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SOME MUCH-NEEDED LAUGHS FOR TMSers

Discussion in 'General Discussion Subforum' started by Walt Oleksy, Dec 16, 2015.

  1. Walt Oleksy

    Walt Oleksy Beloved Grand Eagle

    Some church bulletin bloopers to give us a laugh. TMSers can relate to many of them. If you are not a churchgoer, think of all the fun you’re missing.

    The Men’s Group will hold their annual meeting Monday eve. An offering will be taken for the Salvation Army. Bring your wife.

    It being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Johnson to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.

    By the way, for those who have children and do not know it, we have a nursery in the basement of the church.

    Don’t forget, this Saturday the ladies of the Secret Sister program will be revealing themselves.

    for the complete list see the attachment.


     

    Attached Files:

  2. Walt Oleksy

    Walt Oleksy Beloved Grand Eagle

    Here is the complete list of bloopers:

    Some church bulletin bloopers to give us a laugh. TMSers can relate to many of them. If you are not a churchgoer, think of all the fun you’re missing.

    The Men’s Group will hold their annual meeting Monday eve. An offering will be taken for the Salvation Army. Bring your wife.

    It being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Johnson to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.

    By the way, for those who have children and do not know it, we have a nursery in the basement of the church.

    Don’t forget, this Saturday the ladies of the Secret Sister program will be revealing themselves.

    Musician wanted! Must be able to play piano in Spanish.

    The Ladies Liturgy Society will meet on Wednesday. Mrs. Jones will sing “Put Me in My Little Bed” accompanied by the pastor.

    This week Weight Watchers will meet at 7 pm at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use the large double doors at the side entrance.

    Thursday at 1 pm there will be a meeting of the Little Mother’s Club. All those wishing to become Little Mothers, please meet with the minister in his study.

    The used-clothing sale will begin at 1 pm Saturday. If things don’t sell, there will be a price reduction later in the day. This means that ladies’ skirts will drop at 4 pm and men’s pants lowered shortly after.

    Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.

    The Rev. Merriwether spoke briefly, much to the delight of the audience.

    During the minister’s illness: GOD IS GOOD; Dr. Hargreaves is better.

    Applications are now being accepted for 2 year-old nursery workers.

    Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Nelson’s sermons.

    The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Reverend and Mrs. Julius Belzer.

    The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s “Hamlet” in the church basement on Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

    Don’t let worry kill you off – let the church help.

    Let us join David and Lisa in the celebration of their wedding and bring their happiness to a conclusion.

    Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 to 8:30p.m. Please use the back door.

    Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.

    The choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join them.

    Hymn: “I Love Thee My Ford.”

    Ushers will eat latecomers.

    Tuesday at 4 pm there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.

    Thursday night Potluck supper: prayer and medication to follow.

    Evening massage will be held at 6 p.m.

    The Pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.

    This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.

    The service will close with, "Little Drops of Water." One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in.

    The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They can be seen in the church basement Saturday.

    A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

    Next Sunday, a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come forward and get a piece of paper.

    Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

    The Lutheran Men's group will meet at 6 p.m. Steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel.

    Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

    There will not be any Women Worth Watching this week.

    The Honeymooners are now having bile studies each Tuesday evening at 7:30 p.m.

    I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, even though he diets, yet shall he live.

    A new loudspeaker system has been installed in the church. It was given by one of our members in honor of his wife.

    The Outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.
     
    James59 and inymyfruitcup like this.
  3. blake

    blake Well known member

    Thanks Walt! My favourite one was the one about the low self-esteem group.
     
  4. Walt Oleksy

    Walt Oleksy Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi, Blake. Yes, the low self esteem one was hilarious.
     

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