Relationship with fear

Hi all,

Noticed something interesting over the last few weeks that might be helpful to others walking the TMS path.

Since PRT has become all the rage I have practiced Somatic Tracking but never found it that effective. I struggled to shift from the hawkish gaze at the pain to the softer, easier gaze. Also, I was getting in a muddle about needing to be curious and not fearful.

The thing is: I was afraid of a new ankle pain even though I know it is TMS (been what I call robustly recovered for a couple of years with occasional flares here and there). The intellectual knowing that the pain is harmless hadn't filtered down into the depths for this new pain.

So in the classic way of the perfectionist, I started getting critical at feeling fear of the pain and trying to push it away. I wanted the perfect somatic tracking session. All this meant was that I fed the TMS machine through sustained fearful attention during each meditation session.

However, 2 weeks ago I had a minor epiphany and realised that the fear is not an enemy to be fought and I needed a shift in approach. So, inspired by Buddhist practices I tried out insight practice - focusing on the breath, moving attention to whatever arises, noting it, being with it non-judgmentally, and coming back to the breath.

This was a total transformation in attitude - I no longer felt I needed to force any part of experience away and actually felt the fear. And what was causing the fear? Was it the sensations?

Of course it wasn't - it was the story that was going alongside the pain. "Ed, you'll never run again", "I can't believe you help people with chronic pain but can't even get rid of your own", "What if it gets worse and I will be in pain all day"... yada yada...so on and so forth

And I realised I had been listening to the fear thoughts -> stopped sitting in certain ways, running, going to events -- all of the classic adaptations to pain that teach the brain that pain is dangerous.

Since I have seen this link, the pain and fearful thoughts have diminished in power. I can more easily recognise they are thoughts and uncomfortable sensations. BUT I needed to actually feel the fear and stop resisting it to understand this deeply.

Even more importantly, I am back to sitting how I want, running, and being free with all movements because experiencing the fear pierced the illusion that I have a damaged ankle. It is healthy and normal like the rest of my body.

 

That's awesome! You talk about a point that I think it's very important, this taboo around the word "fear". This idea you shouldn't feel it because it keeps you in the symptoms loop. For me it totally backfired and made me have fear about feeling fear.

We're all human beings, we have a brain system evolved to very quickly ignites fear. We also have a mind capable of feeling fear and understand where it got wrong.

I've been listening to The PRT Podcast with Daniella Deutsch and John Gasienica and it's amazing how PRT has already evolved a lot since Alan Gordon and Alon Ziv Tell Me About Your Pain pod. It seems now somatic tracking is not so much to reduce fear of sensations, but also to have conversations with your body, very jungian...

 

This is what many PRT people call "Pendulation" - you move from a "scary" sensation to a "safe" one in a gentle back and forth way, like waves on the ocean. For many people, it's a form of behavioral modification - your brain will sort of pair the scary sensations to the safe ones and eventually the scary seems to dissipate.

@mrefreddyg you have shown us an excellent example of why approaching our fears and trepidation with curiosity, even a cautious curiosity begins to break so many cycles. It gives us a feeling of confidence, control (in an effective way that works for us), and eventually success!

 

Over the years of doing TMS work I've come to appreciate how much of what triggers symptoms is thought based. I recognize there is also an emotional component, but I think that we have to address our dysfunctional thinking patterns as well. And fear that is thought-based can be effectively addressed with any technique that gets you out of your head and into your body (breath focus or just exercising hard), or into nature, or using mindfulness to sink into your sensations and the present moment, mantras, music, art, animals etc. It all works in my experience, but you have to first have the awareness that you are stuck in your thoughts and they aren't real.

 

That's kind of the problem, when you're stuck in the battle, in the storm of symptoms, fear over the symptoms and what they portend, etc it can be difficult to see these things clearly. It's very much not being able to see the forest for all the trees.

At least for me this is difficult, and add to the fact I tend to forget so many "epiphanies" I've made in the past, makes this entire practice so difficult. But that's why it's called a practice, right?

 

The limbic system shuts down the pre frontal cortex, that's why it's quite hard to rational think when in pain. Symptoms reduce our options and some people actually write down reminders for when in pain.

Thinking about what's happening, it's safe to say pain is being caused by the flight or fight state. Sometimes we are able to pinpoint the reason why we're in this state (the emotion, the stress, the memory etc.) but a lot of times it's a very neuroplastic reason caused by "neurons that wire together, fire together". Not to say the pain itself causes anxiety that causes pain. There are times we're good, not stressed, hopeful of healing, and symptoms come to surface either way. I think it signals to our part that's in need of control. You start not caring about TMS that much, and this part freaks out.

Now try to imagine making sense of it all with a siren blaring in your ears. It's nearly impossible.

What can we do then in this very vulnerable state? Well first I think it's ok to admit it just sucks. Our control over pain is very limited and it's overwhelming going for it. Then we got the soothing exercises. My favorite is to compare the muscle tension between left and right side. Finally with this relaxation we can remember we've been here so many times, symptoms will recede, and we already are way more capable of dealing with uncertainty than we were before, which is the path for a stronger and healthier mind.

 

Thank you that was insightful and helpful.