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Really struggling, urinary urgency

Discussion in 'Support Subforum' started by Leslie735, Apr 30, 2014.

  1. Mala

    Mala Well known member

    Leslie, I think most women in general worry about their weight & how they look (I do too) & have done since the beginning of time but the pressure we face today is enormous in terms of what the media is doing to us. If we allow ourselves to succumb to a false representation of what is ideal then we are setting ourselves up for nothing but misery. Being comfortable in our own skin is very important to our self esteem & to our own healing. If we berate ourselves constantly & compare ourselves then our body will be unhappy & express itself as such. Others around you will also feel uncomfortable because it shows.

    I am 56 & have learned that its Ok to have a few extra pounds & a few wrinkles & a double chin. Its part of the aging process.

    From your photo I can see that you are very attractive. The next time you have any doubt remember I said that.


    Last edited: May 6, 2014
  2. Leslie735

    Leslie735 Well known member

    Thank you for your sweet words Mala! I know your right and I need to remember that. :)
    Eric "Herbie" Watson likes this.
  3. Eric "Herbie" Watson

    Eric "Herbie" Watson Beloved Grand Eagle

    I basically said what miffybunny said but I added how Eugene Gendlin teaches to face the emotion. Keep it as simple as you can is the rule of thumb Leslie735 and I didn't do well on that term, sorry.
    When I tell of techniques I usually want to know if you have used them. I think your answer, answered that so here is a great list from Eugene Gendlin on how to Focus on an emotion ok.

    1. Clearing a space What I will ask you to do will be silent, just to yourself. Take a moment just to relax. All right—
    now, inside you, I would like you to pay attention inwardly, in your body, perhaps in your stomach or chest. Now see
    what comes there when you ask, "How is my life going? What is the main thing for me right now?" Sense within
    your body. Let the answers come slowly from this sensing. When some concern comes, DO NOT GO INSIDE IT.
    Stand back, say "Yes, that's there. I can feel that, there." Let there be a little space between you and that. Then ask
    what else you feel. Wait again, and sense. Usually there are several things.
    2. Felt sense From among what came, select one personal problem to focus on. DO NOT GO INSIDE IT. Stand back from it.
    Of course, there are many parts to that one thing you are thinking about—too many to think of each one alone. But
    you can feel all of these things together. Pay attention there where you usually feel things, and in there you can get a sense of what all of the problem feels like. Let yourself feel the unclear sense of all of that.
    3. Handle What is the quality of this unclear felt sense? Let a word, a phrase, or an image come up from the felt sense itself. It might be a quality-word, like tight, sticky, scary, stuck, heavy, jumpy, or a phrase, or an image. Stay with the quality of the felt sense till something fits it just right.
    4. Resonating Go back and forth between the felt sense and the word (phrase, or image). Check how they resonatewith each other. See if there is a little bodily signal that lets you know there isa fit. To do it, you have to have the felt sense there again, as well as the word.
    Let the felt sense change, if it does, and also the word or picture, until they feel just right in capturing the quality of the felt sense.
    5. Asking Now ask: What is it, about this whole problem, that makes this quality (which you have just named or pictured)?
    Make sure the quality is sensed again, freshly, vividly (not just remembered from before). When it is here again, tap it, touch it, be with it, asking, "What makes the whole problem so ____?" Or you ask, "What is in this sense?"
    If you get a quick answer without a shift in the felt sense, just let that kind of answer go by. Return your attention to your body and freshly find the felt sense again. Then ask it again.
    Be with the felt sense till something comes along with a shift, a slight "give" or release.
    6. Receiving Receive whatever comes with a shift in a friendly way. Stay with it a while, even if it is only a slight release. Whatever comes, this is only one shift; there will be others. You will probably continue after a little while,but stay here for a few moments.

    The above is a style by Eugene Gendlin on how to handle an emotion ok.

    The imaging I was talking about is visualization.... I can explain more on that later.

    For now it would be beneficial for you to know how to focus....

    Bless you
  4. Eric "Herbie" Watson

    Eric "Herbie" Watson Beloved Grand Eagle

    Yes, just be patient with your studies and learn something new each day is possible -- if not then learning something new every other day is cool. Just as long as you have outcomes set that lead to goals being accomplished because you have a vision then you should have it in the bag. Think in the direction that you want to achieve. Study everyone that has healed and learn what they did and you do the same.
    Bless You
    Anne Walker and Tru B Leever like this.
  5. Eric "Herbie" Watson

    Eric "Herbie" Watson Beloved Grand Eagle

    I love this, thank you Mala. AWESOME
  6. Leslie735

    Leslie735 Well known member

    Thank you!!!!! I've been trying to apply what you put above, still have to keep re reading it to make sure I'm doing it right but it helps when a wave of fear comes over me. :)
    Eric "Herbie" Watson likes this.
  7. Anne Walker

