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Since I moved out

Discussion in 'Support Subforum' started by Boston Redsox, Mar 5, 2016.

  1. Boston Redsox

    Boston Redsox Well Known Member

    Since I finally packed my bags and moved out of my bad marriage and my grown children 17-19 my pain and anxiety is out of control ..total body pain all over feels like and bad sunburn from head to toe ..my emotions are like a roller coaster I miss my home my children dogs. Though i am grateful for my brother and his family for taking me in. The sadness and anger are unmanageable no matter what I do . I am just excepting them as tms and move on but today i can not seem to get out of bed my pain is a 10 . My dr did start me on Zoloft and Ativan for sleep. I have to say besides catching my wife cheating on me this is the most pain I have had in a long time . Theres not much I can do is breath and keep myself someone occupied. I pray to God for strength to get me threw. I wanted to share this with you all.
     
  2. intense50

    intense50 Well known member

    Your are not alone. You are loved.
    In HIS name I declare peace and health for you now. By HIS stripes you are healed. Keep the faith. You can do it.
     
    Last edited: Mar 5, 2016
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  3. Boston Redsox

    Boston Redsox Well Known Member

  4. KatheC

    KatheC New Member

    Instead of what you suffer, consider all the blessings and good in your life. Dont focus on the negative, focus on the positive. You are blessed to realize you needed out of that situation and were strong enough to have the courage to make a positive change. Don't keep thinking about the "should haves" focus on the present and press forward all the great things that you have to look forward to. Make a list if all your blessing, write them down, and read them when you get down. Dont keep reliving your past, "realize the present moment is all you ever have", an Eckart Tolle quote, that really is true. Best of luck, you are strong and will get through this. Take care.
     
  5. JanAtheCPA

    JanAtheCPA Beloved Grand Eagle

    I'm really sorry, Boston. You already know that it's hardly surprising that your pain is full-tilt right now. The thing is, now that you're out of the house, that's a big distraction that isn't there all the time - and back comes the pain.

    This is a great time for you to recognize that your brain is desperate to keep you from experiencing deep emotions that it thinks you can't handle.

    I have been through some stuff in my day, and here is what I learned, which I will try to apply to your situation:

    1. Feeling like a failure. It's going to be healthier to face exactly why you feel like you have failed - and, having faced that, accept it, and then move on. Because, believe me, deep down, down where your brain is repressing all the shit, you DO feel like a failure. I've been there, I know.

    2. Feeling abandoned. Been there, too. Obviously your wife abandoned you. But guess what - your children have abandoned you on some level as well. Hell, even your dogs have abandoned you. And this is TRUE even though obviously they can't live with you right now. It's still abandonment. This is one of the CORE issues of humanity - it's big, and it's scary, and your brain again thinks that you can't handle acknowledging that you've been abandoned.

    3. I can already hear your response to #2. And yes, it's ironic, because you are probably FULL of guilt about abandoning your children, and your dogs. Guilt is a killer - because it's all about self-hatred, when what you really need to do right now is to be kind to yourself - and getting out of that house was the first step to taking care of yourself. Get over the guilt - you have more important stuff to work on.

    4. Isolation. Do I even need to explain this one? It's another core human issue. But our brains are really good at hiding this one from us, and covering it up with distractions. You are experiencing isolation, and probably fearing the isolation in your future. This is totally normal, and very human. And once again, it's going to be healthier to acknowledge it, and accept it as normal, and live with it. It won't kill you to feel it - your primitive brain just thinks that it will - but we know now that it will not.

    Good luck, Boston - it's a good move, I know it. And your TMS is flaring because it's fighting knowing it.

    Jan
     
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  6. giantsfan

    giantsfan Well known member

    Although we're not physically there next to you, we're here with you to listen and talk. Take care, buddy. You'll get through this.
     
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  7. Susan1111

    Susan1111 Well known member

    Firstly Boson sending you lots of hugs feel them holding you caring about you....as giantsfan says we may not be physically there with you but we are all there for you.
    Now that you have our hugs give one to yourself, a big loving one!! Now is the time to be easy on yourself, give yourself a break, be compassionate with yourself. Of course you're in pain who wouldn't be but yours is showing physically....now can you start to feel it from deep inside...do you believe in the inner child, perhaps now's the time to reach out to this little boy because he's in pain and your inner critic is having a field day. Treat and soothe this little boy as you would one of your children.

