Regularly Occurring Stressful Event

[Mr Hip Guy]

i.e. ROSE

I have no idea if this is an actual acronym, but in coming up with a name for what I am going to describe below I realized it was spelled out Rose!

What I am referring to is a stressful event/task that I have to perform every week. I've been performing this task almost every week for over 10 years now but in the last few years it has become a source of stress and worry in my life. By that I mean I have anxiety leading up to it, and it impacts my sleep the night before. Every time, without fail, I perform the task "just fine" (sometimes better than others, but I never "fail" at it), and feel good afterwards - but yet the following week the cycle starts all over again. This cycle has become its own source of stress in that it seems to be perpetuating itself and building on itself. It has become a "thing."

What is particularly frustrating is that I feel like the last 5-6 years as I have discovered my TMS tendencies, and treated them...I've learned alot about myself and some of my issues...grown and matured in ways I never could have imagined...and yet, this particular anxiety has not gotten any better, and has actually gotten a fair amount worse.

If it helps, think of the event like it's public speaking - or performative art on stage - or negotiating a business deal - what it is doesn't really matter, but it's something I have to do pretty much every week.

I'm looking for some help or strategies that will help me manage this better going forward.

What I've tried:

- Minimizing the event as "it's no big deal, you do this every week."
- Focusing on the "after" - I am always fine afterwards, even usually proud of what I was able to do - focus on that instead leading up to it.
- Thinking that "the anticipation is always worse than the participation." - While this aphorism is true, it hasn't helped much.
- Upon suggestion from many on this forum, I've been reading some Claire Weeks. And while I really don't like her "voice" (it feels like she thinks her audience is housewives), I've found a few things useful so far. Like her idea of "float" - as well as "leaning into" the stress/pain/worry instead of shying away from it. I've been putting these into practice lately.

The days before "ROSE" are sometimes better than others - keeping myself busy helps - but when it's bad I really retreat into a shell of worry/anxiety. I want to get away from that, so I need some help on how to beat this. Just writing this out is helpful, but I would appreciate it if anyone has any suggestions.

 

[Diana-M]

I would appreciate it if anyone has any suggestions.

Have you ever analyzed or tried to discover why you get so stressed? I heard this saying years ago and it stuck with me. There’s work, and it also always includes “the work behind the work.” The work behind the work is often what trips us up. And that’s what causes problems. So, what’s behind ROSE, other than the obvious? Fear of failure? Fear of being judged? Fear of being fired and going hungry? Fear of humiliation or embarrassment? Journal it all out and dig deep. Then see if you ever felt that way as a small child. And journal about that. It sounds to me like a small childlike part of you is anxious about this activity, but the big mature you can handle it. Maybe you could comfort, console and sympathize with the small you.

The other idea I had is this is straight up conditioning. Claire Weekes’ floating is a big help. Good you’re using that! Maybe try a reward system to start associating the days preceding with something fun?

Last idea: get a new job. lol. (I’d be tempted!) Why suffer on a weekly basis?

 

[Mr Hip Guy]

Have you ever analyzed or tried to discover why you get so stressed? I heard this saying years ago and it stuck with me. There’s always “the work behind the work.” And that’s what causes problems. So, what’s behind this other than the obvious? Fear of failure? Fear of being judged? Fear of being fired and going hungry? Fear of humiliation or embarrassment? Journal it all out and dig deep. Then see if you ever felt that way as a small child. And journal about that. It sounds to me like a small childlike part of you is anxious about this activity, but the big mature you can handle it. Maybe you could comfort, console and sympathize with the small you.

Good points, thank you. I have tried to get-to-the-bottom of this, figuring out what exactly I am afraid of - and I think what it boils down to is classic performance anxiety. But whereas classic performance anxiety manifests pretty soon before the event itself (like having a panic attack before a big presentation), mine has evolved into this big day-before depression. so the usual tricks for dealing with performance anxiety like breathwork and practice/familiarization don't apply here. I'm well practiced at this afterall, I've been doing it for 10+ years! Instead what I am concerned about is what exactly has changed these last few years that has caused this to be such a worry.

I'm going to continue reading the Claire Weeks and see if I can dig in with journaling as you suggested above, to try to root out what is going on here.

 

[Diana-M]

Oh and quitting my job won't help, this isn't actually work-related.

Oh! Ha!

well one thing I can think of is that everyone’s anxiety level is just slowly peaking higher and higher. Especially in the last few years. Claire Weekes explains so much about an overly sensitive nervous system. You basically just can’t handle what you used to be able to handle. That could be all it is. And if you soothe your nerves and heal, things will get better.

When you journal look for tricky things— ugly truths that you might not really want to admit. You say you love it, but maybe there’s a part of you that hates it— Or even resents it. This doesn’t mean you have to quit. It just means you have to give a voice to those feelings so they don’t try to rage out through anxiety and depression.

Sending sympathy that you have to suffer with this!

 

[Sita]

Hi,

Do you like/enjoy the ROSE/your weekly task?

That's what came into my mind reading your thread.

 

[Mr Hip Guy]

Do you like/enjoy the ROSE/your weekly task?

I would say I enjoy having done it. But I don't usually enjoy doing it in the moment. It's not something I can stop doing however. I'm also don't like to shy away from doing hard things - I think it's good for us, even if I have to deal with the lead up.

 

[Diana-M]

It's not something I can stop doing however.

I think having to do something (no choice) that’s hard and puts you through discomfort— would easily cause the TMS brain to be really angry.

