Ruling out the physical

[Barkis]

I have awful symptoms and they are widespread. I've previously healed from many other long terms symptoms but the last two years have been the worst.

One night I was sick in the night and the stomach issues just never went away. Eventually I was diagnosed with H Pylori but the doctor was not really convinced that my symptoms were caused by this. A round of antibiotics did not really help. Eventually I had a scope where a small sliding hitus hernia was found plus Barrett's esophagus which can become cancerous. The fear was alleviated because the chances of it turning to cancer are incredibly slim and it is far more common than people think.

The symptoms just never went away and I suddenly realized that I was forcefully clenching the left side of my abdomen in a tic like manner. I obviously stopped this but the symptoms remained where I feel pain after eating but also it comes and goes and is essentially random.

I went for an ultrasound and was told that where I felt all the pain and symptoms was not worth looking at but then on the other side a dark area was found on my liver. To cut a long story short I was immediately put on a cancer pathway but it turned out to be a benign and common lesion. I was also shocked to find that I had a "tiny" pulmonary embolism in the lower left lung but the consultant was adamant of three things:

1. Pulmonary Embolism not dangerous in my case
2. Hiatus Hernia very small and insignificant
3. Barret esophagus doesn't have symptoms

I was discharged but symptoms continue in the lower left side of my back/abdomen/gut/glute/SI Joint/hamstring/calf.

I similarly tense and at times tic my shoulders and have arm and hand issues aplenty.

I have had an absolute load of tests and doctors are baffled.

I absolutely have all the traits of a TMS person but I'm struggling.

 

[Cactusflower]

Hey @Barkis

Seems like you've been hanging around the Wiki for many years.
You obviously already know the drill, your brain has just reverted back to it's old habits.
How stressed are you right now? How are you thinking about yourself?
What helped you overcome symptoms in the past?

 

[Barkis]

There is a lot of stress because of pain and symptoms.
In the past I healed by essentially letting go of my thoughts and fear around the pain but I think what makes it different this time is the fear that the Hiatus Hernia is responsible for the GI issues. However, the Consultant Gastrointestinal doctor really said that it is not only an incredibly common finding but that symptoms are rarely seen unless the hernia is large. And, I don't exhibit the most obvious symptoms.

 

[JanAtheCPA]

Hi there @Barkis and I'm sorry you're back with symptoms, but maybe it will be a teensy bit reassuring if I tell you that we've been seeing a ton of previously successful past members who have shown up again with setbacks during the last four years (aka these tough times). (Or these totally f***ed-up times - take your pick).

My first suggestion is that you start to pay attention to what is coming out of your negative TMS brain. Do you remember the TMS adage: think psychologically, not physically? In your response right above, you said this:

In the past I healed by essentially letting go of my thoughts and fear around the pain but I think what makes it different this time is the fear...

and then you made the mistake of adding a bunch of details AGAIN about the physical stuff - as if you thought @Cactusflower needed to hear them again, or that the details are of any importance on this forum, and I know that you know better than that.

This is your brain on TMS, my friend. Mind you, we are on the lookout for anyone who responds too much and too long with a "Yes, but..." answer, and your answer is kind of a "Yes, but..." answer to be honest. However, you're allowed one or two of those. Beyond that, a much healthier answer would have been to just say "of the physical symptoms" after the word "fear" in the quote above.

In the little book The Four Agreements, not often recommended these days, but actually a very good addition to Sarno's Twelve Reminders, the first Agreement is "Be Impeccable With Your Word". The idea is that what you say reflects your mindset. If you can mindfully change what comes out of your mouth, you can start the process of rewiring your brain. It takes practice!

Also, avoid "Yes, but..."

It sounds like you did the knowledge thing in the past, but perhaps not a formal program? We usually recommend the Structured Educational Program on the main wiki, which, although it's got some old dead links (we're slowly working on those!) is still the best resource around for working on emotional vulnerability, self reflection, and mindfulness, with an emphasis on the value of expressive/emotional writing (aka journaling, but I always say that it is NOT like keeping a formal journal). Plus it's free, and there isn't even any kind of registration. Just take it slowly, one "Day" per day.

 

[Cactusflower]

“How stressed are you right now? How are you thinking about yourself?
What helped you overcome symptoms in the past?”

go back and read this.
Read Sarno again. Read his treatment protocol: think psychological, look at reasons you may have unrecognized anger, note how your personality can influence your thoughts in general.
Look beyond your current symptoms to your life, habits and thoughts.

 

[Mitocondria]

This image could help

 

[Barkis]

Hi there @Barkis and I'm sorry you're back with symptoms, but maybe it will be a teensy bit reassuring if I tell you that we've been seeing a ton of previously successful past members who have shown up again with setbacks during the last four years (aka these tough times). (Or these totally f***ed-up times - take your pick).

My first suggestion is that you start to pay attention to what is coming out of your negative TMS brain. Do you remember the TMS adage: think psychologically, not physically? In your response right above, you said this:
and then you made the mistake of adding a bunch of details AGAIN about the physical stuff - as if you thought @Cactusflower needed to hear them again, or that the details are of any importance on this forum, and I know that you know better than that.

This is your brain on TMS, my friend. Mind you, we are on the lookout for anyone who responds too much and too long with a "Yes, but..." answer, and your answer is kind of a "Yes, but..." answer to be honest. However, you're allowed one or two of those. Beyond that, a much healthier answer would have been to just say "of the physical symptoms" after the word "fear" in the quote above.

In the little book The Four Agreements, not often recommended these days, but actually a very good addition to Sarno's Twelve Reminders, the first Agreement is "Be Impeccable With Your Word". The idea is that what you say reflects your mindset. If you can mindfully change what comes out of your mouth, you can start the process of rewiring your brain. It takes practice!

Also, avoid "Yes, but..."

It sounds like you did the knowledge thing in the past, but perhaps not a formal program? We usually recommend the Structured Educational Program on the main wiki, which, although it's got some old dead links (we're slowly working on those!) is still the best resource around for working on emotional vulnerability, self reflection, and mindfulness, with an emphasis on the value of expressive/emotional writing (aka journaling, but I always say that it is NOT like keeping a formal journal). Plus it's free, and there isn't even any kind of registration. Just take it slowly, one "Day" per day.

Thank you for this considered reply - it is really helpful.

I have therefore made a fresh start with my mind because the level of stress and tension around this is astonishing. With regards to negative self-talk, I am guilty!