Hi, maybe someone was in a similar situation and will have something interesting to say and give me some directions. I know many issues contribute to my TMS but possibly relationships with my husband and my parents are the main ones at play. Here I want to talk about the relationship with my husband. I am 29 and we have just had our 10th anniversary a couple of days ago. We had some problems after the honeymoon phase and I had serious doubts and wanted to leave but he convinced me to stay. About a year later my stomach problems started. It may have had something to do with that situation but I don’t know for sure. I am aware there were moments when I knew I was with him because there was nobody more interesting, etc. But now I do not regret not leaving the relationship at all. I am grateful I didn’t do that. He is the most loving and caring person ever and before him I chose toxic guys only that hurt me and he really is not toxic at all. I love him so much that it kills me to even think that in my mind he might be the reason I am unwell. I feel so guilty about it. Now most of our problems are my health related because I am desperate and he is tired of me looking for answers. We do have some problems but I want to work on them. I never ever want to leave him but there are these thoughts that maybe my body tells me to leave by giving me pain. I really hate the idea and it gives me anxiety. But I am in pain and so tired of this TMS that you know, sometimes I think that simply leaving would solve my problems in an instant but I guess it wouldn’t really. Or they would come back in the next relationship which I don’t even want to enter. It’s just my mind tired of being ill I guess, wanting easy fixes. I tried to figure out the reasons - some things pop up - sometimes I think if there is anyone better for me, I am a perfectionist so this has a lot to do here, that maybe I should look for someone who gives me more exciting emotions but there again I know that it would mostly be the honeymoon phase. I also am a bit narcissist and it also makes sense that I would love things to be perfect. There was also a time when I was so focused on myself that I was the toxic part of the relationship. It now kills me to think I was such a bad girlfriend. I now work on it and I am trying my best because I don’t want to hurt him further. But it all makes me feel like a horrible person because I was made to believe one shouldn’t have any doubts in a relationship, that it all should be natural and that if you need to work on a relationship it means it’s not really good. And that it’s not enough for a relationship to be good enough but it has to be perfect. I have many similar harmful beliefs and have trouble with them. I even developed relationship OCD 2 years ago when I associated the onset of stomach problems with my relationship. It made me miserable because I felt there is a huge internal conflict. I love him and know he is the best man ever but some part of me would want a perfect relationship always full of excitement while he is calm. There are a lot of false expectations about love that I hold and I logically know they are harmful but have trouble overcoming them emotionally. I cannot really convince that part of me that it’s the relationship for me. One part wants the relationship, one part wants to flee. And it seems as if I am looking for others to give me happiness rather than working on myself to feel happy from within. I know it’s not good to expect that others will magically make us happy. I feel so immature that any big decisions always make me want to escape. I always thought that big changes in life would bring me happiness and excitement only - we are about to buy a plot of land for a future home - and instead of feeling only happy and excited I have TMS issues and started again wondering if it has something to do with the relationship. What makes me wonder - even though it’s all conscious - I still have pain. Wouldn’t being aware of this put an end to it? I have no idea how to work on that. I am aware of many issues but still have problems. This whole topic makes me really anxious but I don’t want to be in pain forever. And I want this relationship to work. Even thinking that my body would force me to leave my husband makes me feel miserable. I sometimes even think that what if I have no pain and realise I need to leave. It’s really the last thing I want to do. It’s a good and safe relationship with a man that cares about me and makes me laugh. I want to have children with him and spend my life with him but at the same time it is really scary. Anyone whose TMS was also related to their relationship? How did you work on that? For me leaving is not an option, even though I am so tired of stomach pain. Maybe the relationship isn’t perfect but it is good and I love my husband. Of course this might be one issue to which I give too much attention also because I want to get rid of the pain and I am trying too hard. I might have more serious issues, or it might totally be something else, I don’t know yet and I am working on it. It might also be that it started because of that 7 years ago but I am still keeping the pain cycle on by different mechanisms. I am working on both desensitization and emotions as I read that some people are better after emotional work, while others improve by simply stopping obsessing and giving the pain attention. What makes it hard is that my stomach is upset to the point that it often hurts by simply eating or drinking, doesn’t matter what I eat or drink, even water hurts on some days. But I also have some intolerances so I want to clean my diet so that I can see the real scope of what is TMS and what isn’t. But the fact that I have TMS is 100% sure, when I developed a new pain I obsessed about my stomach issues improved by 70%. They are back to bad now but what I experienced was shocking and convincing that it indeed is TMS.