Day 9 Self-love

[HealingMe]

Have you been overly critical of yourself lately? How and why have you done this? You can find a review on recognizing destructive behaviors, such as self-criticism, here.

I can say with certainty I have been critical of myself always, and not just lately. I'm critical of how I do things, why I do things the way I do things, why I am the way I am. For example, since I've spiraled with my pain, I feel awful and not good enough for my partner because he's been so good to me/taking care of me. I feel like I don't deserve him and he deserves someone normal/better/a better life. This has been a constant thought every day for me and I can't pinpoint why. I noticed I've been apologizing to everyone for how I am, even to my mom. It comes out of me without even thinking about it, I just feel this immense guilt. Other times I feel critical of myself for not "getting" TMS, or that's taking me long to understand a concept. It feels awful.

Why have I done this? I'm not sure, I feel like it's ingrained in my core. I've always put myself down while lifted others up. I've began to notice this lately. I really want to break this habit and provide the same love to myself. I wouldn't do it to a friend, why am I doing it to myself?

 

[hecate105]

At least you are realising this now .... treat yourself how you would a friend who had problems - you wouldn't blame them and shout at them - you would be kind and loving - even advice would be given with care and thought.... Somewhere along the line you learned to put yourself down - maybe it was a parent, teacher or someone you looked up to - if you can pinpoint it - that might help you 'break' the habit.
(see another new comment - titled 'Harsh ?')
My husband treats himself that same way - now he only told me about this in recent years - I spent 22 years with fibromyalgia - he was my carer and rock - I occasionally had thoughts that he should leave me - that i was holding him back - but in reality it was a journey we both had to take. Through his support when i was ill - and him seeing me go thru the TMS work and get totally better - he started to work on himself (he did the SEP on here) he opened up to his feelings, began being honest about how he felt inside - and now he is able to ort his head out - slowly but surely...
If we had not taken the journey together - he may never of felt secure enough to do the work on himself....
So - we each have to step up and do the work - but we also need to cherish and value each other and OURSELVES as we do it!

 

[JanAtheCPA]

@hecate105, it's always so good to hear from you, and always so uplifting as well. I missed out on this aspect of your story and it's really awesome.

@HealingMe, you're doing good work, and it's important to know that this is the point in the program (quite often starting in the second week) when your brain will try all sorts of tricks to coerce you into giving up. Don't give in! You might consider printing @hecate105's response and reading it at least once a day.

Remember: you deserve to heal.

 

[HealingMe]

At least you are realising this now .... treat yourself how you would a friend who had problems - you wouldn't blame them and shout at them - you would be kind and loving - even advice would be given with care and thought.... Somewhere along the line you learned to put yourself down - maybe it was a parent, teacher or someone you looked up to - if you can pinpoint it - that might help you 'break' the habit.
(see another new comment - titled 'Harsh ?')

A great reminder. It's difficult unlearning all the years of negative thoughts and self-talk, but I am catching myself more and more everyday whenever I think or talk negatively about myself. I would never put down a friend the way I put myself down.

My husband treats himself that same way - now he only told me about this in recent years - I spent 22 years with fibromyalgia - he was my carer and rock - I occasionally had thoughts that he should leave me - that i was holding him back - but in reality it was a journey we both had to take. Through his support when i was ill - and him seeing me go thru the TMS work and get totally better - he started to work on himself (he did the SEP on here) he opened up to his feelings, began being honest about how he felt inside - and now he is able to ort his head out - slowly but surely...
If we had not taken the journey together - he may never of felt secure enough to do the work on himself....
So - we each have to step up and do the work - but we also need to cherish and value each other and OURSELVES as we do it!

I love this. "...but in reality it was a journey we both had to take". This brought tears to me eyes. You are so right... we need to cherish and value each other. I am so happy for you and your husband and how he felt secure enough to also do the work on himself.

 

[HealingMe]

@HealingMe, you're doing good work, and it's important to know that this is the point in the program (quite often starting in the second week) when your brain will try all sorts of tricks to coerce you into giving up. Don't give in! You might consider printing @hecate105's response and reading it at least once a day.

Remember: you deserve to heal.

Since starting the work, and learning about TMS, my brain has definitely been fighting me... "what if it's not" "but your symptoms line up with this condition" etc. Sometimes it stops me but I am slowly working on it. The other night while going to sleep, my symptoms went down my whole leg similar to sciatica. It was like watching it in slow motion. I observed the whole thing happening. I stayed calm and ended up smiling, I found the whole thing so ridiculous. I got up, walked around to prove a point there was nothing wrong with me, and laid back down. In about 20 minutes the symptoms went away.

 

[JanAtheCPA]

I stayed calm and ended up smiling, I found the whole thing so ridiculous. I got up, walked around to prove a point there was nothing wrong with me, and laid back down. In about 20 minutes the symptoms went away.