TMS is caused by conflict. Internal tension. Part of you thinks it’s good for you. But, the TMS brain is angry. There’s your tension. (the TMS symptoms it is choosing are depression and anxiety… maybe more.)

I will also throw this out there— Because it has impacted me quite a bit. Anything you think you have to do because of church or God— can be such a tension inducing situation. How can you fight against that? It can cause really bad internal rage. (I haven’t really resolved how to work with this yet. I’ve just only begun to recognize that it’s actually a problem.)

 

[Mr Hip Guy]

Part of you thinks it’s good for you. But, the TMS brain is angry. There’s your tension. (the TMS symptoms it is choosing are depression and anxiety… maybe more.)

Great points. My TMS brain has a lot of things it doesn't like that I force it to do. I need to go back and find my strategies for how to combat that aspect of TMS.

On a general note, I have a real problem with TMS recovery with "backsliding" or regressing because I simply forget what has worked for me in the past, or key insights I have made. I know I am not a stupid person, but it sure makes me feel like it.

 

[Diana-M]

On a general note, I have a real problem with TMS recovery with "backsliding" or regressing because I simply forget what has worked for me in the past, or key insights I have made. I know I am not a stupid person, but it sure makes me feel like it.

No! you’re not stupid! This is all hard stuff. I forget things I learned or read even a couple days ago, then I rediscover them and I’m surprised all over again!

 

[Sita]

Another strategy would be to do your best (change your attitude) to enjoy ROSE. Baby steps...little by little, working on it...try to enjoy it somehow.

 

[Cactusflower]

Great points. My TMS brain has a lot of things it doesn't like that I force it to do. I need to go back and find my strategies for how to combat that aspect of TMS.

On a general note, I have a real problem with TMS recovery with "backsliding" or regressing because I simply forget what has worked for me in the past, or key insights I have made. I know I am not a stupid person, but it sure makes me feel like it.

Ohhh so common.
I think it happens when we make “discoveries” about ourselves but don’t process the crap surrounding it.. we think through it but don’t feel through it. Maybe just sitting for awhile everyday with yourself and especially this ROSE and let yourself feel all the yucky sludge around it - just stop pushing off the hard feelings emotions etc and sit with it. Then go for a short walk. Begin processing it.

 

[JanAtheCPA]

well one thing I can think of is that everyone’s anxiety level is just slowly peaking higher and higher. Especially in the last few years. Claire Weekes explains so much about an overly sensitive nervous system. You basically just can’t handle what you used to be able to handle. That could be all it is.

Truth.

 

[Mr Hip Guy]

Glad to hear it's not just me. I think this is one of the reasons I keep a list (below) that I both a) refer to myself and b) use as a go-to for suggesting for others who need help. Nevermind the fact that using "lists" is pretty OCD (and I love lists), it also helps me remember the things that work for me.

- Keep an evidence list
- Listen to podcasts
- Read the Support forum and Success Stories here
- Read and re-read Sarno
- Keep a light heart about it all

Dealing with TMS and anxiety is difficult because when you're in battle with it, the fog of war sets in and it's hard to get a clear picture of the way out or even the next steps.

 

[Diana-M]

the fog of war sets in and it's hard to get a clear picture of the way out or even the next steps.

So true!

 

[Mr Hip Guy]

Coming back to this thread with some new insights on dealing with my friend ROSE (Regularly Occurring Stressful Event).

I've been working on this for awhile (surprised this thread is well over 6mo old now) and actually discovered new ways to "deal" through an AI bot of all places (Grok in this case). Here's what it shared, paraphrased:

~~~~~~~~~~

What ROSE is doing:

Antcipatory Anxiety - My brain is attempting to predict and prepare for a future threat. The brain naturally tries to resolve uncertainty to predict an income, when it can't find that guaranteed answer "while I perform?" it triggers fight or flight to prepare for the absolute worst case. To reframe, this response is actually respect for having a goal and emotional investment in ROSE, but the brain misinterprets this as literal threat.

Stated differently - There is also some level of fear of the discomfort of the actual event. I know a high level of discomfort is coming (it usually doesn't actually happen but it could). Anticipating this potential pain triggers the amygdala to hijack the brain, leading to catastrophizing (i.e. I'm going to totally fail at this - I could do this before, but I can't do it anymore, etc).

~~~~~~~~~~
Now that's all well in good as knowing what is happening is definitely significant, but what am I going to do about it?

What I can do:

Establish routines in the days leading to ROSE. Control what can be controlled, keep busy setting the stage, so to speak. Keep busy doing other things too. This is a distracting technique though, not a cure.

Mental rehearsal. Visualizing the ROSE for 5-10minutes ideally, but even 20sec can be helpful to start. Seeing the event take place, not necessarily going absolutely perfectly, but with a hiccup or two and calmly dealing with them (because they're no big deal).

Reframe ROSE. Not as a "test" or a "performance" but instead as "Practice" or "Reps". Rarely is anything we do, whether it's public speaking, giving a presentation, running a race, competing in an event, etc a complete end-all-be-all FINAL thing. They're all just practice if you think about it.

Establish and follow a script in the hours leading up to ROSE. Similar to "establish a routine" this is actually in the final hours before the event itself. Having a plan/script can help turn the brain off and provide some calming.

~~~~~~~~~~

Now I realize none of this is groundbreaking (it came from an AI bot afterall), but I have found it helpful so far in this journey of mine.

 

[Diana-M]

Thanks, @Mr Hip Guy !
We all need this reminder. Doing these things really can help.