Over 10 years ago, I was struggling with debilitating upper back pain. It started as a knot that wouldn't quit for a few years. I tried PT, injections, muscle relaxants, NSAIDs, massage. Then it escalated into a whole back issue. At its apex in 2008, I had "thrown my back out" and collapsed in a heap at Grand Central Station. My mother had to come get me. A friend told me about Sarno's book and after reading the entire thing (and finding myself in its pages), I gradually began to be freed of pain. After only 2 weeks, I was 100% better. I left that process positive my dad has been in my back. We had a fraught relationship and soon after my collapse, I learned he had dementia. There was a lot of unpacking I had to do our relationship and eventually it all started to come together like a jigsaw puzzle: His presence in my life was toxic and backwards. I wore that pain and disappointment in my body. Then after marrying and having two kids, a nagging lower back pain settled in. I almost don't remember when it started. Maybe 4-5 years ago. I can stretch for hours and it's the tightest and an electric feeling. It's persistent and only walking makes me forget it's not there. Sometimes it subsides. Sometimes in creeps up to my mid back. After massages, I have been able to identify that it's the muscles that come down my back and connect at my waist. They're all like metal rods - tight and tender. Yoga makes me feel like I am an antique. I can run through it, but it's a demoralizing feeling after. I am only 44 and fit. But the body I am in is feeling old and arthritic. I did pick up Mind Over Back Pain again. Can't say it's worked. This time around I just need to back into this differently. I think there's a different trigger and there's a lot of self-loathing and fear in the mix. Parenting has fired up a whole universe of self-doubt and anxiety. I do think of a time that this is behind me once again. I am taking our current self-quarantine state as a chance start on that path.