Edgerton
Peer Supporter
TL;DR: Advice on this forum says to examine emotions when you experience pain. Yet my pain seems connected to offending activities, not emotions. And thanks to 22 days of the SEP, I've been experiencing and sitting with lots of emotions from journaling. Yet lumbar pain is as bad as ever. For people who have had pain for long periods (decade+), I'm assuming the answer is to plow ahead until you can chip away at the "base layer" of pain? Or something like that? I'd appreciate any guidance or advice.
Hi folks!
Made it to day 22, chugging along. I was able to do some minor upper body workouts without my neck/scalenes going crazy so I'm pretty hyped about that. Normally doing pushups wrecks me and while my neck still hurts, the "loudness" of the pain has gone way down. A big win!
The lumbar area, however, has been acting up in a major way. This is nothing new for me—it's been a problem for years. What's annoying is that what is triggering it is going for a walk. I mean, the lumbar hasn't been feeling great in general, but going for walks activates it something fierce (spasms). I've had a ton of tests done and don't have any structural damage. The pain also isn't sciatica-like (my pain never travels down the legs, no nerve damage, never stabbing). Feels very much like muscle pain. There was an entire section in the SEP about being scared of going for a walk, and I don't relate. I'm not scared of going for a walk. I'm going for a walk whether it hurts or not. But the pain just gets worse and worse the longer the walk.
What I'm struggling with is reading Sarno's books and this forum, which both say that when people have flare ups like I'm having, they should remind themselves that it's not actual damage and they need to look at their emotions (maybe do a "feeling inventory" as the SEP mentions). Checking in will make them realize they are sad/angry/whatever.
I fully accept there is no physical damage. And I am able to connect with emotions—I'm sad and angry about the helplessness and feeling disabled and debilitated. I've dug in pretty deep to reviewing past and current stressors and acknowledging them isn't having any impact on how the lumbar feels.
But my pain—both now and in the past—gets triggered by activity. There is not some underlying, repressed thing going on. My pain has been going so long that my day to day emotional life doesn't seem to be related to it. The offending activity is the trigger, not my emotional state.
My fiance's best shot at an explanation of this is that because I've been dealing with chronic pain for 20+ years, I need to keep doing the work of investigating (and, basically, "feeling") this pain to get down to a "base layer." To use the metaphor of a house, if someone is a hoarder, they have to clear out all of the junk they have accumulated before they can deep clean the floor. Her perspective is that at this point, my emotions are tied to the pain itself, which has derailed so many aspects of my life, not just the core stressors and events from childhood (which I continue to investigate and not find much trauma).
Do you all agree with this "base layer" theory? I'm going to obviously finish the SEP (my hard-ass personality type is the kind of person who sees things through lol), but the accounts in the program and the books don't seem to accord with any of my experience.
Apologies if I'm not wording this well, things are a bit of a struggle right now. Just thought I'd share in case anyone else had any perspectives to share.
—Edgerton
Hi folks!
Made it to day 22, chugging along. I was able to do some minor upper body workouts without my neck/scalenes going crazy so I'm pretty hyped about that. Normally doing pushups wrecks me and while my neck still hurts, the "loudness" of the pain has gone way down. A big win!
The lumbar area, however, has been acting up in a major way. This is nothing new for me—it's been a problem for years. What's annoying is that what is triggering it is going for a walk. I mean, the lumbar hasn't been feeling great in general, but going for walks activates it something fierce (spasms). I've had a ton of tests done and don't have any structural damage. The pain also isn't sciatica-like (my pain never travels down the legs, no nerve damage, never stabbing). Feels very much like muscle pain. There was an entire section in the SEP about being scared of going for a walk, and I don't relate. I'm not scared of going for a walk. I'm going for a walk whether it hurts or not. But the pain just gets worse and worse the longer the walk.
What I'm struggling with is reading Sarno's books and this forum, which both say that when people have flare ups like I'm having, they should remind themselves that it's not actual damage and they need to look at their emotions (maybe do a "feeling inventory" as the SEP mentions). Checking in will make them realize they are sad/angry/whatever.
I fully accept there is no physical damage. And I am able to connect with emotions—I'm sad and angry about the helplessness and feeling disabled and debilitated. I've dug in pretty deep to reviewing past and current stressors and acknowledging them isn't having any impact on how the lumbar feels.
But my pain—both now and in the past—gets triggered by activity. There is not some underlying, repressed thing going on. My pain has been going so long that my day to day emotional life doesn't seem to be related to it. The offending activity is the trigger, not my emotional state.
My fiance's best shot at an explanation of this is that because I've been dealing with chronic pain for 20+ years, I need to keep doing the work of investigating (and, basically, "feeling") this pain to get down to a "base layer." To use the metaphor of a house, if someone is a hoarder, they have to clear out all of the junk they have accumulated before they can deep clean the floor. Her perspective is that at this point, my emotions are tied to the pain itself, which has derailed so many aspects of my life, not just the core stressors and events from childhood (which I continue to investigate and not find much trauma).
Do you all agree with this "base layer" theory? I'm going to obviously finish the SEP (my hard-ass personality type is the kind of person who sees things through lol), but the accounts in the program and the books don't seem to accord with any of my experience.
Apologies if I'm not wording this well, things are a bit of a struggle right now. Just thought I'd share in case anyone else had any perspectives to share.
—Edgerton
