Spring and Nature's bounty

As the season changed, my own changes rushed forward, overwhelmingly so. I needed to retreat, to orient, to re-assess, to breathe and to feel more carefully the clamor of my body.

As the rains pause, I can bask in the sun, kneeling as I gather my dandelions. The agony of nights is easing as the grip of vicodin is pried away. Years of this oblong little pill ... years of needing, fearing the loss of .. no longer will I need to endure the testing to prove I am not abusing this substance.

The final transition from this pill has not been with ease. Severe muscle spasms, restlessness, agitation .. this plagued my nights. But fear was not present. Fear has faded under the bright light of knowledge and support.

There is still the gabapentin to ease away from. In time. In time. I do not worry.

While the pains manifest more randomly, and almost desperately, I simply adjust, adapt, and persevere. One side effect from leaving vicodin is a further lowering of my blood pressure. My saint-husband worries at the numbers, but I feel fine with it. A little more weight has fallen away. I'm seeing that double-decker espresso madness ice cream cone looming in my future ... with a cheer tipped towards North Star, and she knows why

with grace, and my deepest gratitude,
^_^

 

Congratulations, Lily Rose! I know how hard it is to stop taking pain medication, and I'm impressed with your accomplishment. Thanks for sharing it, as it is inspiring for all of us.

 

There is such habit in the taking. A routine. I still pause before lunch, my body remembering that it is 'time' for the dosage. In the eve, I reach automatically for that bottle as I am in that cabinet. I curl my fingers and pull back as though recoiling from a flame. So long have the days and nights been ever aware 'is it time yet?' with those meds. In the 'not taking', a little voice whispers, but it will hurt ....? and I hear a more authoritative voice soothe, and echoes of the sea of words that emerge from this forum. Even my own voice echoes here. It is ever so much easier to dispense advice than it is to follow it *wry smile*

Ellen ... how long have you been away from it? I do not feel a particular craving, but I feel a faint yearning. It is not so much that the narcotic dulled the pain ... it is that it altered the mood, so that the pain became less distressful.

Sunday, during the late afternoon music practice, I was unable to maintain a sitting position, and then I remembered I carried a guitar strap in my case. As I pulled it out, I smiled. The heavy duty strap has a pagan scroll work design with the word Blessed inscribed upon it. My distress eased and I stood for awhile until the pain subsided so I could retake my seat.

I am blessed. We all are, I think ... we just have to be open to it. It is there. Bathing us like warm rain.

with grace and gratitude,
^_^

 

Lily Rose,

I went through my withdrawal from pain medication last summer. I did it gradually and it took about 3 months for the physical withdrawal symptoms to go away. Severe restless leg syndrome was the worst physical symptom, as well as an increase in pain. But the hardest part by far was the emotional/mood related symptoms. I realized while taking the medication that it didn't do much to alleviate the pain, but as you state, it improved my mood and my ability to cope with pain. I must admit that there are still times I crave it, but it is always a change in mood that I'm craving. As long as I am aware of that, I'm able to resist. I see this craving as a sign that I need to face and feel my emotions at the present moment and not repress and hide from them. And I now know healthier ways to improve my mood. Still, there have been a couple of times since last summer that I have taken a pain pill. I realized shortly after that it was just because I didn't want to deal with how I was feeling, and that it wasn't a decision that supported healing. However, I forgave myself and let it go. I know I'll reach a point when I no longer feel I need to have the medication around "just in case", but I'm not quite there yet. Like everything, it's a journey. Wishing you all the best as you continue to move forward on yours...

 

Hi, Ellen. No problem having a pain pill or tranquilizer available if needed. I did it for years,
keeping a Librium tablet with me as a "Dumbo's feather." It gave me courage. Whatever
it takes, I say. Gradually, I left the Librium at home when I took walks, rode a bike,
or drove somewhere. Soon I forgot I didn't have it with me and didn't mind.

 

Hi Lily Rose

I know I'm late to the thread, I missed it somehow. Well done on quitting vicodin, that's a major step forward for you and can only give you courage to taper away from gabapentin. As you know I've been through the same experience, and I can promise you that you'll feel so much more alive and positive when you are free of medication.

Congratulations

 

You're right, Mermaid. The less medication the better, and none is the best.