Day 25 QUESTION

RozieHolland

RozieHolland

Peer Supporter
Yesterday I visite my parents. My mother was humiliated my father like she always do.
I was furious. Then I told her to stop and said to her; you are not his mother.
I really was angry at her and shouted at her.
Later that day I wanted to tell my friend about my biggest fear in life.
He just said; 20 cm?
Then I became furious again and yelt at him. I threw everything out.
Last night I felt if someone just died. I was so unclear in my head.
Like I was crying all day and my pain was so bad.

TMS excists only to distract my attention from my emotions.
Yesterday I threw out a lot of emotions but the pain was coming up.
Can anyone tell me what I not see. I am not afraid of showing my emotions.

With love, Rozie.
 
RozieHolland said:
Yesterday I visite my parents. My mother was humiliated my father like she always do.
I was furious. Then I told her to stop and said to her; you are not his mother.
I really was angry at her and shouted at her.
Later that day I wanted to tell my friend about my biggest fear in life.
He just said; 20 cm?
Then I became furious again and yelt at him. I threw everything out.
Last night I felt if someone just died. I was so unclear in my head.
Like I was crying all day and my pain was so bad.

TMS excists only to distract my attention from my emotions.
Yesterday I threw out a lot of emotions but the pain was coming up.
Can anyone tell me what I not see. I am not afraid of showing my emotions.

With love, Rozie.
Click to expand...
Hi Rozie,
Sorry for all you are going through. One theory is that TMS is caused by unconscious emotions that we repress. Therefore, they are outside our awareness. TMS is not caused by the emotions we are aware of in our conscious mind. It is also theorized that one can bring these unconscious, repressed emotions to our conscious awareness through the process of journaling or psychotherapy.

I hope this answers your question.
 
This is interesting Ellen.
Ellen said:
One theory is that TMS is caused by unconscious emotions that we repress. Therefore, they are outside our awareness. TMS is not caused by the emotions we are aware of in our conscious mind.
Click to expand...


So, there are much more emotions, emotions I do not know of!!! WOW Now I am curious.
This is an eyeopener for me. I thought I knew it all. Silly me.

My therapist ask me in december about my anger to my father. (who had sex. abused me)
I answered by saying that there is no anger to my father, I don't feel it.
I can't make contact with the anger. I totaly blocked it when I was about 11.
After saying this to my therapist my backpain came to an explosion.

There is a lot work for me to do.
 
RozieHolland said:
My therapist ask me in december about my anger to my father. (who had sex. abused me)
I answered by saying that there is no anger to my father, I don't feel it.
I can't make contact with the anger. I totaly blocked it when I was about 11.
After saying this to my therapist my backpain came to an explosion.

There is a lot work for me to do.
Click to expand...
Yes, I believe you are on the right track with this. It is these emotions (e.g. anger, rage, guilt, shame) that we are not allowing ourselves to be conscious of and feel, that lead to TMS. It can be painful to start becoming aware of these emotions. It is good that you have a therapist to help you.

Have you read Sarno's the Divided Mind? He describes this in detail in that book. Hopefully, it is available in your native language.

Yes, it is a lot of work for most of us. You're doing a great job in a short time. Be kind to yourself and take it one day at a time.
 
I think also that there lies the original emotions, between my 7 and 11, the sexual abuse, the quilt and shame.
I don't feel anger or rage to my father,because he treated me well, I was daddy's girl.
I got everything I wanted, then it is hard to get mad.

I saw the video, and bought it, of dr. John Sarno.
I've read Healing With Backpain and now I am reading The Mindbody Prescription.
Also I read ZERO PAIN NOW from Adam Heller. It is all in english.
I don't think I read this part about sexual abuse.

I feel stronger and stronger everyday.
The pain isn't all gone, but I am a strong believer.
 
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