Relapse

Hi all. Quick summary of my path so far:

• Nov 2015 - Dec 2016 (a little over a year) - lower back and right leg pain. Tried everything. Pain constantly at 8+ out of 10, used a cane for a while.
• Jan 2017 - discovered Sarno
• May 2017 - pain under control, maybe a 1 or 2 out of 10
• June 2017 - pain totally gone. Hallelujah!
• mid-July 2017 - small (in duration and intensity) relapse in TMS symptoms, surrounding a family reunion. Apparently my mom stresses me out.
• end-July 2017 - full relapse in TMS symptoms, surrounding a camping trip.

Over the past week my pain is back to 8-9 out of 10 pretty consistently. Miserable.

I'm following the new program and find it to be a good refresher as well as providing some new ideas.

I'm more than a little frustrated with this relapse. I thought it might be tied to those specific stressful events and would quickly fade away afterwards. But it took me 3 minutes to put my socks on this morning - I can't bend my torso down or my legs up far enough for hands to reach feet, without a whole lot of grunting. I walk around like a 90-year-old again. (I'm 44.)

Interestingly, the pain jumps all over the place. It feels like my body is a circuit board with pain lights flashing all over the place. "Let's try the ankle, now the right buttock, upper back, lower back. Ooh, let's settle into those hips for a long while." So, it's very clear to me that this is the TMS symptom imperative and not a bunch of new injuries I have no memory of.

I felt like I had a pretty good self-care routine going. Meditation several times a week, exercise, reading, playing the guitar and doing lots of things I enjoy, not beating myself up. I'm not aware of any other new stress in my life. Work is as drama-free as it has been in years, family relationships are good.

I'm trying to apply what I learned before. And trying to be patient. Has anyone experienced a similar back-and-forth? Any words of wisdom for me?

Thanks.

 

Dear Guitarist,
Words of wisdom, well not quite, but I have had my hip, lower back pain controlled, without a walking stick for about 4 years (since 2012) after suffering a couple of years prior with horrible pain. Then last year, it came back full blast. I had lots of emotional, family, traumas, plus having recently retired, that hit me full throttle and my body suffered the clout of these negative messages I was evidently reenforcing. Have been using a walking stick again since late last year. Pain moved from left knee, to right or left ankle, lumbar back, right hip, buttock, severe sciatica, and to my rt. thigh, left shoulder, and also created anaphylactic shock (breathing issues) on a couple of occasions, yadayada. I have been diagnosed with compromised (next to none) hip cartilage, and lower back disc issues.

I reread Sarno HBP and picked up a few other books to boot. Ovanich's book the Great Pain Deception was/is instrumental in some of my healing. February through the end of April was horrible, but woke up after lots of writing/processing and sciatica was GONE. In June the other severe pains began to be more intermittent and a bit less PAINFUL. I understand the frustration. For my part, I believe that I was/am still carting around some deep emotional baggage and have worked at being an exorcist for this using the TMS protocols. Alan's program (just recently put on the website) has been good. Particularly, for me anyway, his reminders to pay attention to our breath and our feelings/anxiety, all the time using conscious breathing, back and forth focusing on the pain. e.g. retraining our brain to think positively.

I am hopeful. Hoping that this time the pain will fully subside. Hopeful that TMS is for me, what it has been for so many before me, a reality not a hope. Hopeful to be able to live a more active life than I currently enjoy.

I think you should be hopeful too. Family reunions can be toxic. I understand that very well.

Kindly
Lainey

 

Put the word "relapse" in the search box at the top right of the page. You will find many posts on just this topic that hopefully will contain some helpful information. Most of us struggle with the occasional relapse. It's part of the journey.

Best wishes........

 

Thanks @Lainey and @Ellen. There's some comfort (mental if not physical) knowing I'm not the first to experience this. I found http://www.tmswiki.org/ppd/Relapse_Recovery_Rules (Relapse Recovery Rules) to be interesting, although I feel like I'm already attempting most of it. One idea that was new to me came from http://www.tmswiki.org/ppd/Q%26A:_How_do_I_handle_an_acute_relapse%3F (Q&A: How do I handle an acute relapse?) :

I tried this last night and woke up at 2am with the word "Facebook" in my mind. So, I closed my account (again) this morning. I have a love-hate relationship with Facebook. I love staying in touch with friends and family. I love the validation of "likes" when I post something funny. But I hate how much I rely on that validation. It's also an environment that breeds conscious (and possibly more unconscious) rage a dozen times per day. I think removing it from my life during my initial treatment period was helpful. We'll see how it goes.

 

I never wanted a Facebook page for the reasons you sited. I also am more inclined to not put myself "out there" (this forum appears to be the exception). Good luck in weaning yourself.
Also, thanks for the tip on writing down a question at night. Years ago, during a difficult time in my life, I was pretty diligent about keeping a dream journal. It was fascinating, but at the same time somewhat alarming. Your suggestion sounds a bit like the lucid dreaming process.
Lainey