someone please help

[everlong]

I honestly feel like i take 1 step forward and 2 steps back sometimes, my pain is in my right leg which is the pain TMS symptom and have had that for around 9 months, its been very on and off, its been severe to the point where i couldn't walk at all, anyway over the last few months i started to get pain in other places knees, shins, wrists, headache, buttock, back, neck, shoulders etc.. when i found Dr Sarno and TMS it made a massive difference the pain actually went away for a bit (the leg pain and most aches and pains) the leg pain which is the bane of my life right now has started to creep back and i feel like crying, i just don't understand why the TMS diagnosis doesn't sink into my head when I've had every check e.g. doctors and physio.

i have tried doing the strucured educational programme on here but struggle to stick to it, thats my own fault really but my anxiety takes over and sometimes I'm not in the mood, my anxiety has been quite bad over the last week or so, maybe this is why the pain has come back? i just got back to being 'normal' again going to the gym seeing people and going to work, I'm 20 years old and sick of feeling this way.

i fit the TMS personality traits perfectly, i put myself down a lot as I'm slightly overweight and trying to loose weight through excersice and diet but TMS holds me back and 90% of the time for the last few weeks I've constantly felt down and demotivated.

My life went from a happy girl at university working earning good money to someone who's constantly negative anxious and depressed and thinks about pain constantly.

could someone please shed some light on this and maybe offer some suggestions?

Thankyou.

 

[Anne Walker]

Hi Everlong. Before I got to the section of your post in which you mentioned that you put yourself down a lot, I was already sensing in your tone that this is the case. I would look at the Alan Gordon section of this sight and carefully read about the internal bully. I myself have a very strong internal bully and it takes a lot of practice and vigilance to be alert for when I am beating myself up. I have mentioned this in other posts but I also tend to beat myself up for beating myself up! Learning to be kind and forgiving to yourself takes work and at first it might even feel a little strange. I had a lifetime of blaming myself and taking on too much responsibility for things. I am very capable, but extremely hard on myself. I have had to consciously unlearn this habit. You might want to start by just noticing the things you say to yourself. When I found myself saying some very negative things to myself, I would ask myself if I would say such a thing to a friend under similar circumstances. I discovered that I was much more forgiving of others. I have lots of friends and family that are overweight and it is no hinderance in loving them. And yet being overweight seems to be a huge obstacle in loving myself. The pain is coming from resisting how you are feeling and from the pressure and stress you are creating by being so unkind to yourself. Anxiety is the same as the pain, it is just a distraction. Have you considered seeing a TMS therapist? You can do this. Try to be patient, one day at a time. When you notice you are constantly thinking about the pain, try to think more about how you are feeling and what is going on in your life. Focus on the things that used to bring you joy, and the joy will come back.

 

[Lilac]

I don't have any answers to your questions bc I'm in the exact same situation as you. Except my pain is in my back and it's not debilitating. It comes and goes and I do believe my anxiety makes it worse. I just wanted you to have comfort in the fact that you are not alone. Hugs!

 

[Ellen]

I see in your post, in addition to the Inner Bully, an undercurrent of perfectionism, which is the constant companion of the Inner Bully. Letting go of perfectionism has played an important role in my recovery from TMS, as has being more compassionate to myself as Anne describes so well above. When you say that you avoid the SEP sometimes because you aren't in the mood, it reminds me of how many things I've avoided doing over the years because I felt I wasn't in the right mood to do it. For me this is a form of perfectionism, where I think I have to be my "best self" to do many things. I'm now able to let that go most of the time, and do things whether or not I feel I'm in the right mood. You don't have to do the SEP well, or happily, or even do it every day, you just need to do it for it to be helpful. This is true of so many things we set up false barriers to. Now I tell myself, just do it, it will be OK, and OK is good enough.

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

I'm a perfectionist and am sure it was one of the main causes of my severe TMS back pain.
I work as a writer-editor for a book publisher friend who is a perfectionist's perfectionist. He is very demanding for accuracy but I have found that he not as perfect as he thinks he is. I've learned not to let that bother me and to work at my own pace, not his, and do the best I can to please him. That isn't possible all the time, but I've even gotten him to accept that I can sometimes make mistakes. He still never admits that about himself.

One of my best friends was such a perfectionist, he tightened every nut and bolt so much it could never be opened. He drove his wife and three kids nuts.

I regard perfectionism as a very bad habit that we all should if not break, at least modify. I agree that perfectionism and our Inner Bully are companions.
Screw both of them. Life is far from perfect. The only perfect person who ever lived they hung on a cross.

 

[Anne Walker]

Walt, you are very funny!