1. Alan has completed the new Pain Recovery Program. To read or share it, use this link: http://go.tmswiki.org/newprogram
    Dismiss Notice
Dismiss Notice
Our TMS drop-in chat is tomorrow (Saturday) from 3:00 PM - 4:00 PM Eastern (now US Daylight Time) . It's a great way to get quick and interactive peer support, with Bruce as your host. Look for the red Chat flag on top of the menu bar!

Rage getting older ?

Discussion in 'General Discussion Subforum' started by Exxes, Mar 21, 2018.

  1. Bodhigirl

    Bodhigirl Well known member

    Is there such thing as coincidence ?
    Maybe not. Just reading this topic feels like a sign
    Was doing pretty good on my pain last year, but life throwing me big issues the last weeks.
    My fit mother 82 Yrs old took a fall and ended up in a nursing home. She will not really recover.
    The whole event takes a big tole on me now on so many ways
    Sleep problems, IBS again etc etc
    Nightmare about loosing her,
    But also me strugling about my own
    aging, its like its all going to fast
    I am not ready for this it feels but
    life does not work around that , does it ?
    Want to press to ‘pause’ Button while i figure it all out and get used to things.......,,[/QUOTE]
    I'm so sorry for your suffering.
    Our parents teach us about so many things, the last of them being how to die.
    This is not something we really want to learn and yet I find it so heartening to know the Dalai Lama meditates upon his own death and then laughs. I want what he has! a sense of humor about how nothing is permanent.
    So much of the suffering I have is caused by my tensing and resisting the simplest of emotions, labeling them as 'bad' - like grief and fear and especially anxiety. I only want the yummy ones: contentment, generosity, gratitude, kindness and patience.
    When my mom was dying, my best prayer was "Please lead me into the mystery of death, to not fight it but to see it fully." My mom gave me a thousand gifts in those last months. We spoke deeply of things, she helped me understand my early years in the most tender way, without the defensiveness she had when we were younger.
    I wish you a deep and meaningful journey with your mom... heartfelt prayers.
    Last edited: Mar 28, 2018
    plum, karinabrown, Lainey and 2 others like this.
  2. karinabrown

    karinabrown Well known member

    Dear bodhigirl,

    Thanks for your loving reply and sharing your experience with your mom.
    Resisting painfull feelings means suffering ‘ you are so right about that.
    We only want the good ones..
    Accepting all feelings as ‘ok’ is the hard part
    Allow myself to be just human
    Thank you !
    plum and Lainey like this.
  3. Time2be

    Time2be Well known member

    Getting older and facing mortality is frightening, yes somehow it is. I start to feel it much more clearly since I turned 55. Maybe also because my parents are getting more fragile, though they are still doing well on their own.
    For me getting older is not only about mortality and starting to really realize that this life has a definite end. It must be soothing to believe in a life after death, I am very skeptical about this idea. However, getting older also simply means that some paths in your life are laid and fixed. I think it is because I deliberate my decisions much more today than I did as a young person. Because I now feel more responsibility for my choices. Being good to myself is now an important criterion, it was not when I was young. This is also something I learned with TMS. Being kind to myself is still difficult but now it is part of my considerations. I am not sure whether TMS or getting older is the reason why I am tackling decisions differently. Either way, getting older for me means also to be more aware of myself.
    That also includes the bad emotions Karinabrown - yes. Very unpleasant, but that's how we are.
    And to Plum and the swimming pool situation: that is terrific that you are able to this! I am still learning. But there are triggers that really are powerful - or, to be more precise: it's my brain’s reaction that is powerful ... it's giving the trigger power.
    Last edited: Apr 2, 2018
    karinabrown and plum like this.
  4. karinabrown

    karinabrown Well known member

    Hi time2be

    Yes i totally feel this too
    I think its age, but for me also the fact that i feel that Tms pain robbed’ me off good years..
    That fact giving me pressure to really use my time well’
    At the same time ofcourse that s not really working cause i cannot choose it all. And also the question ‘what is living well’ ?
    I really miss the feeling that i had when i was young : just going with the flow
    and little responsebility !
    So getting older makes me angry in that way, my inner child is upset about that i guess
    Ofcourse being older ‘should ‘ bring the advange of being wiser etc.. but
    but but : getting older comes with so many ‘buts’
  5. NicoleB34

    NicoleB34 Well known member

    i think this is a problem of mine. And it's not so much "getting closer to death", but rather, this unfair pressure put on women to be youthful and beautiful. This is getting more apparent with the dreams i've been having. I keep having dreams that i find myself in a crowd of younger people, and feeling awkward and out of place. like i'm too old to be there. I think this has to do with the fact that i'm dating a significantly younger man and it makes me self conscious. I'm only 35, but i'm very sensitive to the nasty comments, especially those made by men that women are useless beyond 35 (sometimes over 30!). As a result, i find myself becoming obsessed with anti-aging creams and supplements, etc. I look in the mirror and analyze my face. I'm afraid as i really age, this will become a nagging concern and take a painful toll on my psych, and ultimately my body. I dont want to be vain, but dating a younger guy and having trust issues already, really eats away at ya :(

    then of course there's the feeling that this decade is supposed to be the best decade of my life, but so far, i feel the worst. people start complaining abotu aches and pains starting in the 40s, so i feel like it's all downhill from here. I started having pelvic pain and sexual issues in my early 20s, and since it's only gotten terrible in the last few years, i feel like i've missed the window that's supposed to be the best. This is as far as physical pain goes. i know that sexuality doesnt have to end with youth, but naturally because of hormones, pain can become a thing with age. Since i already have female pelvic pain i just assume i'm done.
  6. Lynn S

    Lynn S Peer Supporter

    Hi NicoleB34. Most of us desire to live a long happy life. These issues we're having now will get us there if we choose to grow and transform ourselves so they're no longer an issue. Then they'll be new ones hahaha. I care more about the happy life than the long life. When you think about it we're spending most of our life getting old so we may as well embrace it. I'm just realizing this has been a huge factor in my psychic for over twenty years. I'm 58 and understand I can't turn this around for myself overnight. Each day gets better as I focus on the beautiful, magnificent being that I am.
    Please don't let your female pelvic pain define you. Maybe you can make different assumptions.
    Lizzy likes this.
  7. Lizzy

    Lizzy Well known member


    When I was 36 I found my first grey hair, my parents had hardly any grey hair! My dad had none! It was hard for me. However, I'm 51 now and I do enjoy my life more than my 20's and 30's. While I still am a tmser, I have come so far emotionally that I am better inside and this makes life good. I'm savoring good things more and better than I did when I was younger. This TMS work can be applied to worry about so many things. I think in the next few years you will hear people saying the best is yet to come, and it's true.
  8. Time2be

    Time2be Well known member

    There is a hint of perfectionism in all this talk about aging. I am turning 57 soon and I do not feel the pressure of looking good like I did in my thirties. Actually I was so nervous about my looks that I couldn’t wear T-Shirts without a little jacket or blouse because my armpits were sweaty. And now I take it easy. So, I agree with Lizzy, I am feeling better now than I did in my thirties.
    Nicole, I know how hard dating can be. Now you think you have to live up to the demands and standards of your younger boyfriend. That puts you under a lot of pressure. Why? If wants to be with you he will accept as you are. And if he doesn’t, well, then this was not meant to be. You could also leave him because he is not mature enough ... And the pain, it will go away if you have accepted as you are without idealized perfection.

Share This Page