Day 42 SEP Finished

[KevinB]

So today I finish the SEP. I'm happy to have finished it, but a bit discouraged because I'm still having pain, mostly when walking/standing... but it has certainly improved and I'm trying my hardest to just let go of results (outcome independence). I've been reading Steve O.'s book, and it's pretty good, but I'm finding it a bit hard to believe, or perhaps embellished... that could just be my ego on the defense though.

I've found myself a bit more resistant to TMS in general this second time. The first time, it was all new and I was so desperate for relief, I think that helped me to get better. But this time, because I had a relapse, I've been wondering if the first time wasn't something more like a placebo?? But I do believe that this approach has worked for many many people, so that helps me to believe that it can and does work. I think I've just been having too many expectations, which I've read is a common hinderance with relapse.

The other "issue" I've been having is how our minds and TMS are spoken about in a sort of nemesis type manner. That is, in a lot of the literature one often finds descriptions of our minds as "sneaky" and "desperate to keep TMS going at any cost"... this just seems strange to me. Why would our own minds function as our own worse enemies? I understand the notion that the pain is to keep us distracted from unacceptable emotions, but this idea that it will fight until the end to keep the pain, and look for clever ways to distract us, etc., I don't know, it just seems a bit strange to me.... why would my own mind cause this?

Anyhow, just some thoughts I wanted to put out there as I'm finishing up the program. I aim to keep working on myself - there are still several topics on my journal list that I didn't write on during the program, so I plan on finishing those. Other than that, I'm just going to get to living my life. Thanks for all the help and any further thoughts y'all might have on my doubts.

Kev

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

Hi, Kevin. It's good to know you finished the SEP the second time and that it has helped, even just a little. I think you still have to work on believing in the TMS philosophy, that repressed emotions or our personality causes the pain we have. It really does take 100 percent belief in TMS. I found that out myself.

Maybe it will help if you spend a little time each day going through Dr. Sarno's 12 Daily Reminders. I especially like Herbie's longer version of them.

I will post them now, after saying it would be great if you kept posting whenever you want to.

Herbie’s Extended Version of Dr. Sarno’s 12 DAILY REMINDERS

1. The pain is due to TMS. This is real pain or anxiety but it is caused by subconscious tensions and triggers, stressors and traits to your reactions and fears and also when at boiling point your conscious tension can and does also cause real pain.
2. The main reason for the pain is mild oxygen deprivation. This means that when you get in pain or anxiety then the blood is restricted from going to your lower back, for instance. The blood being restricted causes oxygen deprivation which causes the pain. Remember, where there is no oxygen then there is pain in the body. Also, the pain stays because of fear.
3. TMS is a harmless condition caused by my REPRESSED EMOTIONS so even though you think you can harm yourself from the years of pain you have felt and how you feel in general -- so far no reports have been heard from TMS healing knowledge causing damage to anyone, it only helps.
4. The principle emotion is your repressed ANGER -- this means under your consciousness lies something that happens automatically to everyone. TMSers have repressions that are stored because of our personality traits, traumas, stressors, fears, strain, etc... When these stored repressions build and build, then eventually they cause the brain to send pain into your body to keep you from having an emotional crises. The mind-body thinks it is helping you.
5. TMS exists to DISTRACT your attentions from the emotions, stressors, tensions and strains of your personality traits because if you can get distraction then you won’t have to be in emotional turmoil. When you don't face and feel your emotions and they get repressed because you didn't want to deal with something -- they are just adding up in this beaker, ready to pour over and create real pain and anxiety in your body.
6. Since my body is perfectly normal, there is nothing to fear. So in reality when I fear the pain or anxiety I just cause myself undo strain and tension adding to the beaker of pain. If I fear, then I feed the pain, If I fear, it’s impossible to recondition. Fear keeps the pain and anxiety alive in the body through focus.
7. Therefore, physical activity is harmless. If I want to work against the pain I could but it’s better to lose some of the pain so when I start my life over I have to be in pain trying to heal because facing the repressions and all the other activities that cause the pain and reversing my fear and focus to them, then I can heal.
8. I am resuming all normal physical activity. I don't fear moving anymore. I believe in my body’s ability to heal now. I can move as I want. I will not fear moving with a bent back anymore. I will also practice going out and acting normal again, not in fear of what pain might do to me.
9. The pain is unimportant and powerless. Its only power is how it is hidden -- its illusion, its fear.
10. I will keep my attention on the emotional issues. I will think about my emotions and feel my emotions throughout the day. I will not judge, criticize or fear my emotions. I will not run from my emotional issues but face every one of them. I will feel my emotions fully and cry if I need to. Then I will release the emotion and get my mind and thoughts back to my life and living in the present.
11. I am in control of all of this. This is how I recover.
12. I will be thinking PSYCHOLOGICALLY AT ALL TIMES. This means I will keep my thoughts on psychological issues like happiness, fear and anger -- traits and triggers, conditioning and journaling -- The science behind mind-body/TMS healing, etc.... This way I will not feed my thoughts to the body -- that is a trick of TMS. TMS will always try to get me to focus on the body caused by the pain until I break its show and flair. When I get my attention off physical symptoms and on to emotional issues and psychological issues then I will not feed the fear of the physical issues anymore, thus making the TMS of no pain effect on the body. This will in return, give us the cure and become pain-free.

 

[Andy Bayliss]

Why would our own minds function as our own worse enemies? I understand the notion that the pain is to keep us distracted from unacceptable emotions, but this idea that it will fight until the end to keep the pain, and look for clever ways to distract us, etc., I don't know, it just seems a bit strange to me.... why would my own mind cause this?

Hi Kevin,

I think this above is interesting. It makes me think that there is something in the work that raises issues of "good and bad" or "black and white" with you. Or the question, Why would I turn against myself? I can relate to these thoughts because I hold the psyche as essentially a good thing, and I want to embrace and integrate all of my inner life.

One way to hold this information is that the mind-body is so determined to keep us safe, and the group safe, that "out of control Rage" or "suicidal Sadness" is avoided at all costs. Or put more mildly, that the feelings inside hurt so much, that there is a "compassionate function" that keeps us from such feelings. In a sense the whole theory posits a very protective system, made to keep us "safe." Possibly a little primitive, but protective.

Primitive also in the sense that, in my experience these deep feelings can be felt and explored over time, and they don't actually threaten anything. They do threaten "who we take ourselves to be." For the primitive developing ego, the sense of self is held onto as important to our survival. And it is, because it is what helps us function in the world. But there is a primitive, machine-like clinging to the familiar, the safe, the known. This is partly why the TMS process hangs on with such determination.

Andy B.

 

[KevinB]

One way to hold this information is that the mind-body is so determined to keep us safe, and the group safe, that "out of control Rage" or "suicidal Sadness" is avoided at all costs.

Hi Andy, thanks for your thoughts. This part caught my eye because for me, paradoxically maybe, when I'm suffering from the pain is when I tend to feel the most suicidal and angry.... there have been days where I simply do not want to deal with it, and suicide has certainly crossed my mind, and I've also become VERY angry - at the pain, at myself, at people around me. I think for the anger, much of it is from being grumpy due to being in pain.

Anyhow, not sure I need to figure any of this stuff out. When I do the work and take suggestions, I improve - that's a fact.