Day 10 Spondo and all! also some chronic pain insight from my journey

Its going pretty good, I am a relapser as I found the TMS diagnosis in the 90's after a lifetime of back pain and structural deformities developing (not one doc or surgeon in my life could say why this happened other than perhaps lack of oxygen or blood to these areas, must be because I smoked at the time they said, I have long since quit, but no other ideas, duh! confirming Dr. Sarnos deprivation theory to me) and the epiphany of it all hit me like a hammer. But I got busy with life and then forgot and was told and convinced years later that my spondo, sciatic pinch and scoliosis were severe and so I had 3 spinal fusion surgeries with no real improvement in pain other than short term. Chronic pain is a horrible way of life as it does the same 3 things to everyone who suffers chronically(from my time at a Chronic Pain Centre with revelations from all patients), first its INTERFERES with your life, then INTERUPTS your life and finally it TAKES YOUR SELF-WORTH! Upon rediscovering TMS and this site my low back spondo area pain has lessened immensely and I am really way more active. I do know deep down that TMS is the correct diagnosis for me but newer in the last few years my neck has also developed spondo where disc has broken and slid forward. It makes scrunching sounds a lot just to ensure I'm aware and trying to brainwash me that its a physical ailment. I'm fighting hard! I found this expression that I like...KNOW PAIN, KNOW GAIN! .... my initial pain incident at 15 years old was life changing but unfortunately I'm not making much progress on the repressed emotions so far but definitely seeing more personality traits come to light like defensiveness and indecisiveness. I did try hypnotherapy also in my life along with every other known therapy to try and shed light of repressed emotion/incidents but no real lasting insight or ahha moments. continuing to plug away and excited to complete the SEP program. Will keep journaling as I believe even changing the way I think, psychologically first will make a difference and work towards a new way of being. thanks for reading.

PS: The Day 4 most disheartening statement ever said to me was a surgeon in my 30's who told me" Spondylthesis means you will definitely need spinal fusion when you get older, around 50 likely so enjoy activities while you can". Thanks for that self fulfilling prophecy a-hole.

 

"Know pain, know gain!" I love it. Good job. I hope your neck pain says sionara soon.