Should I continue programme or not?

Hi everyone,

This is going to sound strange but I'm sure you've all heard stranger things before...so here goes.

I don't know if I can continue this programme or not. Since starting, I've felt hopeful and enthusiastic. I always take everything too far, I think, just like a typical TMSer, and I think that I'm very impressionable. I would have made a terrible medical student because I would have been that person who always gets the illness we're studying.
What am I trying to say? Well, I posted that I had a UTI and a tootache this weekend. I feel that they were not TMS but I am terrified that they are. I have nerve pain which is excruciating at its worst but that pain was not as bad as the toothache pain and I am scared that the toothache is TMS and it will come back and I won't be able to stop it like I'm not able to stop my pelvic pain right now.

I just feel like my brain is sabotaging me and is going to hurt me more and more to stop me from doing the TMS work and I just cannot handle that. I sound like a coward but I don't want more pain, especially if it's worse than what I already have.

Has anyone else found this and what did you do? Did you push through? Did you give up and then come back? I know that there's the whole symptom imperative and symptom explosion manifestation but how do you keep powering through with the fear of new pain being held over your head?

I don't want someone to just say "there, there, it'll get worse and then it'll get better" because they know that's what they're supposed to say. I would like someone who's actually had their pain get worse and worse and change into other terrifying pains that had them sobbing on the floor and asking themselves if they're going mad to tell me what they did about it.
Thank you.

 

Hello Lou

It doesn't sound strange at all and yes, I have been there - in so much pain I thought I was going mad (plenty of times). And pain that has moved about, seemingly multiplied, given me other horrible and frightening sensations. So yes, I totally empathise.

It sounds like (from this, and your other posts) that you have got really really stressed and scared and anxious about your pain, trying to figure out what it is, trying to figure out what to do about it. I've been there too. It's totally normal and natural. Pain is scary. Our minds want to figure it out, to find out how to get rid of it. Then we get scared that the pain is going to go on forever, going to get worse. We worry and worry and worry.
But here's the thing, it's the stress and anxiety that is causing the pain to escalate. When we get into a loop of that much pain and that much fear, it's impossible to think straight. You can't think your way out of this. Your brain is all haywire (it won't stay that way!) So stop trying to think your way out of pain.

In my experience, in this situation, the best thing you can do is anything to soothe yourself and your nervous system. I promise you if you can just trust and do that, the pain will ease, regardless of whether it's TMS or not. That doesn't matter right now. If you have a painful infection, fear and anxiety are going to make the pain much worse. If it is TMS, fear and anxiety are going to make the pain much worse.

What can you do to help yourself calm down?

Some of the things that have helped me might help give you some ideas, but it has to be something that works for you:
• Slow deep breathing
• Telling myself I am ok, that this has happened before and it passes, that I fully acknowledge that I feel like I'm going mad, but I know that I am not. It will pass.
• Going into a restorative yoga pose that feels comforting
• Sitting on the sofa cuddling a hot water bottle
• The Curable app has a 'panic button' for if you are in pain and don't know what to do. It guides you through a really simple breathing exercise, and talks you through making a note of things that have been stressing you today and that might be contributing to the pain. I have found this brilliantly helpful in some of my "I'm going mad" situations. It's available with the free app so you don't have to subscribe.
• The Claire Weeks books/audio can be very comforting

Try something.

Don't try to figure out if you can continue with the programme at the moment. Focus on soothing yourself. I promise you, your head will clear and you'll have a better perspective on it and know what to do soon enough.

Sending you love.
Rainstorm

 

I second this.

(I would say more, but I have not faced as intense of a SI, Lou, so I don't want to overstep.)

 

Yes, I think Rainstorm gave a really good advice! From experience I know that also pain from an infection can take time to subside. Give yourself and your nervous system some rest! And then look again. Doubt, relapse, panic ...all this is part of TMS. You will learn to deal with it. I promise! Read success stories, that helps me sometimes!

 

Thank you Rainstorm, FreeofFear and Time2be for your answers.
I received the lab results for the UTI today and it was an E-Coli infection. So, that's good to know. I phoned the dentist back today because my gun is hurting and is a little red and swollen and she pointed out that I've been taking only a third of the dose of antibiotics prescribed...pffff.

I have calmed down quite a bit since yesterday. I had the beginnings of a panic attack that I managed to stop with some mindfulness meditation and I had a long chat with a good friend who helped me to see that even though my fear is logical from my point of view, I have two doctors confirming two different infections and that's just bad luck.

I've made an appointment with a therapist because I would like to have a chat about my fears and think it would be a good idea to speak to someone professional.

I'll keep you all updated, but right now I need some time to breathe and destress after which I'll come back and give it another try.

 

That's great Lou (well obviously not great you have infections, but hey...) But glad to hear you've managed to calm down and have a supportive friend to turn to. Your plan sounds good, and actually, learning to stop and de-stress is an important part of this journey, so it's not even a matter of starting over - it's all grist for the mill.

Wishing you well.
Rainstorm