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Day 4 Read the personality traits page today

H

how_to_feel_emotions

New Member
For today I just want to share some insights I had about myself and my personality.

In the beginning, I was very uncertain whether I was the type of person that could develop TMS. What if I am wrong in my own self-diagnosis?

But after I read the page today, as part of day 4 of the SEP, I know for sure. Every question listed under goodist and stoic was like reading about myself. Also about the perfectionist part.

I remember for example that I have a history of not wanting to show people things I am still learning, or things that aren't finished yet. Examples:
  • When I was very young, didn't want to dance in front of school with my friends for a fun show since we didn't practice the routine perfectly (we had none, so I bailed out)
  • Wanted to memorize an entire presentation word for word instead of loosely just say something about the topic (it failed, which was embarrassing)
  • Even now, I have a guitar that I haven't played on for a while since I feel unworthy. If I play it needs to be perfect before others can hear it, but before I do that I first have to practice. This is all so weird because I had guitar lessons for about 6 years when I was young. I know how to play the guitar... just not perfect
  • I am designing a website for my uncle, and want it to be perfect. In doing that, however, I don't make any decisions and am getting increasingly worried that the website will be not as good as I want it to. Eventually I have to settle for a 'mweh' website and feel bad
These are just for the perfectionist, I can write all day about the goodist questions and characteristics.

This post was just for me to confirm that I have the personality traits, somehow I have to convince myself of this.

Side note: the pain always comes when I sit still, not when moving. Even when meditating with a straight back, the pain comes. I believe if my body didn't have that reaction, I'd have to confront my feelings.

Ok while writing this post the back pain got less while I didn't move. Man I'm actually excited to learn about TMS each day

See you tomorrow
 
Welcome to the Forum! I really like your post and the sense of optimism you express at the end. TMS recovery does provide us an opportunity to really get to know who we are. I hope you continue to share your discoveries along the way.
 
how_to_feel_emotions said:
Even now, I have a guitar that I haven't played on for a while since I feel unworthy. If I play it needs to be perfect before others can hear it, but before I do that I first have to practice. This is all so weird because I had guitar lessons for about 6 years when I was young. I know how to play the guitar... just not perfect
Click to expand...
Check. I have been playing guitar for about 35-40 years. However I still am 'not good enough' and will only play extraordinarily rehearsed and perfected material.(in public... I play every day for myself)

to the unconscious this is rage inducing... I am never quite 'there' no matter how hard I work. Thus the need for a symptom to prevent that from coming into consciousness
 
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