Shoulder shoulder shoulder

[jbrooks]

Hi guys,

Long time TMS'er here. I am dealing with yet another exciting symptom to add to my collection, incredibly strange and painful shoulder pain. I know there are tons of different types of shoulder pain, mine actually has a clinical diagnosis (according to Dr. Google), shoulder impingement syndrome (and we all know about syndromes!). The pain is fascinating and very real, if I lift my right arm out to my side higher than 45° the pain is.....interesting. There is a gap, a pause, almost like a child after they fall and they are gathering for the cry. Then, it is a SHARP acute pain in the shoulder joint often followed by a radiating pain down the arm. The pain then becomes fuzzy and fades. Has anyone had this before??

I work out so it is troublesome to say the least, though I have NOT stopped working out because: 1. I have no acute injury and 2. the pain has been there for sometime though not nearly as bad, and about 10 days ago or so, I swear to you guys, I remember getting weirded out by it and thinking to myself, "do I need to think about this??" and ever since then it has gotten exponentially worse and worse and worse. Which has caused more googling etc.

I went through a knee thing a couple of years ago during my divorce that was somewhat similar to this. Swelled up, hurt pretty good, again, no acute injury and of course it has gone completely away since then (though it likes to revisit now and again, probing, testing). I rested that symptom and slowly got back into physical activity, though this time I am tempted to just keep on keeping on. Of course, like all older persons (I am 55) life is hard for a variety of reasons and emotions are difficult to say the least. I know with all my being that if I went to a Dr. the findings would be 'inconclusive' or they would find some BS 'normal' shoulder abnormality and then blame it on that.

SO. the reason for this thread is that I have come across something interesting with TMS that I think is known but I would like to state it here. The weird little 'probing' pains and anxieties our minds try that don't work fade quickly and then we are on to the next. However, once we dedicate thought and energy to one, we are often in for it. And what I mean by that is, often these symptoms will hang around for quite sometime and even after we have decided it is TMS, they still persist. What I am deciding to do (as of today) is every time I find myself wondering or thinking about my shoulder, I am going to think about something in my life that is really bugging me. Something I find extremely difficult. Someone on TMSWIKI had posted that this was their favorite method for getting out of the 'loop' and I agree, it seems like a great idea. Not focusing on the ridiculous pain, and instead owning the painful or difficult emotions in the moment. Journaling can also be a great tool, however it is typically done once per day, and I find that often once we are duped by a symptom we are in an all day, everyday grind with it and it starts to own us in a way. By switching to another very engaging thought process, i.e. something that is really uncomfortable to think about, we can show the mind we are not afraid and stop reinforcing the neural pain pathway. I'm feeling really committed to this.

Wishing you all the best!

 

[JanAtheCPA]

Hey there @jbrooks, it's been a few months. This is a great post, and I just had to look up your profile and older posts, because I knew we'd seen you before, and you're not really a "new" member - you just post sparingly, that's all - but they're really good when you do

I'm going to recommend your thread from last summer, in which we take TMS seriously, but the symptoms not so much
https://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/i-chose-my-next-symptom-during-a-flare-up-and-it-worked.28459/ (I chose my next symptom during a flare up and it worked!)

 

[JanAtheCPA]

Not focusing on the ridiculous pain, and instead owning the painful or difficult emotions in the moment. Journaling can also be a great tool,

And, by the way, 100% agree with this. I just posted a mini success story about something along the same lines

 

[Baseball65]

What I am deciding to do (as of today) is every time I find myself wondering or thinking about my shoulder, I am going to think about something in my life that is really bugging me. Something I find extremely difficult. Someone on TMSWIKI had posted that this was their favorite method for getting out of the 'loop' and I agree, it seems like a great ide

That is on Pg 77 of "healing back pain". It is described in detail and is the actual place where the wear between you and TMS is fought out.
Even though the stuff that causes TMS isn't conscious, using the stuff that IS conscious as thought fodder to combat an attack is TELLING the unconscious that you know what it is doing. Sarno described it as 'blowing the lid on a covert operation'

However, once we dedicate thought and energy to one, we are often in for it. And what I mean by that is, often these symptoms will hang around for quite sometime and even after we have decided it is TMS, they still persist.

