SO HARD : (

How am I supposed to ignore this pain 3 weeks in (2nd time in 10 years dealing with TMS foot pain) when I'm on my feet teaching all day. I am really trying...mantras, thinking about what it is about my job I am angry about, thinking about what other things in my life are bothering me. This process is so up and down...its really hard not to fall apart. I just want my life back.

 

Thanks Forest, You have been such a big support. I was thinking the same thing...that today's intensity is just another extinction burst. Steven's book and his focus on Jung's theories are really opening up some stuff for me. I had a long talk (and cry) with my mother on the phone today. We talked about some things from my early childhood, things that may have laid the ground work for my perfectionist (or irreproachable, as my therapist would call it) tendencies. I have definitely uncovered very early experiences of separation anxiety and shame that may very well be the keys to understanding why I repress.

It's just on these days when the pain is unbearable its so hard to push through. I'm on my feet the whole day at work....i did a pretty good job at staying positive after i posted my initial post above...but somehow the end of the long day catches up with me (it didn't help that I was rushing from work to traffic court to fight a ticket) and I start to fall apart.

My mom keeps reminding me that same thing you are...that this is not forever that I am on the path to healing... She is in program (Al-Anon) and we are finding so many parallels between this forum/TMS healing and her 12 step program. I need to keep believing that good will come of this...that I am evolving and the present state of emotional and physical discomfort is part of the path I need to be on in order to discover my true self.

Did I mention that I am not a very patient person...I want what I want when I want it. I want healing now and of course the universe has other plans...then ago my impatience is just part of my ego....guess I need to learn to let go/surrender.

 

PS-yes i will read some success stories tonight. will lift my spirts. thanks for suggestion.

 

Hi, Lala. Read your posts and replies from Forest and also want to give you encouragement.
I have back pain and it hurts when I walk but I bite the bullet and drive to Jewel for groceries and just try to keep up the daily routine.

A suggestion about keeping positive... In the Affirmations section of TSMwiki... I find it helpful to tell and repeat to my unconscious a mantra that has helped me with anxiety over the years:

"Every day, in every way, I am getting better and better." It's the brainchild of a French psychiatrist, Coue, and became the mantra of those wanting business and financial success. I repeat it about 25 times before sleepingand before arising in the morning, and during the day while walking or driving.

I now add "I have no pain."

Also, someone else suggested that while saying a mantra, use an acupressure technique some call "the valley point." It is the fleshy place between the thumb and index finger (on both hands). Press that spot repeatedly while saying your mantra and BELIEVE your mantra.
Massaging the valley point adds stress relief.

Hope this helps. I'm only one week into Dr. Brady's PAIN FREE FOR LIFE. It tells his 6-week program based on Dr. Sarno's books with Brady's own plan for how to put Sarno's ideas into practice. You can buy the book used at www.amazon.com books for only about $2 plus s&h. Sarno's book HEALING YOUR BACK PAIN also only cost $1 at amazon.

Walt Glenview

 

Lala, remember: healing takes as long as it takes. But it does happen!

I have to say--I think it's pretty cool you could have the conversation with your mom about childhood events!

 

Hi Lala,

I know where you're coming from with this. for a while you can push the pain away and get through it but eventually it just consumes you and you start to freak out. thats what happened at fedex for me and i eventually had to quit because the pain was too much to bear anymore. the last 3 weeks to a month for me haven't been very good at all either so i know what its like to fall into that slump of feeling negative about the whole situation. I would also recommended to Read I'm a TMSer Triathlete. I read that post like 3-4 times and it really clicks because Enrique had this pain before, he's overcomed it, and then it came back and he fell back into the physical realm again and it kind of "tricked" him. Around the bottom of that post he talks about what he did to finally overcome the pain again. I actually think im going to reread that post again too because I haven't been having the best pain days lately either. That post is really encouraging though because it shows people like yourself who have overcome the pain in the past, can have the same doubts and stuff resurface again later in life but you overcome them the same way.

If I recall he listened to Monte's tapes every day at least 15 minutes, did a scorecard to eliminate any doubt between physical and psychological, and some other stuff. I did the scorecard too and that helps when you see that the column for psychological is long as hell and the physical one is short. Don't get me wrong you'll still have doubts creep up questioning if you're doing the right thing when the pain is really bad (like when you wrote this post) but keep referring back to that scorecard to reaffirm to yourself that this couldn't possibly be plantar fasciitis or foot pain caused by physical problems.

The last few months I've really been treating my anxiety and one thing that comes up a lot with anxiety disorders is: the more you worry about it the worse it gets. Its the same thing with TMS (I think TMS and anxiety relate almost hand in hand they're kind of the same type of deal). I can tell by your post that you were kind of freaking out about the pain because it gets overwhelming but remember if you do that it makes it worse i know this from experience.

have you been doing relaxation techniques to calm down your mind/body? i talked to steve ozanich a lot about this and it was the most important thing he recommended for me since i have anxiety (GAD since I was like 7) and obsessive compulsive disorder. The relaxation techniques dont work right away.. they take some time for the body to react to them but doing something like PMR you can really tell immediately where tension is being stored in your body.

I can tell you that since i started doing PMR ive realized how on edge I feel every day (i feel really on edge writing this right now) and its not normal to feel like that all the time. i dont know if you feel like this where your chest is kind of tight and you just feel tense in general.

I would recommend reading that triathlon post a number of times, trying relaxation techniques every single day, and if you can add in physical exercise to eliminate that built up nervous tension. I need to do this too Im way out of shape and my leg bounces like crazy since I have all of this pent up energy which I know just feeds the anxiety.

 

Thanks Walt, I am writing your affirmation in my journal and am going to include it in my daily readings/work. And yes that pressure point is always a great one..i forget about it sometimes. I haven't heard of dr. Brady's book, but i just ordered Schubiner's UNLEARN YOUR PAIN...which i believe is similar and recommended by many people on this site. I will check out Dr. Brady's on amazon as well. Thanks for the support!

 

thanks dabatross for all your suggestions. Haven't read all of Enrique's post yet,...going to print it out now. Thanks for all your suggestions. yes I had a freak out day yesterday...but the end of the day revealed some pretty intense things from childhood (that my mom helped me uncovered) and more repressed rage about my job. I think Forest is right in that I was experiencing another extinction burst....as the repressed stuff was bubbling to the surface my unconscious was fighting harder and harder to distract me. Today is definitely a better day. It's just soooo damn hard when you are in the thick of it...it really is

Thanks for your support and words of wisdom. Lala

 

Feeling much better today Forest...you were right..another extinction burst...lots of emotional stuff came pouring out of me yesterday after an intense talk with my Mom, in which we uncovered some early childhood experiences that might have set the stage for my perfectionism/repression!

 

Hi, Lala. I journaled this morning to acknowledge the childhood causes of my repressed anger/guilt and now hope I have convinced my
subconscious that I truly do forgive those people. I understand, finally, those causes and its easier to forgive. I was too young to understand back then.

I bit the bullet and took my dog for a walk this morning. 4 blocks (2 up and 2 back to the car to drive home). It was painful but not as bad as I've had it. Maybe my subconscious is starting to believe me and give up on giving me pain. I hope so. -- Walt