Speaking to Your Parents

When did you last speak to your parents? was one of the questions asked. I have my mother staying with me at the moment. We had a row the other night (not uncommon). I did end up with me crying my eyes out and telling her how badly her thoughtless, narcissistic behaviour had affected me when I was growing up. She knows this but it keeps coming up. And she does apologise and is sympathetic - though it took years for her to stop being defensive and trying to deny it was a problem (how they brought me up, I mean).

I've had counselling about this stuff too it too but I am still enraged. Although she is a great mother in many ways and she is very supportive I find her utterly enraging in many other ways, still. She is 86.

I'm completely convinced that the things I endured growing up led to me developing CFS/ME.
It has to be said they really can, as Philip Larkin wrote, “mess” you up, your mum and dad! Only he didn't say “mess”... ; )

I'm not looking for feedback exactly from the community, I am just sharing.

 

I know exactly what you're talking about, Jude - my mother was still making me crazy with her lifetime rejection of emotional intimacy even at age 92, before she decided she'd had enough of this world. And yes, she was technically a perfectly good mother, but...

What a piece of work is man. And woman.

 

She's here with me now - you'd think we were best friends but I know all the issues swirling beneath! At least she is apologetic and understands the impact her actions (and those of my beloved step-father) had on me. We can love our parents and abhor their decisions and actions at the same time.

 

My older brother told me once, "I love Mom, but I don't like her." I understood and at times felt the same. I do think it's healthier for us to emphasize the " love" part over the "like" part.