I have gone through years of eating disorders in addition to having chronic pain. Though I have recovered from my behavior around food, I still carry so much self-hatred and deeply painful feelings of ugliness and unworthiness. I believe a lot of this is connected to my pain. I have done and continue to do therapy, but I can’t seem to forgive myself and be kind to myself and accepting of my appearance. I have intense shame. It is a deeply painful emotion, this self-hatred, and sometimes leads to thoughts of suicide. Not actually wanting to, just feeling so deeply unworthy. I had a father who judged me from the time I was 9 years old on my body and looks. He was a very abusive father at times emotionally and verbally, and I have a hard time forgiving him for doing that to me. I notice that this intense anger and shame I feel is highly directed at my body and symptoms and the pain, making me think I have the anger because I have pain, but maybe it’s the other way around? Id love others thoughts and experiences with these strong emotions.