Some realizations made

so I've been dealing with some pain for about a year now after being free from pain for about 3 years. I was so angry that it returned and scared at the same time. I had been searching for the stressors constantly and doing whatever I could to get rid of this pain, nothing really worked.

So I decided to stop trying so much and just accept the diagnosis. I know it's TMS but I'm constantly annoyed that it's still around.. my pain has gone down at least 50% and while I know it's TMS I've realized that every time I run and check the area that hurts all I'm doing is reinforcing things.. never once did rubbing the area make it feel better, I'm doing this out of habit and it's making me do it more.

Lately my pain isn't so much in my back but in my glute, which makes my daily run difficult but still manageable. But the pain movement is a sign that I'm getting on the right track. I'm just really struggling because I know what it is but I still feel like I'm waiting for it to go away instead of living like it is all the way gone like I did the first go around.. (I think this is my biggest problem)

Ive also realized how my brain really waits for something physical to get me back on the pain loop, it's the only way I can justify a physical reason for pain, when pain has shown up from no where I just sit and think about how there was no cause and it goes away in a few days. But when it gets me froma physical action then I start to wonder and doubt..

Now just figuring out how to overcome it again, I think I'll stick to my relaxed approach, I really have to stop being so hard on myself and know I'll be fine