It generally has to be something that can distract me at the time...maybe that's why it probes around. A spasm in my calf won't stop me from playing guitar. Plantar Fasciitis won't stop me from a desk job. etc,etc.... a good TMS attack has to be scary and Intrusive i.e. blocking me from doing something.
Immediately after my back got better, My Knee, Thumb and the SHOULDER became excruciating. I got an injection and 'took it easy' over a long weekend and it got much worse. Then when it occurred to me it was scary and keeping me off a baseball field I went and threw the longest batting practice Ever, all the while focusing on how pissed I was that I had to coach and couldn't play....and the pain left.
PG 77...

-peace

 

[jbrooks]

@JanAtheCPA Thanks Jan! I really appreciate the encouragement.

 

[jbrooks]

@Baseball65 I really like what you have to say on this subject. My shoulder pain has actually gotten worse, though I haven't stopped working out. The funny thing is, working out (or the exercises I do, which do involve the shoulder) don't really bother it. It is lifting my arm over my head that is absolutely excruciating. In fact, it nearly drops me to my knees sometimes. I have alot going on right now, and even though this thing isn't stopping me, it is annoying me, and does on occasion keep me from thinking about crappier stuff in my life, which is rapidly intensifying. When my knee did this same thing it took like 6 months to get right again. I didn't injure that either. Thanks again for commenting, I always appreciate hearing from others.

 

[Cactusflower]

Don't forget that it's not always concious crappy things going on in your life that create TMS. Sure, it adds to your stress, but it's the attachments we have to thoughts about ourselves within those stessors and the emotional content which is most often subconcious, and as Sarno points out, most often anger related that create fertile ground for TMS symptoms to arise.
Ignoring the symptoms and just pushing on with pain, and not doing the emotional work doesn't always work for people.

 

[jbrooks]

@Cactusflower.

Don't forget that it's not always concious crappy things going on in your life that create TMS. Sure, it adds to your stress, but it's the attachments we have to thoughts about ourselves within those stessors and the emotional content which is most often subconcious, and as Sarno points out, most often anger related that create fertile ground for TMS symptoms to arise.
Ignoring the symptoms and just pushing on with pain, and not doing the emotional work doesn't always work for people.

@Cactusflower. You make a fantastic point and one is the well taken, and thanks so much for commenting on my post, I learn so much from everyone on here. Your absolutely right, in my case it likely is a result of the combination of 'crappy ' life stuff combined with overall parts of my subconscious mind and how these things interact. For example, I know, even though my divorce was 2 years ago, the effect that it has had on me is likely just as strong now as it was then, though it generally no longer lives in the front of my thoughts. Also the way it now informs how I now feel about myself, the way I view myself. This is just one example, but you are so right to bring this up because I often find myself wondering why I have decided something is TMS, journaled and done all the things, and it still does not go away. As you suggest, half of the discussion is happening within my subconscious mind, which is why I often find that pain will increase during my sleeping hours, a time when my defenses are down and I cannot keep things in check. My subconscious mind is free to run wild (!) and TMS rears up to "protect" me in this vulnerable state. Someday I will master this, I'm just not ready to yet.

 

[Cactusflower]

@jbrooks
I think you absolutely are ready for it. You have a keen awareness when you turn your mind towards it, and you are a very strong person - make no doubt about that! You've dealt with TMS for awhile, various symptoms, proving your strength. When you write "My subconscious mind is free to run wild (!) and TMS rears up to "protect" me in this vulnerable state. Someday I will master this, I'm just not ready to yet." I read some victimization there. Trust me, you are learning to master this right now. You are ready, you are doing the work! It just takes time, rewiring the neural circuits and also re wiring what may be many of the basic beliefs (untrue beliefs) about yourself can take some people a bit of time.
Have you looked into either IFS or EMDR therapy - the IFS Internal Family Systems - is something you can read about and begin incorporating into your journaling and self discovery. Things you said above, make me think that IFS will really resonate with you because it's parts work.

 

[JanAtheCPA]

Someday I will master this, I'm just not ready to yet.

I'm with @Cactusflower @jbrooks! This last statement lands with a thud, overriding the value of anything else you previously said. And indeed, it smacks of victimhood. To be brutally honest, this is some classic TMS-brain BS - and damn, you fell for it!

I was immediately reminded of the first Agreement from the powerful little book The Four Agreements. The first one is "Be impeccable with your word".

It's worth looking up The Four Agreements. There are tons of references and recaps, even posters, on the web. I think I'll write a post about it

Being impeccable with your word requires, among other things, not speaking "against yourself".

Being impeccable with your word ultimately requires mindfulness.