KevinB
Well known member
Hello TMS community,
Man, this shit has been intense, especially the journalling. I feel exhausted after I write... the emotions that surface really just take it out of me, but I can clearly see they need to be felt. Some of this shit has been so deep, I've decided to get some therapy. I couldn't find a TMS therapist who accepts my insurance, but I found a general one. I think just being able to talk to a professional about these deep/old emotions will be helpful. Whether or not this therapist knows of and/or believes in TMS is irrelevant to me at this point. I'm working toward being 100% convinced of my TMS....but it really is taking some time to sink in. I've noticed my mind trying for other distractions. I awoke with a pretty nasty neck kink the other day. But I just went through the day, trying to ignore it, and it went away. All the readings have helped tremendously. Doubts still creep in from time to time, like sometimes I'll obsess that I'll find "the exception", that my case will be it, i.e., it'll be structural. But I know that to be my fear - the symptoms I have aren't even logical with respect to any sort of structural issue. But because it still hurts when I walk, my brain goes there. I'm still having a hard time making any future plans that entail walking, fear pops up. But I'm just doing the work daily, trying to keep it in the day, NOT focus on the pain and what I can't do, and go about my daily plans as if I were 100% healthy. I've been lifting weights in the gym and that always feels great. I find that I walk out of the gym confident and typically with less pain, proof right there that this is not structural. If it were, lifting heavy weights as I am would cause MORE pain, not less - that is a fact.
So I have some deep shit to work through, I guess this pain was the motivation I needed to address some things. I feel like I've known for several years that certain personal things from my past would need addressing, but I guess I thought I could do it on my own, or that they'd eventually just disappear... neither has not been the case. I'm saying screw you to my pride and I'm going to get some professional therapy, while continuing my program here.
Last thing I'll ad is that it's been frustrating talking about this to basically anyone, so I feel I simply don't even want to bring it up because people are ignorant of this, most at least, and they do their best to shoot it down and offer their advice, which always falls in with canonical medical approaches to back pain. What have other members done in these situations? I really don't want to engage in lengthy arguments with people, or try to convince them of TMS. I mean, I'd love to spread the message, but I feel like at this point, early on with this program and still recovering, it may be best to just keep it to myself? The few times I have engaged in conversation on it, I've generally walked away feeling discouraged.... hearing things like "oh yea, I tried Sarno, or know someone who has, it didn't work", or "that sounds like a bunch of garbage, you need to try these stretches...", y'all get the point-- I'm sure you've heard it before. Thoughts?
Thanks for reading-
Kev
Man, this shit has been intense, especially the journalling. I feel exhausted after I write... the emotions that surface really just take it out of me, but I can clearly see they need to be felt. Some of this shit has been so deep, I've decided to get some therapy. I couldn't find a TMS therapist who accepts my insurance, but I found a general one. I think just being able to talk to a professional about these deep/old emotions will be helpful. Whether or not this therapist knows of and/or believes in TMS is irrelevant to me at this point. I'm working toward being 100% convinced of my TMS....but it really is taking some time to sink in. I've noticed my mind trying for other distractions. I awoke with a pretty nasty neck kink the other day. But I just went through the day, trying to ignore it, and it went away. All the readings have helped tremendously. Doubts still creep in from time to time, like sometimes I'll obsess that I'll find "the exception", that my case will be it, i.e., it'll be structural. But I know that to be my fear - the symptoms I have aren't even logical with respect to any sort of structural issue. But because it still hurts when I walk, my brain goes there. I'm still having a hard time making any future plans that entail walking, fear pops up. But I'm just doing the work daily, trying to keep it in the day, NOT focus on the pain and what I can't do, and go about my daily plans as if I were 100% healthy. I've been lifting weights in the gym and that always feels great. I find that I walk out of the gym confident and typically with less pain, proof right there that this is not structural. If it were, lifting heavy weights as I am would cause MORE pain, not less - that is a fact.
So I have some deep shit to work through, I guess this pain was the motivation I needed to address some things. I feel like I've known for several years that certain personal things from my past would need addressing, but I guess I thought I could do it on my own, or that they'd eventually just disappear... neither has not been the case. I'm saying screw you to my pride and I'm going to get some professional therapy, while continuing my program here.
Last thing I'll ad is that it's been frustrating talking about this to basically anyone, so I feel I simply don't even want to bring it up because people are ignorant of this, most at least, and they do their best to shoot it down and offer their advice, which always falls in with canonical medical approaches to back pain. What have other members done in these situations? I really don't want to engage in lengthy arguments with people, or try to convince them of TMS. I mean, I'd love to spread the message, but I feel like at this point, early on with this program and still recovering, it may be best to just keep it to myself? The few times I have engaged in conversation on it, I've generally walked away feeling discouraged.... hearing things like "oh yea, I tried Sarno, or know someone who has, it didn't work", or "that sounds like a bunch of garbage, you need to try these stretches...", y'all get the point-- I'm sure you've heard it before. Thoughts?
Thanks for reading-
Kev
