serious stress/anger lately

Hey yall, i've been away for a while mostly because i was feeling better than normal, but here i am, back in a flare. I blame the last few months of sick/dying pets, car issues, fears about my job, etc. with my problem tolerating stress lately. Stress sucks for everybody but something has been happening recently. If something is stressing me out, i start to feel this tightness and shakiness inside that feels like rage and i just want to start yelling and freaking out. The issue itself might not even be that bad but itt's like my tolerance for stress went wayyy down. An example, my cat is old had having some medical/behavior issues as a result. The other day i yelled at her, something like "useless piece of crap, things will be easier when you die". I LOVE this cat, she's been like a therapy animal to me. I think i'm just fearing the inevitable downward spiral and feeling so hopeless. My dog just died, and i found myself displaying anger towards her because i was stuck all alone being a nurse to a big disabled dog. I hate feeling this rotten inside. I know "feeling" emotions is supposed to be a good thing, but i dont think this is quite what's happening. It's been a helpless time for me the last few months and i'm growing to resent everything and everybody. Oddly enough, my pain has been spiking up, but also very low for stretches of time during all this.

 

Times like this are tough. I'm sorry for what you are going though. From my own experience it's easy to accept the circle of life and death in theory and from a spiritual perspective but actually confronting it and the feelings generated in a painful, messy process of decline, human or animal, is something else and touches the very core of us and, yes, all kinds of scary, "unacceptable" feelings can surface. I'd be willing to bet, though I can't prove it of course, that both your dog and your cat still sense and sensed your love and care in spite of your outbursts. Plus you have job issues, which touch on financial insecurity and career fulfilment, and problems with your car. A lot on your plate.

I don't have any easy answers except to say that I'm very glad to see you here again and sharing. As a fellow TMSer, one of whose symptoms is pelvic pain, I've followed and identified with much of your healing story over the years. Just breathe, go easy on yourself and accept the ups and downs of your emotions as best you can, and try and find small moments of reassurance, relaxation and joy where they present themselves. Know that this will pass and a new chapter will open.

xx