.
I have definitely repressed big emotions in the past, and plenty of current stress too. Where to start?! Maybe that’s part of the reason I didn’t get very far last time, the thought of wading through so many difficult times felt overwhelming. This time I’m just going to gently dip my toe into the journaling, and see what happens, little by little..