setback, feels like betrayal!

I am feeling stunned that my brain "got me!" However, I have had a couple of busy weeks, with added stress, and I knew I needed to do more tms work.. I was falling further behind and knew it.

Two weeks ago I found out from my mom's sister that my mom has breast cancer. She should be fine, but still. That stirred up alot because my parents and I are estranged. Then my cousin-in-law's grandma died unexpectedly; I loved her grandma. She was the first grandchild and very close to her. This mirrored my relationship with my grandma, who died 4 yrs ago. We also had some good news though. Our daughter's boyfriend asked our blessing to ask her to marry him. We really like him and are happy about it. Still, weddings are stressful!

Anyway, I was having difficulty with a drawer yesterday when rage flared and I pulled it out, kicked it and its contents everywhere! Then I "made myself stop" sat on the floor and calmed down. My husband started picking up, and I said something about finally blowing etc. When I stood up my back was "out"!!!!! I knew I needed to be thinking psychological, but I wasn't doing it. So, I feel betrayed, but like a neglected spouse, my brain had warned me to pay more attention.

I don't know what I am asking for, just support and concern I guess. Thank you all!

 

That's a lot of stress in just two weeks. It's too easy to gloss over the rage you have in response to all those buttons being pushed.

You're on the right track. You recognize the rage. Take time to listen to your inner child and do something to nourish yourself.

 

Awww David thank you! Your kindness brings tears to my eyes. You're so right, I wish I had been expressing the rage in a more condo friendly way! In getting my actions in control, I lost touch with the feelings.

I am mad at my mom, she picked a crappy man to have kids with, then she went and got sick on me!!! Damn it!!!! They made it so bad my daughter said even if they made up with those estranged she would not invite them to the wedding. My dad is to unpredictable. I am relieved at the relationship being severed, but angry it is neccessary. For some odd reason I don't get emotional when journaling, but writing about my parents on the forum allows the emotions. Maybe I need to post more often about my stuff. Or maybe I do need therapy. Something about it being acknowledged by people, not paper and ink....

Thanks again,
Lizzy

 

I know how you feel about your father. Mine was wonderful but when he died when I was 21 and he was only 52, Mom quickly married
one of his brothers who was certifiable. Every his sisters and brothers warned my mother not to marry him, but she always needed a man and he had always wanted her. I won't go into how miserable he made me and my sister, and he did not do my Mom's health any good, but she kept him.

Anyway, I journaled about him and felt the pain he had caused me and my sister and then went on from there. We can't do much if anything about the parents or siblings we have. I'm no sure it would have helped me or still would if I talked about my stepfather with others. It would be exposing them to my old griefs. Better to save friends for pleasant things. Enjoy the people you love and close the book on the others.

 

Thanks Walt, you always make me feel better! I am glad I do have friends and family who love and support me, not everyone is so blessed. You and others here are so important in that too, thanks!
Lizzy