Relapse

Hello everyone,

I used to get RSI type pain in my wrists, which, thanks to the help of all the great people on this forum, dissipated back in 2014.

Unfortunately, with the symptoms gone I started sliding back into my old habits. I stopped making the time to journal, I stopped thinking mindfully and I stopped posting on this forum. Today I'm as least as stressed out as I ever was. I never seem to have the time to fit everything I need/want to do into my day. I'm a monster level perfectionist and my emotions are super repressed when I'm in work or out and about in the general public. I hate my job and I resent the amount of time it consumes. But I can't even feel angry about it (apart from maybe in a polite acceptable quiet way) unless I'm at home and its "safe" for the emotions to rise.

Because of this I'm experiencing numerous pain symptoms in other areas. Some of the symptoms corresponded to a particular physical incident and I've only just started to suspect they could also be TMS induced, (sneaky mind).

The first symptom occurred early in 2015 an ache in my right knee that came on when descending mountains. I think it is likely to be TMS induced as I was warned by numerous people that hiking up and down hills with a rucksack can damage knees. I think this information lead my mind to use the knee as a symptom site. The knee pain used to flare up whilst hiking down hill and last for days afterwards. I no longer hike due to an ankle injury I will describe below. However, I still feel soreness and tightness in my right knee during some yoga poses and it is sore if I'm kneeling on hard ground. I've had physio and orthotics (to correct collapsing arches which the physio thought was the problem), neither of which has made much difference.

The second symptom also occurred early in 2015. I strained my left middle finger (likely pulley injury) whilst climbing. I then did the same to my right middle finger in July 2015. These injuries are very common in climbing, but usually heal within a few months at the most. Both my fingers still become sore today after I grip something hard or pick up a heavy object. I've had physio, which didn't help long term. An MRI and scan didn't show any abnormalities.

The third symptom is a pain in my ankles around the anterior talofibular ligaments. This came on during a winter hike in February 2016. The boots I wore were too tight and pressed on the ligament in both of my ankles. The pain was quite sharp. I got down the mountain and experienced some discomfort over the next few days, which dissipated. 2 weeks later I tried to wear hiking boots again and couldn't without experiencing pain in the ligaments. Prodding the ligament and any other pressure induces pain. I think this may be TMS induced as ligament irritation from hiking boots should clear up after a few weeks and I've had this problem for over a year. When trying to find some winter boots that fit properly I read some advice online which warned that ankle ligament damage could last for months. I think this information being absorbed into my mind could have prolonged the pain. Physio has done little to help and an MRI scan showed no abnormalities.

The fourth symptom is planar fascitis type pain. This began in August 2016 after hiking up a mountain in Poland whilst wearing thin canvas shoes (I couldn't wear proper hiking boots due to the pain in my ankles). The base of my feet felt tender after the climb and I thought I may have bruised them and that the pain would go away. Instead, it keeps coming back and preventing me from hiking far. It is like my mind interprets mild pressure on my feet as pain, this is happening in multiple sites over my feet including: ankles, base of feet, top of big toe, inner ankle and occasionally top of foot.

I'm experiencing a lot of stress at work and have done for the past 2 years since the oil industry downturn (went through 2 consecutive redundancy rounds within 6 months in 2015). Not being able to get out and climb or hike is driving me mad as well. Also on reflection, I've done little to change my perfectionist habits, which is likely to be adding rage to my internal reservoir of negative emotions.

What do you think guys? sounds like at least some of the above are TMS induced to me. I think this tale should be seen as a cautionary one. It isn't enough to simply remove the symptoms we have to keep working at it until the adult subconsious mind doesn't feel the need to distract us with symptoms any more (I just re-read that sentence and it sounds super perfectionistic to me).

Thanks for reading and apologies for my absence from the forum over the past couple of years.

Calum

 

Hi Calum,

Yes, it seems to me you are very clear in your descriptions of multiple "pains" and how they started and linger ---that this is TMS. You seem very clear in your analysis. And you understand the connection between stress, lack of emotional allowing, and TMS currently in your life. You also point to this:

I think Dr. Sarno would agree that you have to keep the educational piece going, however it works for you --journaling, reading or listening to Dr. Sarno's work, reading and contemplating the 12 Reminders, reading success stories, simply inquiring into the pain symptoms as soon as you notice them "what is trying not to be felt in this moment?" etc.

It seems that you understand yourself and your situation very clearly. (I just re-read that sentence and it sounds super perfectionistic to me). This is something to observe and connect with symptoms, as you suggest. Also, if there is perfectionism in your aim for yourself, you might re-phrase this aim to yourself as "I will educate myself gently, and daily, as Dr. Sarno has suggested we do, in order to continue our treatment. I am subject to TMS, and I plan to take appropriate steps."

Good luck in your work, and also remember that the less you care about the pain, the less reason it has to stick around.

Andy B

 

Hi Andy, thanks for your reply. I think you hit the nail on the head with this sentence "the less you care about the pain, the less reason it has to stick around." This is the real hard part isn't it?! I've got a new symptom, which came on this week whilst driving long distances, the shoes I was wearing (and wear every day to work) seemed to be putting pressure on the ligaments of my inner ankle. It is ridiculous to think that this isn't TMS as I've been wearing these shoes for years for work and for driving, why would there suddenly be a problem? I think its because I've got a ski trip coming up and my subconscious mind knows it will be hard for me to not care about pain in my feet and ankles in the run up to (and during) my ski trip.

Your right, I need to be more gentle with myself, slow and steady healing day after day. I also plan to see a TMS specialist as soon as I can so they can let me know that none of these pains are actually damaging. When I overcame the TMS pain in my wrists it was this clarification that really helped speed up my healing =).