so earlier today I was really stressing out and feeling overwhelmed about going through the structured education program. so much to read and journal and so many links on every page with things to review etc...I was having a hard time journaling about how I feel about past experiences. so for now I am going to take it a little slower on going through the structured education program. I am not giving up on it and in fact I plan to work harder at it in the sense of giving it my full attention when I am doing it instead of just trying to get it done, if that makes sense. sorting through all my repressed emotions is going to take some time and will be an ongoing process. now I am really going to narrow my focus on overcoming the fear of the pain and realizing/reinforcing that the pain is from TMS not any structural damage or injury. and when I do feel pain accept it, don't hide from it but don't let it get in the way of me living my life. to do this I plan to continue gradually doing more and more in they way of exercise and not let pain or the fear of pain slow me down. more importantly I'm going to start taking on more commitments. this is a big source of fear and anxiety for me. just like I did and am doing with exercise I am going to start small and continually build. for starters I am going to make plans to either cook for my family or go out to eat with them next weekend. my semi long term goal is to start working again by the end of August.