Responding to Back Pain. . . Again

Nanell

Nanell

New Member
Not sure how this site works. I am a member and have taken part in the Saturday forums. I am quite sure most of what's been wrong with me over my 70 plus years is TMS-related. I became aware of John Sarno in 2018 when I had the same back pain I'm having now. Read all his books and a lot of the newer authors. I fit TMS personality 100%. Anxious since birth, then my mother died when I was 5 and then blended family that taught me to bury my emotions which I did in order to survive. Have been a mostly healthy, productive, cheery, creative woman, wife, mother, Occupational Therapist, Grandmother, relative and friend and most people would have no idea my underlying struggles. Childhood was peppered with classic TMS ailments and unexplained incidents. I'm sure the thought of aging plays into my reactions these days. When the back pain arrived in 2018, I read Healing Back Pain and thought it sounded like TMS. When I gave up being cautious with my back after months of suffering with it, during a time when I was cleaning out my parents' house for sale and getting my step-mom into senior care, I just went ahead and lifted things and acted as normally as I could and realized I felt ok! I've had similar problems with insomnia, IBS, interstitial cystitis, allergic reactions, ocular migraines, and a host of other symptoms which I've just had to understand are brain-caused and not a threat where I'm feeling them. At the time of this injury I was also going through a host of post-Covid symptoms which my doctor assured me were temporary. So that may be playing into my the mix this time too. I'm wondering how long to give this acute injury to heal before I feel the need to dig into diagnostics and then find a TMS practitioner to confirm. I am so suspicious of trusting conventional medical diagnostics on back pain because I know at my age everyone's back is a mess. I'm doing "all the right stuff" during this acute pain but definitely uneasy about the outcome. Also troubled because a vacation with kids and grandkids is schedule in a few days and of course I'd been hoping to feel my best for that. I'm ordinarily a super busy, energetic Nana so this is a challenge. Trying to do a lot of encouraging talks with my amygdala but it's slow to catch up with what my cortex knows. Any advice, pep talk, observation would be appreciated.
 
Nanell!
What an excellent first post! Welcome to the forum.
Super energetic grandma is going on vacation.. VACATION!! “a period spent away from home or business in travel or recreation. had a restful vacation at the beach. 2. a. : a scheduled period during which activity (as of a court or school) is suspended.”
Why are you pressuring yourself about “activity suspended” and “restful” and stressing out about the expectations of others. Why not just let people know what you NEED which right now is lots of love, rest and fun. Let your kids do all the work!
 
Hi Nanell,
I’m a lot like you! If you want you can read all my original posts in here. Click on my name, then on My Story, then on the postings tab, scroll to the bottom and click “find all threads by Diana-M.” These posts tell my story and what I’ve learned. Maybe you can glean something, especially from the advice I got.

You are in the right place! You can get better! You just have to patiently do all the work involved. The best way to learn that is from the Structured Educational Program here. Unfortunately, you can’t command or rush healing. It only makes it worse. It was super hard for me to let my kids and my grandkids know that I was having problems getting around.But once I was over that hurdle, I could relax. A fact is a fact. I can’t move well. Everybody else has to adjust. I’ll get better when I get better. And I try and focus on what I can do not what I used to be able to do. Life has its ups and downs. There are things to learn by having TMS. And I guess that’s what the Universe (or God) has us signed up for.
 
Cactusflower said:
Nanell!
What an excellent first post! Welcome to the forum.
Super energetic grandma is going on vacation.. VACATION!! “a period spent away from home or business in travel or recreation. had a restful vacation at the beach. 2. a. : a scheduled period during which activity (as of a court or school) is suspended.”
Why are you pressuring yourself about “activity suspended” and “restful” and stressing out about the expectations of others. Why not just let people know what you NEED which right now is lots of love, rest and fun. Let your kids do all the work!
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Thanks!! Indeed I’ve already given that news to my husband and kids!! Now it’s just dealing with internal work that has to be done and anticipating a good time despite not feeling at my best. And reminding myself it’s just temporary!
 
Diana-M said:
Hi Nanell,
I’m a lot like you! If you want you can read all my original posts in here. Click on my name, then on My Story, then on the postings tab, scroll to the bottom and click “find all threads by Diana-M.” These posts tell my story and what I’ve learned. Maybe you can glean something, especially from the advice I got.

