Requesting Guidance

I seem to making no headway with a TMS approach and it is quite discouraging. I've had symptoms for over 10 years, but only started a strict TMS approach in the last two years. That being said I've been aware of the mind-body component from the start, but was still 'treating' my symptoms at that time. I have the typical symptoms of a body-mind that is stuck in fight-flight (GI, pain, auto-immune, dysautonomia, POTS) and multiple chronic sports injuries that are resistant to PT.

I've read all the TMS books (Sarno, ozanich, gordon, etc), and once I understood TMS, found it a relief that 'there was nothing wrong with me' in a traditional medical sense. I think I've gone above and beyond with the 'education therapy' as I could probably teach a TMS class at this point. However, now that I am two years into this I am no better. I have resumed all activity and removed all limitations and none of my symptoms have gone away. Yeah, I show up and do things, but I am a shell of myself and any real progress in my life is elusive. Actually, the only thing I have to show for it is two more injuries that have turned chronic.

Before, I was doing absolutely nothing. In the last two years, I've gone back to college full time although I have no cognitive capacity, I just try to show up and fake my way through. A lot of my symptoms are visual and cognitive so this has been extremely difficult, but I stopped holding my self back. It has not gotten any better.

I stopped limiting my self to any physical activity, and I am a guy who was a D1 Track athlete until my chronic illness knocked me out. Resuming activity has included exercising up to three times a day to completely 'attack' the TMS, but also because I used to like exercise and I would choose to do this if I was healthy. I do yoga and lift weights for about 2-3 hours everyday and walk 5-10 miles. I started playing basketball again, which was scary because a torn ankle ligament from basketball was one of the injuries that sidelined me 7 years earlier. I'd play sometimes 4 hours at a time, holding nothing back. I kept playing through the pain, basically hobbling down the court, until I tore a ligament in my other ankle. I have put basketball on hold for now. Other activities I launched myself into are skiing, golf, pickup soccer, and difficult hikes. I also started Tai Chi and play lots of 8-ball. I continue to maintain this level of activity.

On top of this I try my best at working the emotional angle, spending a significant amount of my day on trying to feel unconscious emotions and meditate. I have stopped trying to 'get better' in all aspects, I am just trying to live my life and do what I want to do. I have done my best to remove all limitations, but I do not know how I can keep this up. It is beyond discouraging to me that I have not gotten even a little better and I deal with the same chronic injuries and symptoms everyday no matter what or how much I do. The worst part is the feeling of futility that nothing I can do matters.

I would be grateful for any advice or guidance on understanding my situation and how to move forward.

 

Your two years of intense TMS work—resuming sports, full-time college, and deep emotional exploration—is truly heroic and far beyond what most manage. That said, it seems this "attacking" mode (pushing through hobbling pain, hours of exercise, and emotion hunting) may be a high-alert behaviour keeping your nervous system stuck in dysregulation and danger signals, rather than safety.

I appreciate you're already incorporating some calming elements like Tai Chi, but I feel that more balance is likely to be key. Sarno captured this in his book The Mindbody Prescription:

"Suppose, however, there is another element in the equation; that it is not simply the quantity of rage that brings on symptoms, but the presence or absence of counterbalancing soothing factors. Theoretically, these pleasant elements in a person’s life would modify the threat posed by the rage and make symptoms unnecessary... the occurrence of symptoms reflects too much rage and not enough counteracting soothing elements in one’s life."

Suggestions:

Amp up soothing daily: More Tai Chi, gentle walks with music, social 8-ball nights, or comedy podcasts—pure fun, no agenda.

For structure, Tanner Murtagh's free 30-day program on building safety cues is great (I and many others find his work to be wonderfully calming to the nervous system):

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BloodMoon, I will reflect on these suggestions. Thank you for the kind reply.

 

“ I try my best at working the emotional angle, spending a significant amount of my day on trying to feel unconscious emotions and meditate.”

Hello @jinqui
I can relate in many ways to your journey. I am not yet symptom free but spend many hours most days pain free (doing this work for over 2-3 years now) One thing that got me to this point was trusting that all the work was paying off. I only meditate when I need to - or want to. Making meditation a choice instead of a “fix” and at the same time worrying less about feeling and sensing emotions “perfectly”. I learned to trust that for the most part, I am doing just that by recognizing my habits and behaviors that stopped me from feeling them - and changing those much of the time (again, not perfect). I now know I just needed balance: which includes more time doing anything TMS focused because I don’t need fixing or “curing” I needed to actually put the things I’d learned into action - trust myself to use those things in everyday life. That is where I made my biggest gains!