    Anne Walker Beloved Grand Eagle

    Okay, I am going to throw in my two cents. I have had lots of urinary frequency difficulties the last 6-7 years. Most of the time now it is not a problem but every so often I have one of those days and it reminds me how awful it was. There is so much information here and a lot to be learned about TMS. It can be very overwhelming, especially when we are in the middle of grappling with all the painful sensations, and its easy to feel like we need to do everything just right in order to heal. Its part of our perfectionist personalities and we can make it into this seemingly impossible goal to achieve... to be painfree, thin, happy, positive.... then when we notice that we haven't succeeded in conquering the pain, changing our chronic thought patterns, having doubt, thinking about the structural causes, whatever, then we feel we have failed, we beat ourselves up, we feel we can't do it etc. Make it manageable, congratulate yourself for every small success, be extremely forgiving and kind to yourself and when you feel yourself struggling or telling yourself that you have failed in some way, remind yourself that you are not alone and that you are loved. Find some go to activities that you enjoy...taking a walk, playing with your dog, a cat or child, taking a bath, talking to a good friend, watching a favorite movie or reading a book. Just do it and break the spell. If you are going to spend any time obsessing about your pain, do it in your journal, write about it, explore how you are feeling. Everytime I have been lead down the path of looking for a structural cause, feeling despair and worry, my pain has only gotten worse. Each time I am able to enjoy my life, connect with something meaningful, support my self worth in a positive way, I have improved. The point is, for some of us, we do not improve by trying harder, by telling ourselves all the things we should do, or not think etc. Instead if you concentrate on reaffirming what you love and what makes you happy, no matter how distant that happiness feels at this moment, things will turn around. Your happiness does not depend on the urinary urgency. It will get better and there is nothing wrong with you. Try your best to trust that. It will get better. You can't fix it by focusing on the pain though. Changing your focus just takes practice.
    Ellen, gypsysoul, Mala and 1 other person like this.
  8. Ellen

    Ellen Beloved Grand Eagle

    Such a fantastic post, Anne! It sums up the truth of TMS healing so concisely and accurately.
    Anne Walker likes this.
  9. Tru B Leever

    Tru B Leever Peer Supporter

    Now this is something I need to repeat to myself over and over!!!!
    Leslie735 and Anne Walker like this.
  10. Tennis Tom

    Tennis Tom Beloved Grand Eagle

    I've had UU and it coincidentally began during a time of HIGH life tension. Whoever said, "Don't fight shitty hall," or "Don't make a Federal case out of it," knew what they were talking about. Everyone should have one Federal case to teach them the facts of life on how the system works--but one's more then enough. UU also seems to come with the natural aging process--or maybe it's TMS due to the Un-C rage at aging.

    A doctor I know recommended Flomax and it works for me. I'm having a touch of UU now but haven't even popped a Flomax for it. Knowing it's there seems to be enough for my Un-C not to make a TMS issue out of it. If I were going on plane flight or road trip, I would pop one to avoid the tension of the situation. (If you're ever flying out of D.C. make sure you go ahead of time, since there's thirty minutes before you can leave your seat to go to the loo for for anti-terrorist reasons.)

    I've also made a contest out of how many times I had to go, five times in 200 miles so far is my record, but I'm shooting to break that record--there's a lot of trees on the coast between frisco and Canada. In the Baja 5oo Off-Road Race they use a funnel and a tube through a hole in the floor-pan and go on the fly commando style. I'm sure they have a female version of Flomax for the ladies--go with the flow.
    Anne Walker likes this.
  11. Leslie735

    Leslie735 Well known member

    Thank you all for your stories and successes. It helps so much to read them!!!
  12. Leslie735

    Leslie735 Well known member

    ps for those of you that had the urinary urgency, where did you feel it at? Bladder/urethra/or both? Not to be graphic, but when mine happens I feel it in my urethra (at least I think I do) almost like a very mild UTI, the feeling comes on after using the restroom and will fade away in a few minutes to an hour or so. Sometimes it happens as I'm going to bed, after I use the restroom, and it'll stay there until I fall asleep. Also, does it come and go for you or is it all the time? Just want to compare notes. Thanks!
  13. Leslie735

    Leslie735 Well known member

    Also wanted to add, I haven't had any symptoms the last few days and it's been amazing! I have gone just over a week before without symptoms but it's only happened a couple of times since this all started back in December (which also was a high stress time for me, finals with school and Christmas). I had a bad week last week with my symptoms, they were daily. Again, stress was high because I was scared it was soemthing to worry about and also I was in the middle of finals with school again. hmmmmm?
  14. Tennis Tom

    Tennis Tom Beloved Grand Eagle

    I feel it in my oui-oui, or is it we-we? I just had a minor bout that's fading, now that I have hay-fever for a distraction. When I get a symptom I just think about what's going on in my life from the Rahe-Holmes list and figure it's TMS. I didn't even pop a Flomax for this bout. TMS is the volume control for the pain.

    Cheers to the beers, my local market just got my favorite beer in, Pyramid Apricot Ale. Nothing like hops to keep the bladder happeely hoppeeing, see ya' at the loo line.

    Eric "Herbie" Watson likes this.
  15. Leslie735

    Leslie735 Well known member

    Just wanted to update this thread for someone maybe dealing with the same symptoms and wondering how it all turned out. Its been almost 2 years since the symptoms began. Two years ago I can confidently say it was all down to TMS. I did the journaling, read Sarnos Mind Body Prescription (twice!) and fully believed it was TMS and sure enough the symptoms got where they would come and go every few days, to once a week, to every couple of week not at all. I get them here and there when my anxiety is up (I'm still dealing with health anxiety) but even when they do the fear behind them is not there so they are not as or barely noticeable. :) Just thought I would update!
    she333 and Peggy like this.

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