You are in the right place! You can get better! You just have to patiently do all the work involved. The best way to learn that is from the Structured Educational Program here. Unfortunately, you can’t command or rush healing. It only makes it worse. It was super hard for me to let my kids and my grandkids know that I was having problems getting around.But once I was over that hurdle, I could relax. A fact is a fact. I can’t move well. Everybody else has to adjust. I’ll get better when I get better. And I try and focus on what I can do not what I used to be able to do. Life has its ups and downs. There are things to learn by having TMS. And I guess that’s what the Universe (or God) has us signed up for.
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I will definitely look you up. I would love to work with a TMS MD, class, coach but none nearby. I will get over this hurdle too. Lots of very encouraging words and expectations from even my conventional medical people. The consensus is that I’m essentially a very healthy person and everything going on with me is healable. Thanks for sharing your story!
 
Ah yes, mortality. That was my trigger in 2011 the year I turned 60. It's a great topic for emotional writing exercises, something you will be encouraged to do if you start the Structured Educational Program as @Diana-M recommended. It's free and easy to just start on our main TMSWiki.org website
(no signup needed).

So I recovered from my TMS crisis in 2011, but my mother's death three years later triggered the mortality issue again. And I had a crazy scary TMS episode the night we finished clearing out her condo. I wrote a brief description of it which you might find interesting. It really illustrates how the brain can take a stressful emotion and replace it with excruciating physical pain - and it equally illustrates how such pain can literally be banished in minutes. Here it is:
http://www.tmswiki.org/forum/bookmarks/137/view-item (Bookmark | TMS Forum (The Mindbody Syndrome))
 
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Well put! I’ve had similar awareness about emotional issues that are being overlooked, but even with delving into them, I tend to panic at the physical, especially when it’s intense and scary and question whether I’m just trying to ignore reality! GTK about the Structured Program. Thanks so much to you both for recommending. I will give myself some healing time because I think this really could be physically based, and continue to be aware that TMS tendencies are possible if it lingers.
 
Nanell said:
I think this really could be physically based, and continue to be aware that TMS tendencies are possible if it lingers.
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Good luck, Nanell! Hope you have a wonderful vacation and that you heal from your back ache. It sounds like you are pretty sure you have TMS. So hopefully this wiki can help you.
 
Thank you both so much for your past responses. Happy to report that my back pain has improved considerably in the past 3 weeks. Have worked on the assumption that it's either TMS or something very healable, taken down anxiety a notch with somatic meditation, worked on pain reprocessing and worked with counselor on some of the more emotional aspects--probably the biggest part of all this. So......about the time I'm feeling optimistic and hopeful, you guessed it. I woke up this morning with significant pain in another area--top part of my left breast which I have begun to realize is actually coming from pectoral muscles. Not sure the cause--slept crooked or....? I know breast concerns were a big chronic problem for me in my 30s and 40s--benign fibrocystic--cysts off and on and of course breast infections when I was nursing. Since menopause I have had no problems. But it's such a scary area and I know this is my unconscious trying to really rattle my cage this time since the last bit didn't work. I don't see much about breast pain or chronic problems on any of the threads, probably because it is such a personal, often emotionally loaded subject. I do know of several women that have chronic breast pain with no known reason coming from all their testing. I am assuming some of that is symptom imperative. Certainly gets the attention of all women. Wonder if either of you are familiar with this subject coming up on the threads?
 
Nanell said:
Wonder if either of you are familiar with this subject coming up on the threads?
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You're right that it is not frequent, but it certainly has come up a number of times and always with a background of extensive examination and zero causation.

Try using our keyword search for "breast pain". On the results page, choose the second tab for "results from our forum only". If you get too many hits, you can also try starting with the "More..." options in the search box, and limit your search to just one subforum, I always recommend the Success Stories subforum to start with!
 
Nanell said:
Thank you both so much for your past responses. Happy to report that my back pain has improved considerably in the past 3 weeks. Have worked on the assumption that it's either TMS or something very healable, taken down anxiety a notch with somatic meditation, worked on pain reprocessing and worked with counselor on some of the more emotional aspects--probably the biggest part of all this. So......about the time I'm feeling optimistic and hopeful, you guessed it. I woke up this morning with significant pain in another area--top part of my left breast which I have begun to realize is actually coming from pectoral muscles. Not sure the cause--slept crooked or....? I know breast concerns were a big chronic problem for me in my 30s and 40s--benign fibrocystic--cysts off and on and of course breast infections when I was nursing. Since menopause I have had no problems. But it's such a scary area and I know this is my unconscious trying to really rattle my cage this time since the last bit didn't work. I don't see much about breast pain or chronic problems on any of the threads, probably because it is such a personal, often emotionally loaded subject. I do know of several women that have chronic breast pain with no known reason coming from all their testing. I am assuming some of that is symptom imperative. Certainly gets the attention of all women. Wonder if either of you are familiar with this subject coming up on the threads?
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I think we often don't talk about it as breast pain. We say "chest pain" when sometimes it's in that dang, scary breast area. I know I get it. Especially in that top area that you mention.
The good news is that the really scary stuff with breasts usually aren't associated with pain.
Those muscles in that general vicinity are some of the most common ones that we tighten or do whatever we do that gives us chest, breast, rib, back and related pains. Plus there is all the digestive thingamabobs that can give us twitches and twinges in that area. Which of course our TMS brains latch on to and keep the pains going unnecessarily.

