Self-Absorption and TMS

[TrustIt]

the left brain (the interpreter/ego) is set up from the beginning of our lives as a problem-solution MACHINE! it will inevitably seek pleasure and avoid pain. it's its nature. in doing so, we tend to leap into negative stories (unconsciously), and by the time it takes for that leap to occur (nanosecond), emotions of insecurity and fear have already arrived and our nervous systems kick in. i believe the simplicity in this - and every "problem", for that matter - is to establish a quick mental verbal switch (awareness) that catches the story before it unwinds into a habitual narrative, and reminds us that it is indeed ONLY a story in that moment about a future we can not know. ANYTHING is always possible in the next moment, so to focus on the infinite negative possibilities is not helpful even tho the left brain thinks it is just being prudent/cautious and protecting us. waking up to our human nature is a process that takes practice, more for some than others. the main thing i am learning is patience. i have made great strides in seeing my issues come and go and prove to myself every day that i am safe, i am on the right path, i don't need to monitor my body, it does much better when i leave it alone to do it's own remarkable things. i look at every recurrence of pain and discomfort as yet another opportunity to practice awareness, rather than a back step; something that is happening FOR me rather than TO me.

 

[NNava]

I'm just wondering if self-absorption is a common trait among those with TMS. I am aware that TMS is a pain syndrome and that people in pain are generally self-absorbed but I'm wondering if this trait is more prevalent amongst TMS'ers?

From my own perspective I have noticed that since my health anxiety, pain and TMS started I have become incredibly self aware and increasingly only concerned with a very small sphere of the world...namely just myself. This was brought to life quite vividly today when I went for a coffee with a person who I've recently become friendly with. All the while we were talking I became aware that I wasn't actually really actively listening to the person and actually even felt somewhat divorced from the surroundings of the coffee shop, all I was basically doing was fixating on my body (even though my pain level was low today) and was thinking about how I was feeling in relation to my body.

I'm obviously aware that this way of living is not natural and certainly cannot be healthy. It's a hard to thing to explain really...it is like just not feeling engaged with the world and just wanting to make yourself and your influence as small as possible almost to the point that your whole life become internalised.

I think this sort of all ties in with the fact that I have very much fallen into that chronic pain trap of almost like putting your life on hold until that golden 'pain free' day arrives and all is well with the world again. I'm pretty sure I have enough smarts to realise that actually living as if I was pain free in this moment would no doubt bring forward that pain free day but for whatever reason I still remain stuck in that trap.

In many ways it almost feels like I have lost confidence in my ability to interact correctly with the world again and therefore I blame this on the pain...I have no idea if this is a classic secondary gain type thing. I am aware that the time has come to man the you know what up and reengage with my life as I am well aware my current mental and lifestyle stagnation is not good for me, my wife or my young son but the realisation of this just seems to cause underlying anxiety.

Anyway, apologies if I've gone off on random tangents...any thoughts or opinions from others who may feel the same way would be greatly appreciated.

Hi Huckleberry! I know this post is quite old but I came across it yesterday and even had to come back to it again today. I screenshot your words so I can read it again to remind myself that I am not alone. What is so amazing to me is my husband and I took our dogs for a walk and we're having one of those really good deep talks. I couldn't quite put into words how I feel so I used the analogy of jump roping with friends as a child. You know the game where two people hold the rope and you have to time it to jump in and continue holding the right pace. I feel like I've been anticipating the moment to jump in for years and now I've built that moment up so much I've just froze and feel like I will forever be waiting to jump into the moving wheel of life. What was so warming to me was I happened to stumble across your post the same night. To know that so many people feel the way I feel helps me to not feel unique if that makes sense. You took how I feel and put it into words so beautifully. "That golden moment." You nailed it! Thank you for your post and for sharing your humanity. You gave this human a really refreshing deep breath last night by making her not feel so alone.