    Your mantra ' I derseve love' I deserve to be in a healthy relationship'. I am enough.

    One day at a time...and my hope is with each passing day you will feel better with the new life in front of you that you can fill with the love and joy you deserve.

    Warmly, Susan
     
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  8. stayfit65

    stayfit65 Peer Supporter

    Prayers going up for you.
     
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  9. Simplicity

    Simplicity Guest

    I'm sorry you're not feeling well, Marco. It's a good thing that you took this step, I remember how horrible it was for you when you still lived with your ex. I agree with @Susan1111, you have to be kind to yourself. Sometimes things happen that are out of our control and you've done the best you can. It's OK to be sad, angry and grieve the loss of what was. This is a big change for you and for your family, so it will take some time for things to settle. You're strong enough to get through this. You know we're here for you. All the best.
     
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  10. Boston Redsox

    Boston Redsox Well Known Member

    Thx you all for your support and kind words, sometimes that's all we need !
    I knew this would be tough but WOW it has knocked me on my ass.

    Again your word of encouragement mean a lot. I am grateful for my brother and is family that have opened there home to me, it's a great support for me emotionally.

    God Bless us all
     
  11. MWsunin12

    MWsunin12 Beloved Grand Eagle

    I will pray for you, too, Boston. That's a tough transition, but sound like one you needed. Break down your day into 1 hour time slots. Only think about what you'll do to occupy your thoughts for the next hour. The big picture can make anyone overwhelmed. Thinking of you.
     
  12. tgirl

    tgirl Well known member

    I am sorry you are going through such pain Boston. Just know this will pass. You are going through the worst of it right now. Hang in there. Thinking of you!
     
  13. Gigi

    Gigi Well known member

    So sorry for your pain, both physical and emotional. When i've been at my lowest, i start by listing my "grateful"s. Sounds silly, but it works! Sometimes it gets down to the level of, "I can brush my own teeth and tie my own shoes!"
     
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  14. Dexy

    Dexy Peer Supporter

    I am so sorry for your pain right now, Boston. I am thinking of you and hoping you can navigate this difficult time with the support of your friends and family. Open up, let yourself be vulnerable with others and you will receive such an outpouring of support you will be overwhelmed by the love. Just keep cracking open. Keep writing on this forum for support as much as you need it as well.
     
  15. Andy Bayliss

    Andy Bayliss TMS Coach & Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi Marco,
    I hope you can contemplate that all of the hell you are going through is not your fault. It is just the human condition. That helps me sometimes, to know that I did not cause the suffering. It just is. Helps me relax, because there is also, then less to do about it. Less to fix, and more to simply experience. Thanks for reaching out.
    Andy B
     
  16. Boston Redsox

    Boston Redsox Well Known Member

    Thx you Dexy and Andy

    For your thoughts and advice yes it's been very tough but it is a positive step towards a better life even though I do not see it clearly yet but with each passing day the fog lifts a little

    Marco
     
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  17. Walt Oleksy

    Walt Oleksy Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi, Marco. It looks like guilt may have you by the gonads. But hey, the marriage wasn't working, so it was wise to let it go.

    I read something recently about all this and will look for it now and add to this reply if I can find it. I'll post this and then look for hat stuff.
     
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  18. Walt Oleksy

    Walt Oleksy Beloved Grand Eagle

    I found it. It's a quote from Johnny Carson...

    “I get sick of that old rationalization, ‘We’re staying together because of the children.’ Kids couldn’t be more miserable living with parents who can’t stand each other. They’re far better off if there’s an honest, clean divorce.”

    My own thoughts are, you haven't divorced from your teenage children, you divorced from their mother. One of my best friends divorced a couple of years ago but is still the loving and caring father to his three teenagers. They just don't live together anymore, and actually, all three are on their own now, one married and himself a father. Hang in there, Marco. You are the the same man. Your life has just changed, and life has a way of doing that. Often the change is for the best, as I believe yours is.
     
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  19. Boston Redsox

    Boston Redsox Well Known Member

    Walt thx you so much for your kind words....it's has been a very tough go of it and on top of the tms. Life can really put you to the test.
     
  20. Walt Oleksy

    Walt Oleksy Beloved Grand Eagle

    I also like to think that you are going to fall in love with someone new soon and marry again. Maybe you aren't thinking about that today, but it's good to keep in mind. Several friends divorced, with children, and found greater happiness the second time around, even the third.
     
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