Day 10 someone in my life...

.....from whom I hide how I feel is my parents. My dad is just so aloof in such a strange way, I don't feel like it is easy to relate to him in that manner. It just doesn't seem natural or right somehow, like I'd be throwing dangerous energy down a black hole. For my mom, there is the desire to connect, but I don't know why. I want that desire to be gone, to go away. She really doesn't deserve me having that desire, because she is so self-obsessive and incapable of reciprocating, even if she has more emotional sensibility than dad. It is soooo stifled. Why do I want to try to keep connecting to someone like that who has caused me sooo much pain it is immeasurable? This has to perpetuate my TMS and I want it to stop! But it feels like I am not allowed to just let her go. That she is too fragile and I don't have the right to do that. Plus I still feel very dependent on people, so it is scary to give anyone up. I think that somehow need to do this.

Andrew

 

Andrew, I'm sorry you're having such a difficult time with your parents.
All I can suggest is, be as pleasant as you can, and let time pass.
Try to focus on other things and people with whom you get along better.

It appears to me that they have TMS emotions and they need to work them out.
They may not know about TMS or believe in it, or practice its healing wonders.
I would just let them try to work things out for themselves.

You don't have to let either of them go. Just let them be and pray for the best.

 

Very wise words Walt. I agree and appreciate them. It will take strength and perspective to do this, but that is the work I suppose. Thanks,

Andrew

 

I really feel for you, Andrew. It's perfectly normal to have lots of different feelings about our parents. My relationship with my own mother is a huge trigger for my TMS. Lots of guilt about not being a good enough daughter and lots of anger about not having my needs met and some sadness too. It can get pretty confusing and frustrating! For me the solution has been to give myself permission to take some emotional distance from her, but without losing the connection all together. That helped give me the space I need to heal, while not making me feel like I was a bad person. Just finding that balance for myself was extremely helpful.

Hope that helps a little.
All the best