Returned Pain on an unfortunate day

It's been 28 days since I've been on this journey. I found it right before my last pain Management appointment. I KNEW as soon as I started reading. I didn't tell my Dr that day because I didn't have enough information. I immediately started tapering off morphine and will be completely off in 4 days and then start Norco. I have built a team. I have a therapist (I'll start Oct 4), I have spoken to my pharmacist who is so helpful. He absolutely supports my cutting morphine ER (unscored of course bc of extended release). He is advising and completely on board. I now need to get my pain Management Dr on my team so I have a safe, successful, & as uncomfortable as possible. I am armed with info my therapist has given me to explain. I'm ready but in pain. So bizarre!

My appointment is in 5 hours and my pain is absolutely killing me. I KNOW I have TMS.

This is truly the craziest journey I've ever been on! I know what my brain is doing but I still can't do the Reprocessing myself.

That's why I have a therapist. The past is so painful, I can't look forward until I stop looking backwards. Every time I look back, almost daily, I have to fight it. I'll go for a jog to remind myself that I'm absolutely fine. Injuries healed years ago. Anyone else experience this?

 

Hi @Jak
I have not had to deal with medication with drawl but I am dealing with fear withdrawal Dr. Hanscom’s, a tms Doc talks about the addiction of TMS in our minds.
Day by day, moment by moment.
Today I had my first EMDR appointment dealing directly with the fear. My mind went off on tangents, it did NOT want to be told it could stop with the fear. It will take many appointments to slowly start to reprogram. That won’t be the end of the journey -still have to work on learning to effectively process emotions but it’s a start. I’ve been at this for awhile.
You need to simply learn to be ok with being uncomfortable. There are a variety of tactics.
Is your therapist a tms specialist? If so they can help you.
If not, we can offer ideas to try. Remember that not feeling safe may have deeper psychological roots and may take time to reprogram. You’ll get there!
So far you are doing a great job!

 

Hmm…are you doing EMDR before you do TMS Reprocessing? I have done EMDR (I actually didn’t believe it would work but my husband really encouraged me to try and I’m so glad I did) before and although my therapist is a TMS specialist, she said the reprocessing isn’t exactly like EMDR. My first appointment is Oct 4 so I’ll be fully off one opioid and the withdrawal that comes with it but at the beginning of another so I should be feeling just fine for a while. I wonder if I’m going to need a different kind of therapy before Reprocessing. I need to learn let go of 4 years of battering from many different things, not even all related and look forward, not back anymore. There won’t be justice or resolution and that’s just the way it is. I’m used to being uncomfortable but ok with it? Yes, I’ll need help with that. Understanding TMS and how tricky the brain can be was the easy part for me to understand. My doctor today thinks my relief was from an ablation many months ago that did nothing but he’s now on my team. I told him I’m jogging pain free and he wants me to be careful not to reinjure my back (he’s not getting it but it’s ok-he wants me to have a safe successful taper. My pharmacist understands exactly what I told him and that gives me a full team including my husband all working together to get me off these hideous meds and get whole Mind and Body healthy and have a future I can look at with Hope. Thanks for your encouragement.

Good luck with the EMDR. I never would have believed it but it was wonderful.

 

@Jak
I have not done pain reprocessing with a therapist but have done the free pain program here (early form of pain reprocessing), the SEP free program twice, worked with a TMS coach (or two, first one was not the best experience for me), and for awhile an ISDTP therapist. Sometimes it just takes a bit to find your path, I guess. EMDR is pretty amazing, and so far has helped. The therapist and I don’t totally agree on my reasons for pain but we both agree that there is a psychological element so we go with that. We are very comfortable working together which is most important. I also have a person who is more of a life coach although she learned TMS coaching from Dr Schubiner to help me. She’s been in a similar journey and has been so helpful, we just meet every once and awhile now. I also do PT - not everyone agrees with that, and it certainly isn’t what every person should do but it helps me with fear and I do 90% of it on my own. That might change at some point, I just keep my mind open and see this healing as a fluid “thing” - if something isn’t helping I try go work on it alone and if that isn’t happening I try to see what else serves me. Not so much searching for a fix, but seeking a way to get where I want to be. EMDR and ETF on my own at home has helped changed my outlook right now. I look at EMDR as temporary and ETF a good life skill and I think for folks who struggle with journaling and/or meditation at times, it can be a similarly useful tool. I struggle with those on and off, but having ETF keeps me from stressing about that, and helps me see those doors aren’t closed, and keeps my brain from thinking it’s “off the hook” from doing the work.
Best wishes to you. I think you are doing so well advocating for yourself and feeling empowered to find the right path for yourself.