This aging stuff is for the birds! The only good part as I mentioned on another post recently is that we've had pains and scares a million times in the past and nearly all the time they've turned out to be nothing of consequence.

Good luck!
PS. Out of curiosity, how did the family vacation go when you last wrote?
Any upcoming things that you might be unconsciously ruminating on or fearful about?
 
Wow yes to all that. The trip with family was uncomfortable but I wouldn’t have missed it for anything. The grandkids were so happy and my sons are always comforting to be around. I missed out on some hiking and a few other opportunities but also enjoyed some surprises I wouldn’t have otherwise had. Lots of unresolved family issues in the blended family I grew up with since age 7 , after the death of my Mom when I was 5. Since my adoptive mom died in’22, a lot of the family dynamics have undergone an amazing amount of change as we all process difficulties from our childhoods. That being said, I’ve done tons of counseling and therapies over the years. Also think post-Covid is affecting my symptom rate! I appreciate and agree with your response about breast/chest pain and it reminds me that I had the same thing on the other side in my 40s and was diagnosed with costochondritis! That’s truly where the pain seems to be originating is in that joint. Seems a little symptom imperative as well as something that could develop from my body moving differently, guarded with back pain. Thanks so much for your reply.
 
Nanell said:
I had the same thing on the other side in my 40s and was diagnosed with costochondritis!
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An inflammatory condition with no clear cause.

I've definitely had it, although only one episode had me concerned enough to call urgent care , and that's when I discovered there was a name for it. As with so many of my symptoms, as soon as it was determined to be this harmless and temporary inflammatory condition with no clear cause, it went away quickly, because I stopped worrying about it - sorry, TMS brain!

Look up "stress and inflammation". To me, it explains a LOT, if not most, of our TMS/MBS/PPD symptoms.

I also think that stress-based inflammation is at the root of some, if not most, of the autoimmune conditions, which also have no clear cause.

Of course, as long as medical research is dependent on Big Pharma, all we'll ever get for the AI conditions is more drugs.
 
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Nanell said:
Childhood was peppered with classic TMS ailments and unexplained incidents.
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Me, too. But my back pain did not start until I was age 27. I had recurrent episodes of that pain until I Sarno published Healing Back Pain. I was 51 then. Within six weeks after reading it and working on applying what I read, my back pain ended completely and permanently.

Nanell said:
I became aware of John Sarno in 2018 when I had the same back pain I'm having now. . . . I'm sure the thought of aging plays into my reactions these days."
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Only because you expect that to be the case. Sarno called it Pavlovian conditioning--aka what you get is what you expect.

A older person’s spinal structure is not what it was at a younger age, but that does not have to mean back pain. Dr. Schubiner refers to a musculoskeletal back imaging study that was published in the American Journal of Neuroradiology. The study was done on people with NO back pain, and the results were grouped by age decennially. For octogenarians, like me, the statistics were: 96% had disk degeneration, 84% had disk bulge, 43% had disk protrusion, 29% had annular fissure, 83% had facet degeneration, and 50% had spondylolisthesis. For septugenarians in the study, the percentages were a little better but not by much, e.g., 93% had disk degeneration. I have not had any back imaging done for probably half a century, so I have no idea what my current back structure is. I surely must have one or more of the “abnormalities" noted in the imaging study. But I don’t care. I have have not had a single incident of back pain for the last thirty-three years and don’t expect to have any for the rest of my life.
 
Well put!! Stress based inflammation covers so much TMS. Also in my case, the logic of how easily back pain can become front pain and the familiarity of how this felt on the other side many years ago helps me ease off on the panic that so easily takes over. Inflammation with no known cause— it’s good to keep the doctors baffled once in a while! Also interesting that it’s so common for OTC painkillers and pharmaceuticals to not work on TMS symptoms.
 
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