My father ridiculed me when I asked for anything, be it a toy, a gift or a good education. That has left me with a feeling of guilt and shame for everything that I earned in later life. I feel shameful that I got a good education even though I did not deserve it. I feel that I am too dirty to live in the nice apartment that I have. I feel that I am too poor to take vacations. I almost feel the need to apologize for everything I have earned, be it my apartment, my car, my holidays. I feel that all good things happened by chance or by good luck. That I was never good enough to earn them. And I constantly feel that I am not good enough to enjoy these things. I feel ashamed all the time.