Releasing rage

Hi All,

I was journaling this morning in a letter format where I was writing to my dad. My dad has caused me an immense amount of anxiety. He was very hard on me when I was growing up. He also had and still has a bad temper. He always made me feel on edge when I'd help him out around the house with chores. He now is older, but some of actions are ones that I still don't agree with. At any rate, I began journaling about how angry I am at him for all the anxiety he has caused me. The anger/rage became so uncontrollable that I quickly stopped journaling and went over to the couch and repeatedly punched the couch pillow very violently. I kept punching it until I started to break down and cry. It was quite an experience. I feel like I released a lot of rage that has been bottling up for many years now. I felt a lot more calm afterwards, but also a bit in shock with how violent I got. Has anyone ever experienced the same thing while journaling about very deeply rooted rage? Also, how does one reconcile this rage without losing control? I was in so much shock that I started to worry what my wife would think of what I did. I'm sure she would understand (as she always does), but it's still very frightening to be in that state of mind. I also still feel anxious as I know I have more work to do before I begin to see my anxiety subside.

Anyway, hope someone can provide me with some insight on this.

Thanks,
ikreim2

 

This definitely rings my bell. I recently read about a TMS practitioner whose patient said he harbored years of repressed anger at his mother
who told him it was not acceptable to show anger about anything. It developed anger in him that grew into rage. Like the anger you feel toward
your father. The practitioner suggested that the man imagine himself beating the crap out of his mother. He imagined himself nearly killing her,
and then experienced great relief, having vented his anger. You beat the crap out of a pillow, which was good. But it might have even be better
if you imagined the pillow to be your father. Beat the stuffing out of it/him. Then feel the relief.

But also, put yourself in your father's shoes. He must have a lot of TMS that caused him to make life miserable for you, and probably others.
If you think about his anger and bad temper, not the least of which may be his age and dealing with his eventual mortality, you could be
able to forgive him.

Maybe the combination of imaging hitting him and putting yourself in his shoes will relieve you of your anger which is causing you pain.

 

Thanks, Walt. I feel like I have so much of that repressed rage bottled up, hence all the anxiety that I have. I may need to devote more than one session to actually do that exercise. I'll also keep in mind what you said about my dad's own TMS. Thanks, again!