Today was really hard. It seems as though I have TMS on the run, though, as I've now realized I am depressed - it has likely been an undercurrent in my life for some time. I read the article that someone posted in another thread: http://drjamespsychologist-com.webs.com/emotional-style-chron-pain , and it resonated with me. I have tried so hard to be positive, to see the silver lining that I think I deny the negative. I believe in the law of attraction and thus, I tend to try to keep my mindset positive. I think this might actually be a drawback to the LOA. If we are constantly expected to stay in a positive state of mind, how do we correctly deal with negative things that we manifest? Do we acknowledge the negativity and then turn it around? I still believe that a positive attitude is essential and I don't think I will stop trying to cultivate it, as the article said, but I do think I need to give more attention to the negative that happens. For day 23 I journaled about my student loans as a current stressor. I just graduated with my Masters and shortly before graduation I realized that I wasn't actually going to Grad School because I wanted to. I used it as an escape from my terrible marriage. I was scared to get a job and so I went to Grad School. I took out the max student loans because I knew that, psychologically, I couldn't handle school and work. I had a sort of part time job as photo editor for the paper while in school but to have worked and tried to do schoolwork would have been impossible for me. So now I have these loans that I just want to run away from because they have sentenced me to indentured servitude for the next however many years it's going to take to pay them off and it freaks me out. I am terrified. There is no way I can get a "real" full time job right now because of where my mind and body are. Not only is it impossible to work a full 8 hours (I get exhausted easily,) I don't have the cognitive capacity to learn a new "responsible" position. I feel so irresponsible for not knowing more about debt and money and for using grad school as an avoidance technique... I am ashamed and terrified.