Day 22 Small Successes!

I just wanted to share some small breakthroughs I've had recently. Yesterday I felt absolutely terrible… extremely fatigued, and also quite tense and sore in my back, shoulders and neck.

I knew it was TMS, as I went to my brother's wedding the night before. While it was a wonderful event, it was also stressful in many ways due to family tensions and having to do lots of small talk. Yesterday evening before bed, my back started to get really sore… it seemed to get worse as the day went on.

Before I went to sleep, I started talking to myself and telling the pain to stop. I also talked to my subconscious mind, and said "I know what you're up to, you can't fool me. I know the pain is just caused by anger and stress. I'm going to find out and do some journalling tomorrow." (Or something to that effect!)

Today my back pain is gone, and my neck and shoulders feel far less tense. I find that often when I use "pain talk" the soreness seems to dissipate gradually, and then later I realise, "Oh yeah, the pain is gone!"

I've also had a lot of improvement in my fatigue, as I decided to stop eating most grains. At first I had a lot of wheat cravings, but now I feel significantly better. The combination of changing my diet, and doing regular meditation to address my negative/anxious thought, has made a huge difference!

Today I feel really "alive" for the first time in such a long time. It's really amazing not to be clouded by so much brain fog and exhaustion. I'm very excited!

 

Great news from you, Laudisco. You talked "turkey" to your subconscious and the pain went away.
The diet change also sounds like it's helping you. Grains may not agree with you, especially wheat.

The family get-together probably did bring up some repressed anger and gave you emotional and physical stress.
Take all that with deep breathing and meditation. The stressful meeting is not in your present moment now.
Put it in the past and now live in the present moment which sounds like you feel "alive" and happy.

Congratulations on coming through the fog.

 

Yes, I have had some wheat cravings but my mind feels a lot clearer since I have stopped eating grains. I still eat quinoa and legumes, and today I even made dhal curry for the first time! I really enjoyed and was happy with this achievement, as normally I don't like cooking very much.

I agree, the wedding certainly brought up some repressed anger and difficult emotions. I was seated between my aunt and my grandmother at the reception, but unfortunately they had a fight earlier that day and were not talking to each other! My parents later told me I was a saint, considering I was put in such a tricky situation with them!!

Also, overall I haven't had a very close relationship with my brother and I feel that he holds a grudge against me. I'm sad as I can forgive him, yet it seems he still holds onto the past. Even in the wedding speeches, my brother and his wife thanked all of the family. They mentioned the names of my parents and all my siblings, but they did not mention my name.

I realised it was probably just an oversight as I'm sure they were very stressed all day. Yet afterwards I needed to journal to "vent" my feelings and make a choice to forgive - regardless of whether the omission was intentional or not. I feel like I'm moving on and coming to peace with the situation.