At the time of my last post I was taking some time off, staying at my mom's out in the country, had decided to quit my band, was hoping to go to Hawaii and then find a new living situation upon my return. I'm now back in the city, working and staying at a friend's apartment while he is out of town. Hawaii is not gonna happen, and the band is going to be playing a whole lot less than we have in the past and so I'm considering staying on, at least until I get into my own apartment. My TMS manifests itself at night particularly, although its present during the day too. I wake up in the middle of the night with my shoulders scrunched up around my neck and severe tightness in my shoulders and neck. Obviously my anxiety runs rampant while I sleep. It's very frustrating. I've tried meditating and yoga before bed with varying results. I broke my sobriety last week also, both with alcohol and weed, thinking that maybe having a beer at night might help me relax. I don't get drunk or smoke all day, but I figured a balance might make my psyche happy instead of trying to be so extreme. I also quit seeing the counselor I was seeing. I had 5 sessions with him and I think it helped but I kind of got tired of talking about all this stuff. I just want it to be over. I'm tired of dealing with this. I want a good nights sleep. I want to wake up and go about my day without worrying about muscle pain. I keep bouncing between different approaches. I'll try journaling or the Structured Education Program for a couple weeks and then I'll give up on that and try meditating/yoga for a couple weeks, then I'll try intense exercise, massage or re-reading Dr. Sarno's books. I've also bought and partially read many spiritual books, books on anxiety and worry etc... I overwhelm myself with options. I think they are all valid but I notice they're all centered around reducing the pain and therefore probably reinforcing it. I just want to be done with this. To quote one of my favorite songs- I'm so tired of being tired. I realize the problem is probably 85% my perfectionism personality. How I wish to be a type B personality. My mind is an asshole and it just wish it would quit tormenting me. It's constantly running like a hampster on a wheel. Worrying about this and that. Thinking about details to upcoming events, planning, trying hard. I feel horribly lonely. So many times I've wished for someone to just love me and hold me and tell me it's gonna be alright. Going thru this by myself is the hardest part. I can get laid anytime I want but finding someone to rub my shoulders and give me love is not always so easy. What should I do?