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quoting Conenna

Discussion in 'General Discussion Subforum' started by miquelb3, Apr 6, 2018.

  1. miquelb3

    miquelb3 Well known member


    "With little regard to his obvious back pain, Dr. Sarno engaged Walter, the elegant grandfather. We learned that he was mourning the loss of his wife of fifty years, Martha. Intelligent and sensitive, the elderly gentleman could not understand why he was in pain since he was clearly in touch with his feelings of grief and sadness.
    Dr. Sarno asked, “Walter, who are you angry at?” A bit taken aback, Walter answered, “Life—it’s not fair that good people die. He thought a bit more, “I wish Martha was with me now.”
    The old man was nearly un-confrontable. That is, one would have to be heartless to challenge Walter’s reasons for emotional pain and suffering. That’s when Dr. Sarno dropped a bomb which resulted in a deafening silence across what seemed to be the entire E
    ast Side: “Walter, I want you to consider, that you are angry with Martha—for leaving you.”
    Walter wept.

    With divine-like compassion, Dr. Sarno turned to us and explained that these are the emotions of which psychosomatic disorders are made. Clearly, it would be utterly selfish, heartless and even cruel for Walter to feel anger toward his deceased wife. The pain that had been distracting Walter day and night, served masterfully, albeit duplicitously, to keep these impermissible feelings hidden.
    Of course, feeling resentful towards people who leave us is also human and inescapable. Walter composed himself. “Yes. I can see that I’ve been angry at Martha. And I can see that this doesn’t mean that I love her any less.”
    Walter walked out of that session upright, brandishing his walking stick which was now more ofan accessory than a cane. He seemed approachable and any airs of social privilege had vanished.
    No longer needing to act dignified to cover self-loathing, Walter had reclaimed his self worth and personal dignity".

    IMHO that's a very important source of TMS: self-loathing.

    More than hidden, unconscious rage against our past, our life circumstances or bad situations, betrayals, humiliations,.... TMS springs from personal relationships and feelings with our very beloved ones.
    For all us an important person could be the most loved in the world.... and simultaneous the most hated. The divided mind in action !
    That inner war is almost unbearable and very threatening: we recognize inside us two powerful opposite forces. Like USA and URSS during the cold war: imminent danger of total destruction (suicidal thoughts).
    The goodist, idealistic, ethical, responsible, perfectionist, moral being (the lover) can't coexist in peace within our mind with "our shadow": nasty, abject, sordid, rotten,.... (the hater).
    Our protective brain takes the initiative to preserve our life: the pain distracts us from that latent devastating war, of that self hatred, self deprecation, guilt, shame,...
    The solution: to understand and accept the existence of that shameful "bad person" inside us and make peace or to sign an armistice between our Mr Hyde and our Dr. Jekyll.
    Durga, Ellen and westb like this.
  2. Kevin Barry

    Kevin Barry Peer Supporter

    You've brought a lot of clarity to the "trick bag" of self loathing. TMS arises to protect me from feeling that I not only hate you whom I love, but hate myself for hating you. How could I be so despicable to hate someone I love? TMS might seem like a good trade off until I realize that the feelings that are being buried by my TMS are buried alive. And although my feelings may not be facts, they are very real and will have to be felt one way or another. Today I am glad for the awareness of where my TMS comes from and can shine the light on where my pain originates giving me the ability to get into the solution.
  3. westb

    westb Well known member

    That's very helpful @Miguelb3. Thanks for posting it. I'm dealing with this dichotomy at the moment re my feelings towards my late parents.

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