Silence can be oddly powerful when combined with being comfortable in your silence.
As for social situations, I have pre-set my boundaries and my 'tribe' does not expect me to participate, though they unfailingly extend their invitations. In this, I am very blessed to have such lovely friends.
I especially never participate in any social activity that involves food or any form of alcohol. I prefer mindful eating, and since I enjoy my food, I consume it only in the nurturing environment of my home. And alcohol ... it changes people into strangers, and the volume gets too loud. No one hears each other ... they are too wrapped in their own voices. Many (most?) social situations are gossipy, which, too often, carries the subtle (or not so subtle) blade of mockery and scorn. Thus, you rarely get to connect with someone at more authentic levels.
I am a sensitive person. I prefer to feel, not talking.
When I am talking to much, I lose the contact with myself, and that is something I don't want.
And what are the conversations about?
About the weather? About dinner you had last night? About clothes they sell in the shop? About the elections?
For me this is the reason I didn't participated with nonsense. This is not what life is about.
When that came clear to me, rest became over me and silence.
Now I can be quiet in company, but still present, and the rest usually also calms down.
When there is no talking, I don't feel afraid anymore, because I am in the present.
What Rozie says pretty much sums it up
The only time I feel truly lonely is when I am involved with
any social situation. If I was ever caught in one (family) and I could not escape, I would make myself useful. Who doesn't appreciate a volunteer to do the dishes?
No one 'expects' me to be social. Anyone who does soon learns to remove that expectation. There is often surprise when I explain this, as I seem so comfortable and calm and so fully engaged when at Farmers' Market or teaching Yoga, or teaching Poi ... but these aren't social situations. They are activities with specific intentions.
Introverts need
some social interactions, but it is a matter of finding the venue for this.
I'm an introvert. I like to rest back in social situations, listen and observe, add to the conversation when I have something to say. I used to struggle, largely because I felt I had to be witty, entertaining and charismatic. Having dispensed of these silly notions I am free to be myself. I trust myself and am grounded in who I am and what I have to offer. This enables me to be at ease which lets others be at their ease.
Some people are the strong and silent type (my youngest brother), others are flamboyant and hilariously funny (my other brother), and most are somewhere in between. I love the differences in the interactions these bring and our relationships run smoothly when we are just ourselves. There is comfort in that.
Cease trying and content yourself with being the lovely, quiet, sensitive soul you are. Allow those qualities to permeate your interactions and you will feel tension dissipate. Being a person of depth is a lovely thing.
Perfection, as always!
Social talk... hmmm... Sometimes I like it but it really depends on what kind of monkeys join the circle. Do they want to impress each other? Or are they just chilling and sharing peanuts? It really is a form of flee picking and food sharing. You tell me your story about what happened to you in the mall, I tell you my story about how dreadful the vacation was. You tell me where to buy those shoes, I tell you a joke that makes you laugh. You want a beer, I am getting one myself so... ?? No thank you, want some peanuts??
But it really is a vicious cycle... My findings have been that the less I care, the more talkative I seem to be... and sometimes there is the aftermath 'oh my god, did I really say that to him/her?? Why can't I just shut up?'. Anxiety beforehand, self critique afterwards, both during... The trick for me is still trying to do everything in the moment. Don't worry beforehand, don't worry while you're there and don't critique yourself afterwards. And don't forget that probably half the people there have difficulty with all this too. And... the more you do it, the easier it becomes.
... and this, too!
You are just perfect how you are. Let yourself BE.
.... with Love and Gratitude
