1. Alan has completed the new Pain Recovery Program. To read or share it, use this link: http://go.tmswiki.org/newprogram
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Self acceptance

Discussion in 'General Discussion Subforum' started by veronica73, Mar 6, 2013.

  1. veronica73

    veronica73 Well known member

    plum, eric watson and JanAtheCPA like this.
  2. G.R.

    G.R. Well known member

    Veronica,
    It looks great!! I am going to watch these videos.

    I think the difficult thing is when people do not accept us- co-workers, siblings, parents, children, friends....
    That is why is so important to acceptant oneself because there will always be someone who may not accept us. Right?

    Thanks so much for posting that.
    G.R.
     
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  3. JanAtheCPA

    JanAtheCPA Beloved Grand Eagle

    Okay, V, I signed up - I will find the time, even during tax season. I hope (my forum time might suffer...)
     
  4. veronica73

    veronica73 Well known member

    I just watched the first video last night (Dr. Kristin Neff) and it was great.
     
  5. Layne

    Layne Well known member

    Oh man Brene Brown and Tara Brach are speaking?! I'm in!
     
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  6. Layne

    Layne Well known member

    Who has been listening?! They are SO GOOD! This one especially! It talks about our different "parts", like our inner critics and how we (the Self) can accept them, even if they don't accept us. Amazing.
     
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  7. JanAtheCPA

    JanAtheCPA Beloved Grand Eagle

    I've been listening and recommending this series to everyone I come across - and I agree, Layne - this one is really really good - I have to listen again to get it down better. Haven't got to #6 yet. 1,2,4 & 5 so far have been excellent (#3 didn't do anything for me).

    Jan
     
  8. yb44

    yb44 Beloved Grand Eagle

    I have been attempting to listen to these when I have a spare half hour. I really liked the first two so much that I want to listen to them again and make some notes. I was busy doing something else at the time and could only listen. One of the things I recall from the Neff interview is when she talked about positive motivation vs negative motivation. It made me realise that most of the things I have achieved have been done through negative motivation. I had the type of parents who didn't praise but when I got something wrong, they sure let me know about it. My grades were pretty poor in junior high. I got told off, shouted at, threatened. I didn't want to have to face that repeatedly so I started to do better in school. Negative motivation became a pattern. I try my best not because I want to do well but out of fear of negative consequences.

    I also liked the second interview. There were several good nuggets I want to jot down from that interview. I haven't listened to episodes 3 and 4 yet but I heard the one you mention above about internal family systems. I find IFS fascinating and have done some reading about it. Dr Jay's book is on my wish list.

    There was another thread about IFS a while back.

    http://tmswiki.org/forum/threads/instant-tms-pain-o.265/#post-1889
     
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  9. Stella

    Stella Well known member

    Wow awesome... I, too, would like to listen again.
     
  10. gailnyc

    gailnyc Well known member

    Thank you for this link! I'd never heard of Friedemann Schaub before and found him particularly interesting.
     
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  11. veronica73

    veronica73 Well known member

    These are great so far. I also feel like I want to re-listen to some of them.
     
  12. JanAtheCPA

    JanAtheCPA Beloved Grand Eagle

    I have a younger friend who hasn't been able to get herself to read the Dr. Sarno book I gave her, but she is loving these interviews, and her husband has been listening with her - how cool is that?
     
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  13. Layne

    Layne Well known member

    Has anyone listened to this weeks?! I knew Brene Brown wouldn't disappoint! Veronica - thank you so much for sharing this!
     
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  14. JanAtheCPA

    JanAtheCPA Beloved Grand Eagle

    Just listened to this one - she was excellent, and I got a LOT out of her explanation of shame vs. guilt.
     
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  15. veronica73

    veronica73 Well known member

    The Brene Brown one was AWESOME!
     
  16. Sheree

    Sheree Well known member

    Veronica - I would also like to add to the other comments. I am so glad you posted this link. I learnt so much from the Brene Brown video. I also went on to two of her talks on the Ted talks web-site if anyone is interested. Look forward to working my way through the others. Thanks again.
     
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  17. Stella

    Stella Well known member

    Wow, the #9 video on Developing Shame Resillence was awesome. I have to listen to that again.

    "Do we believe we are worthy? If love and belonging are absent. ... there is always suffering. (got that right). Shame is the fear of disconnection and unworthiness. How do I know if what I feel is shame? Guilt focuses on behavior. Shame focuses on the self. Shame is paralyzing and painful. We need to switch over to guilt. Unrealistic expectations drive shame. Shame happens in the body. We experience shame as trauma. "

    I am not sure I can recognize when I feel guilt if what I am really feeling is shame. Shame is not a word I am used to thinking about. Dr. Brown says we need to recognize shame, figure out what triggered the shame, reach out and tell the story to a person who loves us, and practice talking to ourselves differently.

    "Loving and accepting ourselves is an act of courage. She says "walk into our story, own our story.... that is the bravest thing we ever do."

    Wow, now if I can learn to tell the difference between guilt and shame. Or just realize when I feel guilt it is actually probably shame so I just need to switch my thinking to the behavioral aspects.... whewwwwee.

    Lots of work to do.
     
    veronica73 likes this.
  18. gailnyc

    gailnyc Well known member

    My sense of what she was saying was that "guilt" refers to how you feel about something you did, while "shame" refers to how you feel about yourself. When you say, "I suck," that is shame.
     
  19. Stella

    Stella Well known member

    I am still thinking about this guilt v. shame stuff. I didn't want to do something with my parents this weekend so I feel like I am a "bad daughter". I feel like I am a "bad daughter" all the time. Before I would call the feelings guilt but I now I think the feelings are shame.

    I need to now switch it to guilt. Tell myself... I am not a bad daughter. I am learning to take care of myself. I am learning to say no instead of saying yes then feeling angry and resentful. It is good for me to take care of myself. I am not a bad daughter.

    Am I getting this right? Any suggestions? It seems like I switch from feeling anger and resentment when I say yes to feeling shame when I say no. oh gee.....
     

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