Source of TMS theories??

Hi all,

I'm currently working through the education program and am finding it very beneficial. It has naturally brought some questions to mind and one I'm having some difficulty with is if I'm supposed to be able to identify the cause of the TMS I am experiencing or should it be unknown to me because they are repressed.

I have been trying to piece together the emotional source for my pain and have two theories but am unsure if these thoughts are unhelpful to me or natural in the healing and discovery process.

I moved back in with my parents in May last year to save up some money with a plan to move back out into my own accommodation around Feb this year. In January this year I started having panic attacks in work which then progressed to panic attacks outside then started having them in my sleep. These attacks eventually stopped but replaced by painful widespread body soreness and burning and which I am still experiencing.

I was living by myself for four years before moving in with my parents and was in constant financial difficulty which was very stressful and made me feel very miserable feeling. I often berated myself for not achieving more in my life and for not having more money because of my life's failings even though I was in full time employment. I frequently felt very angry and deeply disappointed with myself because of these thoughts. I have strongly desired to be self employed all of my adult life, but have felt unable to because of my lack of confidence and self esteem. I have been in sick leave from work for the last seven months.

As I mentioned I have two theories on the emotional source for the TMS.......

1) That because I am now living at my parents and my id wants to remain here out of fear of going 'back into the wilderness' in my own accommodation again and possibly being placed back into an upsetting and stressful financial setting (which wouldn't be the case this time), battling with my superego who knows I need to be moving on in my own accommodation again. This though is confusing to me because I consciously want to move out anyway to have my own space and privacy again because I often feel suffocated in my parents home.

OR

2) That my id wants me to remain off work because of my desire to be self employed and trying to force the issue with my eventual retirement from work on medical grounds if I don't return soon, battling with my superego who knows I need to get back to work again so that I can move out and on with life.

Again, I am not even sure if I should be aware of the cause at all. I recall reading in one of the books that unconscious thoughts rarely break through to the conscious mind but am unsure if this means before being educated in TMS or at any time in my life. Or it could have nothing to do with the above examples and be something completely unrelated. Oh its all so confusing!!

Many thanks,
John.

 

Hi, Joh. It's no wonder you are confused. Your have some conflicting thoughts... whether to keep living with your parents or move back out on your own.
In today's strange and often stressful economy, I think you are not alone.

I think you need to ask yourself if your parents mind you living with them. Often, parents do not mind and even consider it good for them because you are around to help them if they need it.

I am self-employed and love the freedom, but it comes with financial stress. Yet, I feel glad because no one can lay me off. No one has job security anymore.

Whatever you decide to do, believe it is the best thing and that everything will work out for the best.

 

I think you will find this thread useful...

http://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/pain-and-repressed-emotions.6429/

It's not about what you are repressing, but rather the underlying emotion... I think like all of us, you will need to journal to uncover to recover.

 

Thanks Walt and Mike. I'm just trying to get a handle on the nature of the beast, I'm going to carry on with the programme and see where it takes me.

John.

 

Great idea, but try to do the things you enjoy. Don't pay too much attention to the beast because you won't be able to tame it over night, it takes alot of determination and persistency. Trust me.

All the best

 

Hi John,

I too am new to all this and am having the same thoughts regards to if what am I thinking is having a negative or positive affect and wondering if whatever the problem is is something I am consciously aware of or not, I would like to share my experience with you as I think we are similar. I too am longing to be self employeed but stuck in a job I loath. I also feel at a crossroads with what I should be doing, where I should be living and I have been piling the pressure on myself to succeed, but up until my discovery of tms I have had to work around my "bad back"

I too am trying to dig into my past and bring anything into my conscious that may be the problem but something quite remarkable happened to me last week that I believe possibly gives a good insight to what the sort of issues TMS could be about....

I had been at work all night battling with symptom imperatives! First I had frozen shoulder, then back pain, then headache! Each time I convinced myself the particular symptom was tms a new one appeared and the last one was gone. So after convincing myself the head wasn't real I got bad ankle pain. I could not walk without limping and I had this little doubt that maybe this was to do with my workboots, it didn't feel muscular so although I suspected tms I was not sure. When I arrived home the ankle symptom was still there, I still could not walk on it. I had a bit of me time and felt happy and relaxed and tried to think what might be wrong that I had missed, then it came to me. I thought of something that made the pain disappear. I could literally feel the oxygen come back!! I jumped up and down to test my ankle. On one foot! It was fine! This was definitely psychological 100%.

So what was the thought I hear you ask!

I'm pissed of with some of my friends. (The ones I go partying with!) I need some new ones!

This was the thought that stopped the pain

Now in hindsight I had made quite a few comments to such effect to my girlfriend but I really didn't think about it consciously, I am a deep thinker, I would normally have given a situation like this some thought and drawn some decisions and made a plan of action but seeing as I do have a lot of very good friends and I have 101 other things to worry about at the moment I really didn't want to. Probably because I know if I do, it will annoy me!

for the past few months I have been avoiding socialising with my partying friends. Reason being I know that I'm not enjoying myself like I used to when I go out with them. They have gotten into taking some horrible substances and I am disappointed that they are addicts and I am sad that I don't enjoy their company, I am sad that I don't have any freinds I enjoy going partying with anymore. This is/was a big part of my life that is now been missing for some time. I don't think I realised the importance of this to my id!

Now I do not believe this is the only issue causing my TMS, I have a lot of stress in my life and have done since the disappearance of a close family member 12 years ago but I do think that maybe, my own brains thinks I can't handle anymore bad news/thought so minor, solvable problems can manifest into pain.

I know I probably haven't answered your question but I hope it's given you some inspiration.

My pain is getting much less frequent and less severe and I have now resumed normal activity and normal thought about activity. I now have the confidence back to start the business I have always wanted to but been too worried about my back to commit and I have a very positive outlook on the future. I'm sure you will be there soon too. And remember it will take longer to reprogram the unconscious than your conscious.

Good luck.

 

Scott, these are some really awesome insights! I am impressed, and look at you - you're making excellent progress!

As you've already figured out, this is a real key, which I love:

...because it reminds me of what the SEP tries to get us to do. The SEP has us do free-writing and quick list-making. The purpose of these exercises is to get our unconscious thoughts out there on paper where you can see them. Then you go back and examine them and see what they might be about. And I'll take this opportunity to point out something I've said before, which is that our brains are really good at convincing us to NOT write down certain things. If you fall for that, it's a missed opportunity to discover some important repressed emotions, whether they are supremely traumatic, really disturbing, or not particularly earth-shattering.

You sure got that right! The mechanism of TMS is a part of our psyche, and it's caused by the big traumatic stuff as well as the little childhood traumas; it's also old guilt and shame, new guilt and shame, and it's irritations, disappointments, and, as you described, negative feelings about friends and loved ones.

This is such an interesting insight. I bet it's a universal experience for anyone making changes in their life. Even though the changes are positive and you know they are good for you, there is a deeper sense of loss which may also be connected to some kind of guilt.

Thank you for this post, Scott - and I hope you will post some more!

 

I'm glad that helped. You just helped me! I didn't even make them connections but you are so right!! Tbh, before, I just accepted I was sad/angry about it and know I need to do something about it. I still feel too busy to to think about it but nice insight on my insight buddy!