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Hi! I have been thinking about asking this for awhile now, but it sounds kind of coo-coo. So, I will apologize up front...a few questions:

1. I notice that when my leg is hurting, there are times when I can wiggle my toes and I feel the pain lighten considerably. It will not go fully away--or if it does, only for brief moments. Since I have anxiety, I believe that I am tensing up my right leg every time I walk, which causes the decrease in blood flow/oxygen. My leg only hurts while walking and it never hurts for the first few steps...only after about 10 or 20 steps. So, again, I feel like I am tensing up this leg and therefore causing the oxygen deprivation. Does this sound familiar or make sense to anyone?

2. For those of you who don't know my situation, last year I was told that I might have MS, and a nurse practitioner said that if I did, "I would only have pain on my right side." About two weeks later after having questionable test results...my right leg began hurting. Although a few weeks ago I received wonderful news from a MS specialist that I do not have MS, the pain is still there. Ironically, I notice myself focusing/tightening/analyzing this leg and I've done it for almost 12 months now. So, it is almost like a thought addiction that I can not break. I know it sounds ridiculous, but it's true. Where most people that I'm reading about that have pain back off from their activities, I find myself not allowing myself to "give in" and sit down. I will walk back and forth in my house just trying to find ways or see if I can stop this pain. I know this is Outcome Dependence, but I'm not sure how to stop it. I can even "feel" myself placing more pressure on my right side when I walk, but it is like second nature to me now. By the end of the day my leg is just sore. Occasionally, I will be very engaged in an activity and the pain will let up, but other times it will not. For the most part it remains. Any thoughts or personal experiences?

 

Hi SSG

I can relate to you in that about twenty five years ago my youngest sister was diagnosed with MS at the age of seventeen. I moved from the UK to Australia that year and carried that grief with me. Not knowing what type of MS she would have and feeling guilty I was not in Ireland helping her, combined with profound homesickness, I developed Fibromyalgia. Some of my symptoms were numbness in my calves and convinced I too had MS, I got checked out by a wonderful neurologist (Peter Silbert). He reassured me it was not MS, and this news was a huge relief. I never gave it another thought after that.

Now that you too have the good news try to put it all out of your mind. Try to shift your focus from your body. Have faith that you ARE well. Your mind is still caught up in a vicious cycle of tension, so read Claire Weeks book Hope and help for your nerves to soothe your mind. You will get there. We've all been there too; just persevere and KNOW you are well… All the best.

 

Colly,

Thank you. Yes you said it perfectly...a viscous circle of tension. I am also trying to stop taking Xanax which is making it more challenging.

I hope your sister is doing well, and I appreciate the encouragement!

 

No worries SSG.

I've not taken Xanax but I know a friend who has and she had to wean herself off very gradually. I've just got back from a Tai Chi class and can recommend this over ANY drug! Very calming, even though I got tangled up in myself several times

 

SSG, that nurse who told you that you would have pain in your left side ought to have her license revoked.
She planted fear that caused the pain in your right leg. That fear remains but will go away as the pain goes away
when you discover the TMS repressed emotions you have been carrying around for years.

I like Colly's advice not to take any drug but to try to resume normal activities. You don't have to be
Tarzan's Jane. You can do mild exercises like Tai Chi or Qui Jong which you can find on the Internet.
Just moving around doing normal household actitivies is very important physically and mentally.
Do the activities with your mind in the present moment. Tell yourself aloud or silently what activity
you're doing, such as washing the dishes.

We are all rooting for you so talk freely about your pain and your efforts to heal through TMS.

 

Walt,

Thanks so much. This is a particularly rough day. I feel so alone. My pain was light this morning, but hit like a BANG this afternoon. I try hard not to let my kids or husband see...I don't think they deserve to be around such fear and sadness. I also don't want to get the look...here she goes again. The pain and anxiety is so high...sometimes I think I just want to cut my right leg off. I do try to keep up with normal household duties, but where I used to do them with vigor and determination...now I do them out of necessity. It's tough...I'm scared. Thanks again for your encouragement!

 

Improvement is on its way. U may not know it or see it coming but if you believe and keep up with the tms work and thinking soon the bad days will get further and further apart. I still have them and struggle a little but the really bad times are hopefully a thing of the past.

You may feel lonely but you are not alone. There are many many of us in this fight. Together we will win x

 

Thank you UkAdR. I appreciate it! I need to find that hope again!

 

SSG - You are well on your way to recovery. The fact that you are on this forum and writing to us is helping to heal you. Its so good for TMS to know that you are not alone anymore with your thoughts and beliefs but now have all these people who will help you dissolve the negative stuff that caused TMS. TMS totally wants you to feel alone and isolated. It thrives in that environment... so you see by writing to us and letting us know how you are doing and feeling - IS the TMS recovery. You may not feel the relief today... but like UKAdR said -Improvement is on its way!!!

 

Thank you so much, Nowtimecoach! What helped you the most?