Day 18 Sneaky Stuff

[Stella]

I am 100% convinced I have TMS---no doubt. But in the last few weeks I got new orthotics. I noticed my right heel hurting. So, I wonder, is it TMS or the new orthotics. It is interesting how the unconscious mind works at creating doubt. I tell myself " I am not going to stop walking no matter how my heel feels." I am still walking 4-5 miles each day. The hurts but no big deal.

Then I have been feeling so good I have been walking fast with long strides. It is so accelerating. Well, wouldn't you know, both inner thigh muscles have always always been very tight. I thought this was just my body build. I try to always stretch before walking. Now the left inner thigh muscles is hurting from the long strides ( I would have assumed this in the past.) Then I saw what someone else wrote about being stiff and tight which I am too. So I am thinking this inner thigh muscles tightness and pain is TMS. Again the unconscious mind is trying to create doubt. My physical therapist started telling me to walk slow because the inner thigh muscles was tight and throbbing.

Right, guys, this is TMS. I need some reinforcement. Please.

 

[yb44]

If you are familiar with Dr Sarno's books, just imagine what he would have to say about all of this. Create an imaginary dialogue.

Today I am aching in various locations. I had a busy day cleaning, running errands (on foot), baking, laundering, ironing, walking the dog, sewing and preparing dinner. I had one quick break at lunchtime. Perhaps I have reached my limit. Then I considered what thoughts I was having as I was going about my chores. Many stress and anger-inducing thoughts including stuff that didn't go well at work this week, my being unhappy in my job, my daughter who is having some emotional problems, my mother from whom I am estranged, my husband who is a workaholic. So I am pretty sure any physical strain I am experiencing is down to the mental strain I placed upon myself.

However, tomorrow is another day and I have some fun stuff planned.

 

[Stella]

Thank you so much. Your answer is very helpful. I can see exactly what he would say. Yes, just more TMS stuff. Just keep on movin.

You are right I have more holiday stuff, parent stuff, grandkid stuff on my mind. I can't wait until January to get it all behind me. I am trying to make a lot of people happy which I am more and more aware of and the impact on my pain.

 

[yb44]

What can you do to make yourself happy? One of David Clarke's keys to healing is looking after oneself. He rightly says in his book, They Can't Find Anything Wrong, that you will be no good to anyone if your stress makes you ill. He suggests creating boundaries, telling those who expect from you that you will be taking x hours per week for your own personal care.

I have fallen foul of sneaky stuff this week. My brain is sending pain signals, cutting off the oxygen supply to my back, leg and hip reasoning that I did too much and trying its darnedest to prove to me that I am prone to these symptoms so I will continue to get them.

I am working on my counter arguments. I am 100% sure this is TMS. I am strong and can withstand the physical activity I have engaged in over the last few days. I know that I am stressed mostly because of my daughter whose situation is calling up all sorts of frightening and evil memories for me. This is what is causing the symptoms. I also resolved to pay the gym a visit last weekend but then changed my mind. Sneaky brain latched on to this.

"Ah ha! You are fearful of hurting yourself."

"No", I reply, "I simply chose to do other things that I had been putting off for ages. I will get to the gym when I good and well want to."

As for January, it will come when it comes. We don't need to wish our lives away.