Day 25 SEP Update

Hi,

Today's program work asked to write a post indicating how it's been going, and what apprehensions I still have. This past week was good, but challenging. Fear of pain when walking is my biggest obstacle, but this week I walked 3+ miles everyday in spite of the pain. Each time was different, but it was good, I'm getting better at changing my perspective toward it, like A.Gordon talks about - not carrying about the quality of the walk, just that I did it. And things do seem to be improving, but I have noticed my mind really putting up resistance to letting go of the tactic, but I'm just taking it one day at a time, and also trying not to take it too seriously.... in the beginning of this relapse I was so disappointed that I was really obsessing about doing a ton of TMS work, but I feel I've since calmed down a bit and accepted that this is where I'm at, for now, nothing is permanent, and this is a great opportunity to work on myself (more).

My biggest apprehension now is fear that it'll come back again, down the road. But I keep telling myself that future tripping is just feeding the fear, so I try to keep it in the day.

Thanks for reading.

Kevin

 

Hi, Kevin. You are doing wonderfully. Walking for miles and not letting pain stop you. That's terrific. I hope you practice deep breathing while you walk and maybe say your favorite positive mantra. Mine is: "I am not in pain and the best is yet to come!"

As for TMS reading and understanding being a workload, I don't do that much of it. I keep it simple and just think that believing 100 percent in TMS emotions or our personality causing the pain is enough to heal. If you keep positive, then fearing a relapse or pain down the line won't be your companion. Your companion in good health is your mind and the spirit and determination within you.

Nothing is permanent except a dog's love, and God's.

 

.... And a cat's love Walt!!!!

 

Oh, for sure. I love cats too but am allergic to them or I would have one.
I love how they stalk!

 

Today is my day#25, I've been reading Dr. Sarnos book's for about 9 months now but at first I had reservations since my pain was so severe in the beginning. I decided that I need to do more than just reading, I started the SEP a few weeks ago to really follow the treatment. I've learned a lot and I enjoy reading success stories (and your comments). I am no longer afraid or anxious about my pain, as KevinB mentioned, I am also afraid of walking, usually, my pain comes back if I walk more than one hour, I get tired, heaviness and low back pain. I have learned to repeat daily reminders, talk to my brain, affirmations and stop being anxious. However, I know the pain will last several days afterwards. The pain has definitely decreased for the past few weeks but it comes back right away at walking. I know there is nothing structural wrong with me, therefore, I keep going. My only fear that is still lingering in the back of my mind is whether I am ever going to get better, I was ready to become pregnant with my second child right before the pain started and now I've been in pain with health issues and panic attacks for the past year, doctors have told me to wait until I am fully recover to get pregnant. This fear of never being able to be a mother again breaks my heart, specially as I am getting older. I try to forget, remain positive but it is very sad to be in this situation. Hopefully one day I will be pain-free. I walked 6,000 steps on Sunday (over 3 hours), I bullied through the pain towards the end but I did not allow the pain to control me. I am trying to think psychological at all times and not physical. Hoping to break through conditioning...