Dr. Zafirides Setting Limits: Why You Can't Say NO... and How To Fix It

[Peter Zafirides]

Hi Everyone,

This week on the podcast, I discussed the topic of Setting Limits.

http://www.thehealthymind.com/2013/03/13/setting-limits-why-you-cant-say-no-and-how-to-fix-it/

Because of our "goodist" personalities, we may find it very hard to set limits. It may be quite difficult to say "NO". The result? Anger, anxiety, depression and physical pain of PPD/TMS.

I draw from my TMS experience to discuss some of the deeper psychology behind these tendencies. I also provide some tips on how you can feel more comfortable and confident in respecting your limits.

I truly hope you find this podcast episode helpful.

Kindly,
Dr. Z

 

[Stella]

Thanks for your suggestions on saying NO particularly related to aging parents.

 

[njoy]

Wow, the presentation seemed condescending and inauthentic to me. The material is probably great for beginners and the mind/body news was interesting but why the perceived need for hyperbole? We aren't two years old.

 

[Peter Zafirides]

njoy,

I am sorry for your experience of the podcast.

I couldn't be more sincere in how I feel about the strength and resilience we all possess. I have seen it countless times in those I have had the privilege to treat with PPD/TMS.

I really do appreciate your feedback, though. I want my podcasts to be the best they possibly can be. All listener feedback - especially the negative - is so helpful to me. Please let me know what you perceived as hyperbole. I am always learning and your feedback is invaluable to me!

Please don't let my podcast color your experience of this forum, though. Everyone's heart is in the right place here

Kindly,
Dr. Z

 

[Stella]

Hi njoy,
Your comments were very interesting to me. I have gone over in my head a number of times of what I want to say. Since I do an excellent job of repressing healthy emotion/anger it is difficult for me to say anything.

I think what Dr. Z is doing is awesome and have referred his internet site to many others to help start opening their minds to the Mind/Body connection. I have found a number of his articles and interviews very helpful. Others have given positive comments too.

I found your comments very hurtful and naive.

 

[Barbara M]

Dr. Z

I listen to your podcasts and love them.

Thank u for trying to help !

Barbara

 

[JanAtheCPA]

It was thanks to Dr. Zafirides' explanation of the concepts of Existential Psychotherapy that I was able to survive two devastating losses that occurred last summer within two weeks of each other. (http://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/the-role-of-existential-anxiety-in-tms-pain.228/) Although the ongoing fallout has been challenging for my TMS symptoms, I was able to avoid slipping into despair, which was a very big deal for me.

If Dr. Z hadn't taken the time to keep us posted with his podcasts, I would never have known about it. I really appreciate his care and generosity of time.

But hey - to each his/her own! As we remind people here every day - everyone is different.

Jan

 

[Peter Zafirides]

Jan - I am so happy to know the existential themes I talked about helped you through a difficult time. That said, YOUR STRENGTH got you through that difficult time. You did that. YOU have that power. Never, ever doubt that strength.

Thanks to the rest of you as well for the kind comments. I sincerely appreciate them. We are all here trying to help each other out. I appreciate the support, but I also appreciate the criticism as well. I am always trying to learn and grow, so even the negative comments help me to refine my message.

Everyone is different - a great motto!!

Kindly,
Dr. Z

 

[spiralgirl1]

Hi.. just felt I had to make comment..
Dr Zafirides' I too have really appreciated your input and supportive comment on this forum. They are sometimes a new way of thinking for me and at othertimes a good 'reminder' ..
I have done an awful lot of 'study' re TMS / general personal growth over the years and am certainly no beginner but for me it is all to easy to get caught up in anxiety / the negative and an insightful
reminder can really help me focus.. being able to say no to others needs/ demands is a huge one for me ..

Out of interest , just one thing I will say which is purely personal.. and really of no importance at all.. as a Brit I do find the American style of presentation so different to how us rather more low key Brits tend to present things. This can be off putting sometimes and I have some USA meditation tapes etc which I find really hard to listen too.. but Dr Z I love your enthusiasm and what I perceive to be a genuine approach... keep up your helpful work!!! And as you so rightly say 'everyone is different' which is what makes life and the world such a complex, fascinating ride..

 

[gailnyc]

I have to admit I had the same reaction as njoy when I listened to it. Not my cup of tea at all.

I wasn't going to say anything but I don't want njoy to think she's the only one who felt that way.

However, there are obviously people for whom Dr. Z's podcasts resonate (and actually I did find the information interesting, just the presentation off-putting). To each his own.

 

[Peter Zafirides]

Gail,

This forum - and the PPD/TMS approach - encourages the expression of feelings. Part of the problem with PPD/TMS is that we feel we can't express our feelings - even though we may feel a certain way - because we "don't want to cause a problem" or "that wouldn't be nice" or "that might hurt someone's feelings".

But in holding back our feelings, our anger builds and the pain of PPD/TMS flares.

Thanks to all of you for your comments and - most importantly - for feeling comfortable to express yourselves.

Never doubt your strength!

Kindly,
Dr. Z

 

[Dear Lianne]

Dr. Z,

Amazing delivery you have - were you trained in broadcasting? My mom worked in the field for many years - news radio - and I just know that you have some experience. I expect to see you talking on Oprah or Dr. Oz or somewhere like that. Do you go on radio stations and talk about TMS back pain and other topics?

A Dr. like you could really get the word out about the true causes of back pain. Your impact could be amazing!!!

Love the oxygen mask metaphor - my husband and I care for my mentally challenged sister in law and believe me, the need for our taking an in-breath of oxygen first is critical if we are to be able to handle her care.

It's a lonely journey for siblings of a mentally disabled adult. Frankly, there are very few resources out there for how to cope. The oxygen mask is not offered.

Frankly, if it weren't for Dr. Sarno's book, Healing Back Pain, I would be disabled and my husband would be taking care of two. It is by the grace of God that I found his book when I did, and that I've accepted the truth about my TMS being caused by repressed emotions. Had I not found his life's work, no doubt I would be doing the Dr. appointments and other treatments to no avail. I am so very grateful for his knowledge and my newfound strength. You are right - we are all powerful beings.

So, Dr. Z - will you go onto a radio station that has hundreds of thousands of listeners each morning? I will write to my mom's friends who broadcast out of Hartford, Connecticut. I mean it! Let me know. And if you do broadcast, perhaps a few persons from this wiki site could join to tell their story with you.

Thanks for your good work.